5 Ways to Convey Your Pronoun of Choice At a New Job, From People Who've Been There

Society is starting to finally recognize that gender is a non-binary spectrum, which means that we're not relegated to just “male” or “female.” Many of us choose to identify with non-traditional pronouns, gender-neutral pronouns, multiple pronouns or no pronouns at all.

Approximately 1.4 million Americans identify as transgender, and a reported 12 percent of millennials identified as something other than male or female, according to a March 2017 study. In a 2015 national survey, some 33 percent of transgender individuals said that, if permitted the choice, they would prefer not to be assigned either gender designation.

But, when starting a new job, it can be uncomfortable to share one's pronouns with a new employer who might make assumptions or, worse, discriminate. Non-binary workers have reported feeling pressure at their jobs when it comes to their lack of gender designation — 23 percent of those polled by The Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law said that they purposefully hid their non-binary status at the workplace. And, of those who chose to go public, almost 20 percent believed to have lost a job because of their status and 90 percent believed to have suffered some form of job bias, discrimination or harassment.

You may use whatever pronouns you wish. Many people use the following pronouns, according to The University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Resource Center:

Some people choose to switch hir(s) and hirself with zir and zirself, as well. What does zie and zir mean? Like (f)ae and (f)aer, they are neo-pronouns, so they are gender neutral.

So how do you have that conversation with your new boss? I asked individuals who use non-traditional pronouns to share how they've shared theirs in previous jobs. Here's what they had to say. 

"I've been out as non-binary for more than 10 years, around eight of them openly non-binary in the workplace," says Jordan, who asked that I only use their first name. "I work in non-profit marketing and I use they/them pronouns. Notably, I live and work in New York City, where the law protects transgender and gender non-conforming employees. Workplaces in NYC are not allowed to discriminate against employees based on gender identity or expression, and intentional or repeated misgendering is explicitly categorized as harassment. Despite these laws, I've had a very difficult time navigating pronouns in the workplace, and know that non-binary people living places without legal protection often face far worse situations.

 

They have worked at three full-time jobs since graduating college and, at each one, put a lot of effort into communicating their pronouns. At each job, they said that there was no formal process in place for communicating gender identity or pronouns, so they had to pave their own path and advocate for themselves. In the absence of policy, they said they've had one-on-one conversations with managers, and then informed other staff through either email or bringing up their pronouns at group meetings.

 

"Generally, my experiences with individuals have been overwhelmingly positive," they said. "Most colleagues are more than happy to respect me and my gender identity, and quickly adjust to the new language. I find that most people are genuinely happy to be respectful and to learn about a topic they may not have previously had exposure to."

 

However, they have also consistently come across problems with their pronouns not being respected by certain individuals. At one workplace (working for an LGBT organization, no less), the lead rabbi consistently misgendered them for years, and the organization refused to update their paperwork and documentation, even after their name was legally changed.  At another workplace, after informing staff of their pronouns through email, they were chastised by management for giving people the "directive" of using their pronouns, and told that no one is required to use their pronouns, in direct conflict with the law.

 

"The undercurrent of my experiences is that, while many people are accepting, that can be overshadowed by one or two transphobic people, and that policies and procedures are necessary to create safe work environments for non-binary people," they said. "Had any of the offices I worked at had policies or training for staff, or even simply communicated the law and their expectation that staff use my pronouns, it would have gone a long ways towards making me feel safe and affirmed in the workplace."