The Right Way to Confront Someone Who Undermines You at Work


woman explaining her ideas in a meeting


Melody Wilding
Melody Wilding26
July 25, 2024 at 6:22PM UTC
You’re sitting in a meeting and a coworker takes credit for your idea. Or maybe you stay late to finish a project, but your name is left off of the final presentation. Your boss grabs the limelight and accepts all the praise.
Even if you work in a company that encourages collaboration, some people still go too far and inappropriately monopolize work as their own, never crediting others.
It’s infuriating when someone blatantly rips off your ideas. It feels wrong. Unfair. You want justice and may even feel a little victimized.
How should you handle these situations? You may be torn between seeking a confrontation with the difficult people who took credit for your ideas and letting it go altogether. Should you jump into the situation as soon as possible to reclaim your project? Or retreat and hope it’s a one-time thing?
Whether intentional or an honest oversight, colleagues may take credit where it isn't due. Here are seven tips to keep your feelings in check and respond to the situation like a professional.
1. Tune into your reaction, then mine those emotions in positive ways.
You care about your job, so when someone steals your idea, it's natural to be upset. There’s no right or wrong way to feel. In fact, your emotions may sway from anger to defeat.
The first step is to notice what what feelings you have. Developing the self-awareness to deal with the emotions that come up and act on them constructively is key. This might mean taking time to calm down, perhaps by channeling your anger into a sweat-breaking workout. For others, it may involve processing hurt or disappointment by talking with a mentor or journaling.
2. Get your boundaries firmly in place (the sooner, the better).
Don’t stew in your hurt, only to bring it up a month later. So much can happen during that time that it’s possible your coworker may not even remember the incident that prompted your to feel angry.
It's also completely okay to stand up for yourself in the moment. Taking action the moment the issue occurs creates a strong boundary that will pay off in the future. If someone takes credit for your ideas in a meeting you can say, "That's exactly the strategy I suggested we try yesterday. Let's revisit the plans."
3. Talk solutions, not trash.
If you confront the person directly, start by asking questions instead of making accusations. This shifts the burden of proof to the offending party, who then will have to explain why she took credit for the project or idea.
You might say something like, “I noticed that when you talked about the project in the meeting earlier this week, you said ‘I’ instead of ‘we.’ Can you tell me why you framed it that way?” You’ll be making it clear you noticed, and that it wasn’t right.
Of course, no matter how you approach the conversation, the person may also deny it happened, suggest she may do it again, or imply that she did it to undermine you. If the conversation heads in this direction, then you’ll need to involve your supervisors. Just remember you’ll need evidence that the work or idea was actually yours.
4. Don’t shy away from self-promotion.
In today’s workplace, there tends to be a huge emphasis on teams. As a result, many professionals never learn how to promote themselves in a healthy way.
Here’s a simple place to start: When you discuss the project, use personal pronouns. You might say, "Thanks, I'm glad you liked my work. I stayed late yesterday to finish, and I think it paid off.
5. Future-proof your ideas.
Talk with your boss before beginning work on a project. Create a plan for getting buy-in for the initiative across the company. Set expectations by posing questions like:
• How will we build support for our idea?
• Who are the project owners? Who oversees responsibility—and for which tasks?
• When will we present these ideas to senior management?
• Who will answer questions and be responsible for follow-up?
Keep the door open to revisit these agreements. The contribution structure you’re planning on can sometimes change. It works well—and prevents conflict later—to email a chart detailing exactly who’s going to be responsible for what.
6. Become an idea-generator
Consider sharing your best ideas by explaining them to groups instead of one colleague. Document them in memos and emails. Even invite others to add to and develop the ideas. Then you’ll have the opportunity to acknowledge and thank your coworkers for their input—without ownership of the project becoming a problem.
In doing so, you’ll draw attention as an innovator and get known around the office for being gracious and inclusive. You'll earn a reputation as a go-to for creativity, originality and ingenuity. What could be better?
7. Be generous about sharing credit yourself.
Much as how great CEOs model leadership behavior, your coworkers are more likely to give a nod to your great ideas if you’re generous about sharing credit yourself.
If you manage a team, play the role of a coach. Encourage your team to think of opportunities for getting their work recognized. One idea is to add a slide at the end of a presentation giving credit to your team (just make sure you get to that slide if you’re pressed for time!).
When you work in a fast-paced, competitive work environment ideas are circulating constantly. Like it or not, having someone steal credit is a common occurrence. But there are ways you can respond with poise. In the process you’ll hone important skills like communication, negotiation, and self-promotion that’ll make you a better leader and set you up for success if this challenge arises again.
Melody Wilding is a coach and licensed social worker who helps ambitious high-achievers manage the emotional aspects of having a successful career. Her clients include CEOs and C-level executives at top Fortune 500 companies such as Google and HP, as well as media personalities, startup founders, and entrepreneurs across industries. She also teaches Human Behavior at Hunter College in NYC. Get free tools to grow your career confidence at A version of this article originally appeared on Forbes.

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