Need advice ( and interview first impression)

23 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 7,2022 at 9:02PM UTC

   Unfortunately, in all work environments there is always those few jerks/clowns that have the audacity to ask ethnicity/religion questions, especially during interviews.

   These clowns have not learned that it is in poor taste unless the person extends that invitation of information out first. Furthermore, it is extremely difficult to cite EEO laws during the interview because often times the interviewee really wants and or needs the job applied for.

   What is even more unfortunate is that during that interview it is almost impossible to gauge whether that person is a serial bigot where that question is a segway to a whole level of other ignorant soundbites leading to more irritating disrespectful and demoralizing experiences. Or if the person genuinely wants to get to know you and about your culture. And I really could not tell from your description.

   On a positive note: You seemed to have more positive vibes from what the job itself would entail that seemed to trump his inappropriate question.

   Best advice I can give is learn how to navigate these types of people tactfully. Some are intentionally cynical, and some are genuinely curious. But trust your gut. If you see a pattern of bigoted behavior, set healthy boundaries if you need to and directly address it before it becomes habitual. For example, I do not feel comfortable with you asking me that question in a work setting. Or, I am not okay with the generalization you made about my culture/country, especially since we are in a worksetting.

   Always end your sentence with "worksettting" to remind folks where the heck they are and not at a bar with you throwing back shots to be that reckless with their mouth.

   Good Luck!

2. AnonymousMay 10,2022 at 7:36AM UTC

   I love your suggestion of learning how to navigate those conversations tactfully.

   i am using this as a learning opportunity and will be better prepared in the future with similar questions / scenarios

   While it is only speculation from my lens, i believe he was genuinely curious. (i can only make an educated guess)
   I didn’t get that vibe and he mentioned living close to where he was born his whole life and was impressed with where i lived. Even if he was genuinely curious, i don’t think this line of questionning belongs in an interview since there is a subtle power dynamic at play during interviews and you feel compelled to answer if you really want the role

3. AnonymousMay 10,2022 at 1:25PM UTC

   Thank you.
   They are lucky to have you on their team. Congratulations and best wishes in all of your endeavors.

4. Lucy LoreMay 7,2022 at 9:20PM UTC

   Lack of openess and insufficient information from him leads to the conclusion this may not be a smart move for you...

5. AnonymousMay 10,2022 at 7:20AM UTC

   Thanks Lucy.

   i am getting this feeling.

   At this juncture, I think I’ll meet the team and make a decision afterwards.

6. Kristen ScanlonMay 8,2022 at 5:31PM UTC

   I was out of work since July of 2021 as well.
   It got to a point where I took a job just so I could continue to put food on the table. Right as I took that job then a better job offered me a position a week after I started. Sometimes we take a job to just get us through. While not optimal, it can get you through to the next role. It is often easier to find a job when you already have one. The pressure isn’t there when interviewing.

   This guy sounds like he may not know the HR boundaries, which isn’t exactly unusual these days. Being in HR, I have found a lot of the higher ups misstep and I have to correct them. But he was also honest in his owning that he doesn’t necessarily know the ins and outs of the job you would be doing and focused on the personality. Again, not all that uncommon.

   My antennae comes up when he talks about being laid back, etc. I find that they say that and they really aren’t because they aren’t sure of what you’re doing. A better question he could have asked was ‘what do you need in a manager to be successful?’ Then they’re seeing if they fit your expectations vs trying to sell themselves to you.

   I’d still keep moving forward and decide from there.

7. AnonymousMay 10,2022 at 7:28AM UTC

   Appreciate you sharing your experience Kristen.

   >>>may I ask, what did you do about the job offer your received a week after you started that new role?

   i know i thought the same might happen similarly to me, but as you said the pressure of interviewing isn’t there.

   Also it was interesting to me that your antenna went up when he stated ‘laid back’. This didn’t stick up so much to me until you mentioned it. One possibility that’s coming up for me is that he is a new manager m( which also might explain his misstep with the national origin question)

   >>> as an aside, This is why I love fairygodboss so much and the mutual suport :) You don’t feel alone and learning from everyone’s experience and ideas are so helpful!

8. Kristen ScanlonMay 11,2022 at 1:10AM UTC

   I took the new role. I spoke to the manager I had at the time and said that I had been interviewing at many places that week, this was a place where my heart was for the work they do and, since I was still in training, I was able to be done the same day. No hard feelings. I started the new job the following day.

