Have you ever stopped and admired someone’s seemingly effortless confidence? Have you ever longed to possess the kind of self-assurance that commands attention when you speak and attract people to you like a magnet? Have you ever wished you felt confident enough to tackle very ambitious goals?
If so, here’s what you need to know: Unshakeable confidence is not innate — it’s acquired. There are things that the most confident people in the world do slightly differently than others, and that’s what gives them their power. Embrace the seven habits below and soon enough you’ll be the one others look up to confidence-wise.
“For so much of my life I focused on my lack of confidence and I was jealous of all these people who seemed like they had all the confidence in the world. But then I realized, confidence is a choice. It’s the decision to do what makes you afraid, in spite of fear,” says Vicky Lincoln, intuitive mindset and energy coach. “None of us have it together, none of us are born with confidence like we think of it in other people. It’s a choice, a decision, and then action to keep moving in that direction.”
If this sounds easier said than done, take things one day at a time and ask yourself how you can show up like the unstoppable version of yourself on a day-to-day basis or when confronted with a specific situation. What does unshakeable confidence mean to you? What would you do if you had more confidence? How would you tackle your routine and approach your work differently if you already had all the self-assurance in the world?
Having unshakeable confidence doesn’t mean being perfect all the time. In fact, the most confident people give themselves grace when they don’t feel that they are at their best. “I think confidence is a choice, but there are also going to be tough days. I don’t believe I wake up with unshakeable confidence daily. But I give myself grace and forgiveness on days when things are hard. I still choose to show up as me, and take it one step or one day at a time,” says Lincoln.
“We judge ourselves so much and we can be our own worst enemy. So I would say I avoid putting that pressure on myself to be perfect every day. I try to talk to myself like I would talk to a best friend when she’s having a hard day. You have to give yourself space and permission to be less than perfect and just keep going. Keep showing up even when it’s hard. That’s true confidence.”
Truly confident people have the inner strength to change their circumstances and create their future because they begin by radically accepting themselves. They also accept the present moment as well as the past events that have shaped them, and that lack of judgment releases a lot of resistance when it comes to moving forward in a positive way.
“I believe every single experience I’ve been through makes me a better coach. Everything happens for a reason and there is someone out there who can benefit from my experiences — my lessons can be their roadmap,” says Lincoln. “So going through rough days and so many times when I didn’t feel confident only helped me have compassion for where my clients are at and be able to hold their hand in a way that I wouldn’t otherwise be able to.”
Are the people around you dragging you down? Do you feel like you could be better supported? People with unshakeable confidence understand the power and the positive influence of a support network, and they would rather be alone than in bad company.
“Surround yourself with people who get it and support you. And when you don’t have those people around you, fill your days with books or podcasts that get you to that place. I had friends online and through social media, books, and podcasts before I found them in person. I chose to fill my life and days with things that helped me be my best self,” says Lincoln.
Real confidence is not emulated. It comes from a place of genuine, unapologetic self-expression. When you allow yourself to be true to who you are you can then stand in your own power without feeling like you’re pretending or performing. “We all have pain that we aren’t showing and the best thing we can do is show up as ourselves, and give others permission to do the same. Standing out in a world that has taught you to fit in takes courage, resilience, and grace.”
Extremely confident people know that action precedes confidence and not the other way around. As they take — sometimes messy and uncomfortable — action towards their goals, their confidence grows. “When I see results and feel happy, it gives me even more confidence to keep doing more of the same. There’s no magic pill. It’s the little things that add up when you do them every day. And that’s where the magic happens,” says Lincoln.
People with unshakeable confidence know that the best outcomes happen outside of their comfort zone. Instead of playing small, they challenge themselves to do things that scare them and be bolder. They stand up for what they believe in even without guarantees it will be well-received. Simply put, confidence is really about being comfortable being uncomfortable.
This article was originally published on Ladders.
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