Julia Sonenshein via DailyWorth
Interviewing for a new job is nerve-wracking – and it becomes even more complicated when you have to figure out how to do it secretly. Unless you’re ready to tell your employer that you’re job searching, you’ll need to keep your search under raps. Until you feel comfortable alerting your current boss on your own terms, here are five ways to stealthily secure a new job:
1. Don’t print your resume at work. So here you are, printing out aresume for a cool new job opportunityon your work printer, because, hey, ink is expensive. Before you make it over to retrieve your file, someone finds your newly jargonized resume, and shouts, “HEY, WHO PUT THE FANCY PAPER IN THE PRINTER? I JUST PRINTED A 20-PAGE DOC ON THE GOOD STUFF! OH WAIT, GINA, WHY IS YOUR RESUME IN HERE? WHY DO YOU THINK YOU MANAGE TWO PEOPLE? YOU’RE NOT A MANAGER, GINA.”
Best-case scenario: You race to the printer and snatch up your resume, which you clutch to your chest while walking back to your desk, making awkward eye contact with every person you pass. Nothing arouses suspicion quite like “Oh yeah, I’ve just got some … documents. Okay, see you later.”
2. Don’t show up to work in your interview clothes. One time I wore new socks and my entire office commented, which is to say that coworkers really do notice small changes in presentation. If you have a fairly casual workplace, your coworkers will definitely take note of your pencil skirt or blazer when you show up late from your “dental appointment.” Who’s your dentist, the Queen of England? Be sure to change before you go back to work.
3. Conduct all your correspondence via personal email. Scenario: You’re leading a meeting and have your computer hooked up to the projector. You get an email notification from a competing company with the subject line “Meeting with our HR.” Amateur move, Gina.
4. Make your fake illnesses as vague as possible. So you get an email asking you to come in the next day for a job interview. Fantastic! Obviously, you call insick/doctor appointment/personal emergency to your current job. But remember, you have to allow for the possibility of a second interview a few days later. Don’t stride in post-interview like you’re 100 percent healthy. Keep things very vague and reference follow-up appointments. Bonus points if your dudebro coworkers assume it's a “lady problem” (their words) and leave you alone for a blessed week.
Similarly, don’t scour job boards on your work computer. Just wait until you get home, open a bottle of wine, turn on Netflix, and job search like a grown-ass woman.
5. Turn. Off. LinkedIn. Notifications. Nothing will alert your coworkers to the fact that you’re job hunting quite like seeing that you’ve added “quantifiable gains,” “maximize,” or “key stakeholders” to your current job description. There is no reason to talk like that unless you are applying for a job — and even then, it’s a stretch.
A version of this article was originally published on DailyWorth.
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