9. AnonymousMay 13,2022 at 6:33AM UTC

   Thanks for sharing and letting me know about how your transparench and candidness worked out. Congratulations and good luck!

10. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistMay 8,2022 at 7:38PM UTC

    I would continue in the process and see what happens. I'm a big believer in saying yes - you can always say no later.

    It sounds like you've got your antennae up, and that's what's important - evaluate for red flags at every step.

11. AnonymousMay 10,2022 at 7:18AM UTC

    Thanks Joan!

    since I left a team where the team members often had conflicts and I often mediated.. I’ve been worried that my antenna has been extra on alert during interviews .

    Agree that saying yes at this stage is exploratory and not a final ‘yes’

12. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachMay 9,2022 at 2:11PM UTC

    I agree with Joan. Continue with the process, it will build your interviewing experience and confidence. And when you meet the team you'll get a better sense of this manager.

    I agree that there are some caution flags waving here. It is concerning that he would speak so derogatorily about the outgoing person. Good luck! Play it out and do trust your instincts.

13. AnonymousMay 10,2022 at 7:13AM UTC

    Thanks Susan.

    i agree that he could have talked about the roles & responsibilities without mentioning her by name.
    interesting, I had just read a ‘how to notice red flags during interview’ article a few hours prior to that interview. They had listed 8 scenariow with the one. L

14. AnonymousMay 10,2022 at 7:09AM UTC

    OP update!

    thanks so much for sharing your pearls of wisdom!

    Appreciate all your input and will report back after the visit ( which I am told will last 4.5h)

15. AnonymousMay 10,2022 at 12:52PM UTC

    He sounds like a lunatic, I would keep looking if you can afford to.

16. AnonymousMay 12,2022 at 2:55PM UTC

    OMG red flags everywhere, please keep looking. You don't need to settle. There are other jobs. The right one will come. Up your application submission rates and networking calls.

17. AnonymousMay 13,2022 at 1:25PM UTC

    Red flags everywhere! He spoke about the outgoing person in a derogatory manner while not knowing what she does. Employees do misstep when it comes to asking illegal questions but seriously a person in his position should not be making this kind of error. Also, he speaks in buzzwords which I personally do not like.

    I would recommend that you still go through the process and then trust your gut as to whether or not you are a fit for this position.

    Good Luck!!!

18. AnonymousMay 13,2022 at 6:58PM UTC

    Thank you for your thoughts.

    That’s my plan, the interview in-person is Tuesday. I’ll report back on impressions.

19. AnonymousMay 13,2022 at 5:03PM UTC

    I empathize with your situation, undergoing a long job search process myself. I agree with the others, lots of red flags. Remind yourself that you have agency and are worthy of the best job for you. With that in mind, you can just continue the interview process for 'practice' so you can just have more experience interviewing.

20. AnonymousMay 13,2022 at 6:56PM UTC

    Thank you for sharing your experience.

    the long job search changes you in a way. That’s the best way i can describe it is that you’re in a different mindset.
    Appreciate you reminding me of my agency and sticking to positive energy and self-worth.

    Good luck with your process as well!

21. AnonymousMay 21,2022 at 8:23PM UTC

    Some cautionary flags but at the same time transperancy. I actually rather the person be direct and show their true colors and thoughts then later finding out the truth. When I interviewed for a role they told me the previous person had gotten promoted and that wasn't true. Also, even though he mentioned her name, you could use that to your advantage and find them on LinkedIn and ask them what their experience was at that company, and why they left. I've heard of other people asking the hiring team who the previous person was in the role, connecting with them and then it helping them out in the negotiation process. Lastly, he said the team doesn't like to be dictated to, and you're right don't think anyone does but glad he pointed it out as good managers coach their people they don't dictate to them. I've seen some managers who don't know how to coach and it can be painful. Continue with the process and really get to know the team and see if it's a good vibe / fit.

22. AnonymousMay 24,2022 at 11:46PM UTC

    OP update!

    I completed the visit which confirmed that I didn’t want the role.

    The team dynamics seemed off and I think there need a lot of trust and psychological safety work with their next manager.

    After being unemployed for these months, I didn’t feel it was good fit.

    I sent the requisite ‘thank you’ follow-up emails on Friday and today got a generic system email from the company HR that they are moving with another candidate.

    I feel good that I went through the process and using that as a learning opportunity.

23. AnonymousMay 24,2022 at 11:47PM UTC

    Thank you all for chiming in and sharing your thoughts, experience and pearls of wisdom.

    I wanted to give an update!