8 Things You Should Never Say to a Working Dad

Gone are the days when men were the sole moneymakers of the household. Gone are the times when dads were expected to participate little in their children's lives. Women are getting out into the workplace and fathers are stepping up to the childcare plate. While stereotypical familial roles haven't reversed, there are more breadwinners of more genders than ever before.

Yet even as we support and encourage traditional homemakers in their movement to the workforce, there are still many fathers out there who remain hardworking at their jobs. These fathers don’t all have the traditional finance go-out-for-a-drink-with-the-guys jobs we may associate with the 1950s patriarchy, but that doesn’t mean they don’t work long, hard hours outside of the home.

What is a "working dad"?

Working dads are simply fathers with jobs. They've got children or even a family at home that they love and care for. But they've also got obligations to their job, workplace and career. 

They aren't new; they've been around as long as men who have children have also had jobs. But the term has become more important as the pressure for a work-family balance has built onto these men. If we want to lift childcare responsibilities from mothers and partners everywhere, we need to expect that dads — even working ones — will help out.

8 Things You Shouldn’t Tell Working Dads

The concept of a “working dad” may be a little unfamiliar to us, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat the idea with respect. If we want to support working moms and non-traditional family lifestyles, we have to care and uplift the whole new family picture. Here's what to avoid when talking to a working dad.

1. "Don’t you miss your kids?"

Of course he does. It’d be terrible and unheard of if he didn’t. Asking a question like this reinforces the divide between work and family, and implies that he’s choosing one over the other. Being a father may be more important to him than being his position in his career, but he may need to do it to support his family.

2. "Couldn’t you just take some more time off?" 

3. "Do you feel guilty for leaving your kids at home?" 

4. "What do you do to help around the house?"

5. "How does your partner feel about you leaving the house every day?"

6. "Are you going to take paternity leave?"

Companies that offer paternity leave have taken great steps to lift the responsibility from mothers and wives to take sole care of their babies after they're born. However, every company does not offer the same benefits. Some may only offer a few days off, while others will barely pay, if at all. While he may want to be there for his newborn child, the politics surrounding his capacity to do so are controversial and can be upsetting to a nearly new parent.

7. "Nice to see you finally got to spend some time with the kids."

8. "Wow, you're so good at [commonplace childcare action]."

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Zoë Kaplan is an English major at Wesleyan University in the class of 2020. She writes about women, theater, sports, and everything in between. Read more of Zoë’s work at www.zoëkaplan.com.