The No. 1 Thing Successful Women Tell Themselves When They’re Feeling Insecure at Work

What should you do when you feel insecure at work? Is there a specific mantra women should tell themselves to lift their spirits? Or is there a certain activity that is proven to boost their confidence? 

After speaking with a few career experts, I have learned that there are several ways you can manage insecurity in the workplace. However, there is one activity that allows women at all stages of their careers to feel strong and at the top of their game in everything they do.

Identify your major wins.

Emily Kapit, MS, MRW, ACRW, CRPW, is the founder and lead career strategist and career resilience expert at ReFresh Your Step Coaching & Consulting. Kapit, who works with executives at all levels and all sectors, works on strategies to help women in the workplace de-escalate feelings of insecurity.

One of the best strategies is to identify major wins. Kapit recommends taking a moment to identify your top three recent wins. Then, write them down so they are readily accessible. 

Remember that the wins you write down must be wins that could not have happened without you. 

“Look at these wins during moments of insecurity and remind yourself that you are a talented, impactful person...here are ‘but a few’ examples of how,” Kapit explained.

These wins, as Kapit mentions, are just three examples of the mark you’ve made in the workplace. You may have many more to add to the list, but these are the primary wins that you are most proud of.

“Seeing your worth and building out resilience comes down to seeing your impact, qualitative and/or quantitative, and reminding yourself of those examples as often as you need!” Kapit says.

Why should we identify our major wins?

One of the most important aspects in identifying our major wins is creating a positive self-narrative. Insecurity will try to cut down our achievements. Identifying our wins is simply the first step toward reversing this narrative and becoming more positive.  

Amy Sanchez is an executive career coach and CEO of Swim Against the Current. Sanchez says that one of the exercises she works on with clients is tracking their internal self-narrative to bring the unconscious to the conscious realm. Many people, as Sanchez explains, have internal destructive messages. After years of internalizing these destructive messages, it becomes a habit—and sometimes an unconscious one, at that. 

In this exercise, Sanchez says you must identify the destructive thoughts and challenge the validity of these thoughts. She says that ten times out of ten, the destructive thought is inaccurate. Once you understand the inaccuracy of the negative thought, it can be replaced with a positive one.

For example, consider the number of times you might have thought, “I can’t do this.” Identifying your previous wins and challenging the validity of this destructive thought allows us to flip its narrative. Instead of thinking “I can’t,” we empower ourselves to think, “I can do this. In fact, I have done this.”

Developing a positive self-narrative does take a bit of time initially. According to Sanchez, however, it is possible with practice. More importantly, people of all ages and at all stages in their careers can do this. The more you practice this exercise, the more it becomes second nature. It’ll make you feel better, and you’ll start to see your success soar.

“When I’m feeling uncertain, I’ll take time to think about my past accomplishments and remind myself that things have always worked out in the past and I have the ability to carve my own path,” Sanchez says. “When I remind myself that I always have a choice and I am capable, it inevitably makes me feel better.” 

Deborah Sweeney is the CEO of MyCorporation.com which provides online legal filing services for entrepreneurs and businesses, startup bundles that include corporation and LLC formation, registered agent services, DBAs, and trademark and copyright filing services. You can find MyCorporation on Twitter at @MyCorporation.