How can I get over these fears? I realize how bad this sounds.
I am 58 and working on rebuilding my life and am looking at an opportunity which requires travel one time per year. I'm afraid of flying. I also feel uncomfortable with team building activities especially since most are younger than me. I don't want these two fears to get in the way of a good opportunity. Perhaps it could help me to get over these fears? The job market is really hard right now and I am currently in a bad role. The new job pays less but would position me to be stronger in the long run and give me skills/experience to do side contract work. Besides the travel part, I like everything about it. Has anyone overcome these fears or can relate?
Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition Specialist
22.09k
08/25/25 at 3:39PM UTC
VALIUM - I used it for the dentist - total game changer. I was like "why didn't someone give me this stuff years ago - all that suffering for nothing".
Ayian
1.9k
08/25/25 at 12:42PM UTC
Talk to a professional hypnotist about your fear of flying. Seriously. :)
Anonymous
08/25/25 at 12:12PM UTC
I'm saying this with kindness, so please don't take it the wrong way, but don't look for job to help you get over a phobia. If you are afraid of flying, don't apply for a job where flying at some point will be a requirement. Team building activities are unpleasant, yes...but it's a small bit of awkwardness that we all have to endure at some point. Fear of flying, that's a bit of a different animal.
Anonymous
08/25/25 at 12:26PM UTC
I take your answer to mean that I should not take a job if I have a fear of flying. To be clear, I am not trying to use a job to get over a phobia, but want to get over the phobia so I can get into a better job.
Anonymous
08/24/25 at 8:53PM UTC
Like you I absolutely HATE team building exercises and traveling to company conferences. Have done them all my career. They are a smile and suck it up moment. I find them
invasive and can be dangerously bad for your career if you don’t manage it properly. Back in the old days we
would even have to share a room
with Another colleague! Yuck. So my rules were to first of all smile and not talk badly about the activities even if they were horrendous. Tell
myself that I would make
sure to learn at least three valuable things and get to know at least
one person that I hadn’t already known. I would only ever allow myself one drink and would practice the queens etiquette as a way of
entertaining myself. This practice
held me in good stead. These days it’s even more critical given the overly sensitive and critical view of the younger folks. They can really be insufferable. That’s how my practicing manners saves me from getting into inappropriate conversations these days. Good luck and try to have fun
WirkKarl
77
08/24/25 at 12:36PM UTC
Thank you for sharing this so openly. It takes courage to name these fears, and you’re already showing strength by considering a new opportunity at this stage of life. Many people overcome fear of flying gradually short flights, breathing exercises, or even talking to the crew can help. As for team building, younger colleagues often respect the perspective and calm that comes with experience. This role might be just the kind of stretch that helps you grow beyond those fears.
Anonymous
08/24/25 at 12:17PM UTC
With respect to the flying once a year is it an absolute critical part of your job? Are their alternatives? Can you use teleconferencing etc. If you were required to travel 10-25% it might not be a match.
with respect to ice breakers and working with younger teams you will likely have to face this everywhere.
If the job seems great see a therapist. For the flying I think there are options depending on severity of anxiety you can consider. In addition to therapy: possibility of virtual attendance, anxiety meds, alternative travel by rail or car, paying for the cost of a traveling companion to help keep you calm.
I also wonder if you sensed a vibe there that was making you uneasy. So if it doesn’t feel right it’s probably you sensing that this isn’t the right fit.
Only you can decide if the job is worth the work you’d have to do to feel comfortable.
Anonymous
08/26/25 at 12:31PM UTC
I am guessing that the once a year flying is to a conference. I hope the OP can get some assistance with fear of flying ( or take transit / train ) . It won't go over well that they have an issue 1 time per year .
Anonymous
08/24/25 at 5:21PM UTC
GREAT points! Maybe instead of flying to the conference or whatever it is, she can "hold down the fort" at the home office while most others travel to the thing, and she could still participate via Zoom, Google Meets, or whatever platform they use. There might be other employees unable to travel for family reasons; having an online option would make it more accessible (and save the company money on plane fare and hotels for those who don't really want to go or can't.)
If I ran a company and everything was great about an employee except she was very afraid to fly, I would find a way so she didn't have to, whether it's Zoom calls, alternate transportation, or simply excusing her from the thing and letting her do something else at the regular office instead.
Anonymous
08/24/25 at 2:05AM UTC (Edited)
It takes a strong will to improve your life. Therapy can help and so can anxiety meds.
It's important to make choices. Not just succumb. You can definitely turn this job down. Nothing says you have to force yourself to do something that could, potentially, land you somewhere worse off. But at some point you (and no one can do the work but you....there is no secret answer) must choose to grow and learn and improve your life. And that choice must be in action. Not just ruminating abd stressing.
I wish there was magic insight. But it comes to will. And will is more than strength. Will is spirit. And everyone that finds their will finds it in different ways. It's a journey where help comes from different sources but most people need to dig deep.
