After 3 Unsuccessful Rounds of IVF, Here's How I'm Approaching Fertility

Whether you're years away from having kids or you're actively trying to get pregnant, navigating fertility alongside your career can be tricky. That's why Fairygodboss has teamed up with Modern Fertility, a company dedicated to offering the best information around fertility so women can make informed decisions around how their fertility factors into their careers. In this series, we're sharing stories from real women who are in varying stages of their careers and fertility journeys. We hope that hearing from these women is helpful — and if you still have your own questions surrounding fertility and career, please ask us here!

Who:  Hallie

 Age: 46

 Tell us a bit  about yourself! Where are you from? What are you up to? 

I’m a writer and editor. I grew up in small town Montana and spent my entire adulthood in cities. Now live in a mini city a few hours outside of NYC. 

Tell us a bit about where you are with building your family and fertility. Are you a long ways out? Curious? Trying?  

I stopped trying at about 42 after three rounds of unsuccessful IVF and lots of mellower stuff before that. I started trying to get pregnant at 38 but unfortunately it was already too late for me. No diagnosable problems, just low egg quality and reserves by that time.

How are you thinking about your career and your family?  

I feel great about my career and marriage and have made peace with having no children, though I may someday be a foster parent.

 How does building a family impact your choice of an employer?  

It was hugely impactful when it came time to try serious fertility interventions. My treatment was about $50,000 and was all covered by my insurance—then provided by my employer. I definitely would not have stayed in that job as long as I did had it not provided such excellent benefits. 

Where have you gotten your information about fertility? Do you talk to your doctor? Your family? Your friends? 

I did tons of research and I also had a handful of friends who had been through it before me. They were all successful but they were also willing to go through unlimited cycles — I think most did 5+ —while I was not. I was afraid it would just ruin my life and sanity. So I set a limit. 

What kind of support do you wish you had more of when it comes to fertility?  

I wish people were more open and honest with women about how young might already be too old when it comes to fertility. There is so much magical thinking when it comes to this stuff, and if I were to say to someone — you know what, it turns out that 38 was too late for me and it might be for you — I’d be accused of negative thinking. But it’s a data based statement, not fear mongering. I mean, trust me, I did all the stuff — I went to the magical million dollar acupuncturist and herbalist, I went to the top docs. But there are things that are just out of your control, no matter how much money you throw at it. So I wish open and honest conversations were more possible.  

Anything else you’d like to share? We’d love to hear it :) 

The older women I know who were able to have successful pregnancies all used donor eggs, and they are super happy with their decisions. I wasn’t really dying to be pregnant, so once it came to that, I felt I’d rather adopt if it wasn’t going to be my genetic baby. That sort of stopped the ticking clock, and so that idea is still on the backburner for me.  

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