Gaelle considered herself a confident woman. She had just been promoted into a higher-level position at work that put her on a leadership team with her peers. Her boss told her that he had promoted her in part because she had fresh ideas that the team needed. It was clear that he expected her to share her ideas and change the dynamics of the team.
Gaelle was confident that she could do the job. She spent the next three meetings sharing ideas — and having those ideas ignored or dismissed completely by the team. By the fourth meeting, she got quiet, completely defeated by the experience. She had no idea how she’d gone from an outspoken, competent leader to the woman in the room with nothing to add to the conversation.
Her lack of self-confidence and feeling that she couldn;t handle certain situations or find success could very well become a self-fulfilling prophecy. She knew she had to do something different. Her boss told her to be more confident in the meetings. When Gaelle came to me at Negotiate With Confidence, she had no idea what that meant. Build self-confidence? The thing is, confidence is a catchall word. Want more out of life? Build your confidence! Want to get ahead at work? Show more confidence!
But what does that mean and how can you do it, really? In my course Negotiate With Confidence, we break it down to action: what you think, what you say and what you do. These negotiation skills are ones you use in your everyday conversations that help you get more of what you want at work.
There are things we do every day, habits that we’ve accidentally acquired, that make us feel and look weak. These habits are so pervasive, you probably don’t even know you have them. Once we shed light on them, you'll be equipped with the tools to change how you're perceived and you will start to feel more confident.
What you think: Confidence starts in your own mind.
If you think of yourself as knowledgeable and capable, other people will start to see you that way. The term “fake it till you make it” is true. Positive self-talk is important for boosting high self-esteem building self-confidence. This is because self-confident people boast healthy self-esteem.
But you can’t stop there. It’s not enough to have a positive self-image, as Gaelle found out; you also have to understand what's going on in groups and with the people around you.
Gaelle made some assumptions about what's going on in these meetings that are probably not true.
Understanding what’s really going on will change the way you think about the situation and yourself, especially if you lack of confidence. Then you can focus on what you say and how you say it so that you don't come across as weak.
What you say and what you do: How you say what you say and do what you do can make you appear confident or not.
There are words you use every day that make you sound weak and insecure. There are good reasons that these words have snuck into your everyday conversations. Women are expected to be likeable above all else, so these words soften your message so you can be seen as a nice, easy-to-get-along-with person.
You can make these slight adjustments so you’re still nice but also clear.
Just imagine for a minute that you’re Gaelle. Now, instead of assuming that you’re not knowledgeable enough, your ideas aren't good enough and you’re not able to thrive at this new higher-level position, you suddenly see that it’s not about what you’re doing wrong. You realize you need to build confidence.
It’s more about understanding what’s happening so you can shift your behavior to be more effective every day. If you wanted to make a presentation, you’d learn to use PowerPoint or Keynote. If you want to be seen as confident, you’ll learn what to think, what to say and what to do that will help you feel and be seen as confident.
Are you ready to get that raise or promotion you’ve been working so hard to get? You can earn what you deserve! I will teach you how to ask for what you want and feel great about it at Negotiate With Confidence.
Topics To Explore