Victoria Smith-Douglas
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Geographer, writer, educator.

Being aware of the signs of flirting at work is useful for all of us.  Whether or not you're open to an office relationship or if you have your eye on a colleague, knowing when others are interested is the first step to avoiding professional and romantic awkwardness at work. Here’s how to know if someone is flirting with you at work, the common signs, and most importantly — what you can do about it depending on how you feel.

 

How do you know if someone is flirting with you at work?

It may be an instinctive, universal human behavior, but people flirt in different ways.  According to research on flirting , no one  is  good at spotting when someone is interested, although they're better at picking up that they're not.  Here are 17 signs of flirting to look for in the workplace.

1. Oh, you again!

If they’re always there, running into you “accidentally” or looking for excuses to talk, email you, Slack you or hop on a Zoom, that’s a strong sign your coworker is interested.  They may even adjust their schedules or switch their break times to coincide with yours.  If they seem to be doing anything to spend a little bit of time with you, chances are they’re interested.

2. Physical proximity.

Do they always make sure to grab the seat next to you at the morning meeting?  Do they take every opportunity to stand nearby at the photocopier? Look to see if they maintain less personal space when in conversation with you compared with other coworkers.

If you’re working virtually, stay aware of how this coworker interacts with you in group video meetings. Are they looking at you a little too closely on camera? Do they keep privately chatting with you during the All Hands meeting? 

3. Physical contact.

A brief touch on the shoulder, a light brush against the arm or a playful nudge of the elbow might make you suspect someone is flirting.  If this type of contact happens often, whether disguised as accidental or not, it could be flirting.

4. Body language.

Leaning in when they speak with you, angling their feet or knees toward you and mirroring are well-known indicators many people look for. When we flirt we often make unconscious movements, such as touching our hair or face or fidgeting.  

This translates to the online world as well. Are they adjusting their screen and smiling nervously on camera often? The same indicators apply — you may just have to look a little harder.

5. Compliments.

If someone compliments you at work, it usually just means you’re doing a good job.  But do they compliment you frequently?  Are the compliments just work-related, or do they relate to your personality, appearance or general qualities?  If a colleague appears to be looking for reasons to pay you a compliment, this suggests they’re flirting.

6. Playful teasing, banter and joking.

This is a classic form of flirting that can be seen in school classrooms across the globe.  That doesn’t mean we grow out of it as we get older, and certain work environments can be conducive to this behavior. Conversations can be light-hearted at work, but if they’re bordering on exclusive teasing, be on alert.

7. Are you single?

If someone is interested, they’ll want to know if you’re available and subtly or not so subtly try to find out. They’ll also find a way to let you know they’re single.  But beware of married colleagues or those in relationships who might be deliberately hiding their relationship status as part of their flirting technique.

8. When you’re smiling…

When someone is flirting, they'll tend to smile at you a lot with a glint in their eye.  Another facial expression to look for is raised eyebrows, indicating interest or excitement. 

9. Eye contact.

Prolonged eye contact goes beyond the two-to-three-second glance that most people are comfortable with. If your work colleague is gazing into your eyes whenever you speak, then it could be that they're very interested. It might be harder to tell whether someone’s making eye contact with you on a video call, but if they’re never looking away, it could be a sign.

10. Looking at you a bit too closely. 

Looking you up and down as they speak is an obvious giveaway that someone’s interested.  But regularly glancing your way for no particular reason is another behavior you might notice from a flirt. 

11. Paying close attention.

Do they give you undivided attention when you speak?  Do they lean in and look interested, even if you’re going over last month’s budget report, and remember every detail?  Do they call back to your points all the time, never missing a word? While your coworkers should be interested in your work, an obsession of attention  can be a sign of workplace flirtation. 

12. A helping hand.

If they voluntarily help you out, they could be looking for your attention, hoping to impress you or trying to show their interest.  They might speak up for you or consistently agree with your opinions. Perhaps they are simply a very supportive colleague. On the other hand, they could be actively trying  to spend extra time with you, even at the cost of their own job.

13. Invitation to meet outside work. 

Whether just to grab a coffee at break time,  meet for drinks after work, or set up a virtual lunch time, when a colleague expresses that they want to see you outside of work, it shows they want more than a professional relationship. While having personal relationships with coworkers can facilitate healthy working relationships, they can also cross boundaries and leave both parties feeling uncomfortable.

14.  Social media attention.

It’s not unusual to have work colleagues who are part of your social media network.  But how interested are you really in your colleagues’ Instagram posts?  If a coworker is liking every post and is always the first to respond, this is probably more than just politeness.

15. Sharing personal information.

If their conversation goes beyond work-relevant chat, and they want to share deeper and more intimate topics, they’re inviting you to be part of their personal life.  Again, the personal isn’t always negative — but be aware of what kind of personal details they’re sharing. Are they focused on their dating life, or just sharing the tennis match they played this weekend?

16. Laughing at your jokes.

Maybe you’re just a great comedian, but laughing at all your jokes is a good indication your coworker is flirting.  Similarly, if they’re always trying to make you laugh, it’s another strong sign.  If their jokes include sexual references and innuendo, the indications are even stronger — and are not appropriate in a work context If you feel uncomfortable with their jokes, call out their behavior or seek help from HR.

17. Behaving differently around you.

This is the most important sign to look for.  If you suspect someone might be flirting with you, always check to see if they act the same way with other people or if you've been singled out for special attention. Many people have flirtatious personalities, but if someone is extra-friendly with you, that’s the clearest sign that they’re flirting.

What to do about it.

An important thing to remember about workplace flirtation is that it's not necessarily a sign that the person wants a relationship.  Some people use flirting as a way to lighten the mood and get through the workday, while others might even use it as a career-advancement strategy.  What matters is how you feel about the flirting and whether you think their behavior is appropriate for the workplace. Once you’ve deciphered if the flirter is genuine or just a playful or even strategic flirt, you need to decide what you want to do about it.  

If you’re interested.

Office romances are certainly risky, but that doesn’t stop many of us from trying them out.  If you’ve deciphered that a coworker is flirting and decided to either flirt back or respond to their interest directly, make sure you do it in the right way to avoid breaking the written or unwritten rules of your workplace.  You’ll want to check your employer’s policy on workplace dating first. You should take a step back to consider if the potential relationship is worth the potential career difficulties you could face.

If you’re not.

.  If you want to be less straight forward, quietly demonstrate your lack of interest by maintaining physical and virtual distance, keeping communication to essentials and professional in tone and avoiding being alone together.  Alternatively, take the more direct approach of clearly stating your feelings.  How you choose to respond might depend on your relative positions in the workplace. If the source of the unwanted flirtation is in either a supervisory or subordinate position to you, greater care must be taken. If you feel uncomfortable or if the flirting has crossed the line to sexual harassment, consult with HR or a superior. Workplace flirting should never interfere with you achieving your career goals, and if a coworker’s flirting is stopping you from getting what you want out of your career, shut it down.

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This article reflects the views of the author and not necessarily those of Fairygodboss.

Carly Zinderman is a freelance content provider specializing in lifestyle including travel, food, fashion, beauty, home decor, entertainment, health, fitness and wellness, and green living.

Victoria Smith-Douglas is an experienced educator, curriculum expert, geographer and freelance writer with expertise in SEO, social media, marketing and research.

What’s your no. 1 piece of advice for dealing with a flirty coworker? Share your answer in the comments to help other Fairygodboss members!