Every relationship has its up and downs. But fighting with your spouse doesn’t always have to be a negative thing. Arguments with your significant other can be necessary discussions that help you to grow as a couple, develop empathy and understanding for one another, and come to a compromise where both parties are happy.
“When something is bugging me, I tend to bottle things up instead of talking about it. I love my husband more than anything, but I feel bad about everything when one thing is bothering me. Basically, I don't say anything until I simply can't take it anymore. Then, instead of having a normal, hard conversation about how I feel, I end up crying and jumble up my words. Communicating this way is not fair to him. I need to figure out another way to say what I'm thinking out loud before I turn into a hot mess,” she wrote.
A few other FGB’ers responded, advising the woman seek helpful therapy. Another suggested journaling, which can be a great outlet for both expressing and understanding our emotions before attempting to communicate them to others.
Preston Ni, author of Seven Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success, wrote about resolving arguments in Psychology Today.
“It’s normal for a couple to quarrel from time to time—just part of what it means to be together,” he said. “Conflicts and arguments won’t necessarily jeopardize a relationship. In fact, there are times when disagreements can actually bring a couple closer together.”
Ni emphasizes the importance of communication and telling your spouse what you are feeling when you are feeling it, rather than bottling it in.
An anonymous FGB’er also stressed this point in her response.
“Does your husband know that you tend to bottle things up?” she asked. “If not, maybe talking about [how] that's the current way you're communicating will open up a conversation about how you can both speak with each other moving forward. Best of luck!”
Another user agreed, adding, “I agree that if your husband knows that this is your communication MO that maybe you can enlist him to ask you about how you're feeling before it gets to the point where you ‘can't take it anymore.’”
Ni also highlights “taking care of the issue rather than attacking the person.” Let your husband know you appreciate and love him before you get into the issue that is upsetting you. Then, focus on the actual issue, not how horrible or mean it is for him to maybe cause said issue. Try to refrain from any insults or name-calling, as well.
And finally, don't be so hard on yourself. As women, we have been discouraged from expressing our feelings our entire lives. And we’ve avoided telling someone we are upset to avoid appearing “emotional.” Be honest and communicative with your partner, and don’t be afraid to tell him what you need from him as well.