Who Does What: I Own an Organization Company — Here's How My Partner And I Handle Our Own Housework

So, what does the division of household chores for modern couples look like, really? In FGB’s Who Does What series, we asked readers to complete an exercise in order to share with us the amount and nature of housework they actually do, and how they and their partner decided to divvy it all up.

Name: Elsa Elbert    

Location: Los Angeles, CA

Relationship status: Married

What do you and your partner do professionally? I am the owner of Composed Living, a professional organization company, and my husband is Head of Sales + Marketing.

What type of home (e.g, condo, house) do you have? House

Do you have any kids or pets? We have three sons and a dog!

Six years, married for three.  

Five years. 

Every day, I do a general pickup around the house, make sure the kitchen is clean, pack lunches for kids, cook dinner, get the mail, walk the dog, and help kids with homework if they need help.  I am a naturally very tidy person, so picking up around the house is more for my sanity than anyone else’s. And I work from home a lot of the time, so I prefer to get a lot of the daily chores finished before Chad comes home so that we can all enjoy time together as a family. 

On a weekly basis, I buy groceries, do meal planning and meal prep, water houseplants, do my laundry, and pay any bills that have arrived in the mail. I also do an update of our calendar and activities every weekend to make sure everyone is on the same page. As a professional organizer, my skill set lends itself to making sure our household runs efficiently. I don’t think we consciously decided that I would do these things, so much as I just started doing them and never stopped. I prefer to get tasks done immediately, and so I tend to just do things as they need to be done. I’ve had to learn to delegate and be okay with waiting for others to do chores in their own time. 

Every night, Chad goes over the kids’ homework with them, helps to clean up after dinner, takes out trash / recycling, and makes sure the boys have their chores done. He loves being a dad more than anything else, and he wants to be as involved with the boys as he can! He likes to set a good example by always offering to help in the kitchen, and sharing in responsibilities. 

Every week, Chad takes out the trash bins, does his own laundry, coordinates with the landscaping team and pool service, and takes care of any household projects that need to be done. For example, he is typically in charge of things like washing all the outside windows and making any repairs. He likes doing big projects and being outside, where as I prefer more detail oriented projects. We work well as a team when I can tell him exactly what I have in mind for a project, and then he gets it done!  

I think we are both pretty different from the households we grew up in. In my house, my mom was a stay-at-home mom, and she handled all things “kids-cooking-cleaning,” while my dad managed our finances and took care of outdoor projects. Chad and I decided early on to outsource a lot of our daily chores so that we’d have more time for our family, and he is much more hands-on as a father than either of our dad’s were. I also take a very active role in our finances, which I enjoy, with is very different from our mothers. For both of us, our priority is spending time together and with our kids. So whenever possible, if we can find someone to help us take care of tasks that don’t bring us joy, then we will do that. We each came up with a list of chores that we don’t mind doing, and ones that we never want to do. For me, I can’t stand dusting and I refused to clean bathrooms (three boys…). But I love cooking, meal planning, and keeping track of our schedules. Chad loves anything related to kids activities, and outdoor projects. Everything else, we either stopped doing, or asked for help!  

I think we have a really good system in place! When we first moved in together, I was doing everything — and burning myself out while also feeling frustrated because he didn’t seem to notice. I had a mini-meltdown one day and told him I didn’t feel very appreciated, and he told me very honestly that it’s because he just doesn’t really appreciate some of the things I’d been doing! I was shocked at first, and then I clarified, “So, it doesn’t bother you if I DON’T do your laundry, and you don’t get any joy out of me doing it for you?” And he said, nope! So I stopped. And life has been so much easier ever since. We each focus on doing the things that are important to us, and the things that our spouse will appreciate, and save so much time by not doing anything that doesn’t fit into one of those categories. 

Me mostly, because I tend to sleep in later than he does. But sometimes he makes his side while I’m still sleeping.  

Both. We keep a shared list of new restaurants we want to try, and we tend to revisit our favorites out of habit, too. 

We each take care of our own, and Chad makes appointments for the kids. 

Husband. 

Me! I add them to our shared calendar, and send birthday cards and texts. He calls his family on their birthdays, but I am the one to make sure important dates end up on our calendar. 

Mostly set up to auto-pay, but if there is ever a paper bill, that’s me!

Husband. 

Me... anything that comes in the mail I typically handle. I love getting the mail and making sure everything gets done. 

We have a housekeeper.

Housekeeper. 

Housekeeper!

I do, but I order everything online from Whole Foods and it gets delivered weekly. 

Haha. Me! I love it, and my husband can’t stand it. 

Chad. 

Probably me and our housekeeper. 

Me.

I do! But if we’re already traveling and looking for a new place to stay, Chad loves finding hidden gems. 

Kids? Haha. We love staying in on Fridays and we do a media-free family night. 

We alternate. We both love planning surprises for each other. 

Me, because I love picking out meaningful gifts for friends! 

Chad. 

Both, but mostly Chad. 

Both of us, depending on whose schedule allows for it. 

We both try to attend all of their extracurricular activities, because we both prioritize showing up for our kids. If I’m working on a weekend, Chad will take them. 

Both of us! I usually plan the decor and food, we both pick out gifts, and Chad handles the guest lists. 

Chad. 

Chad most often is the disciplinarian, but we discuss any serious consequences together before implementing; and if someone acts out and needs a conversation in the moment, then whichever parent witnesses the behavior. 

28. Your child needs a haircut. Who notices this, and who makes the appointment? Who takes them to the appointment? 

Both of us! Chad likes taking them, but I’m the one who has very specific guidelines on the actual styles. 

Usually me. 

We will figure out whose schedule is best suited for picking them up over a quick text chat. If I’m with a client and can’t leave, he will leave the office and work from home for the rest of the day if needed. 

We both do. We will do a basic schedule plan for the weekend or vacation, and try to plan fun activities and also just time for relaxing. We will take turns entertaining them as well so that each of us can have some time to relax, too.