Hello friends!

6 Comments

1. KatApril 24,2023 at 3:01AM UTC

   Not everyone checks references-few jobs even ask for them anymore. Your references just have to be people that you've worked with or know you well enough to answer questions about you. It doesn't have to be a supervisor or anyone at your current company. Don't let that stop you from finding a new job! Polish the resume, get your network activated to find you a new job. You can do this!

2. AnonymousApril 24,2023 at 8:52AM UTC

   I'm in a similar situation and I was here asking for advice as well. I hope your situation works out as it should. I wish you the best.

3. AnonymousApril 24,2023 at 11:12AM UTC

   In your 50's and you need confidence? You already are a part of an empowered group of women! Find a new job! You got this!! If you need inspiration go and watch those Tiktoks or Instagram video of 'If you grew up in the 80's then you drank out of a garden hose and often got intertwined with the phone cord" those videos will remind of your innate resilient abilities! You got this!

4. ANDREA RAGGAMBIApril 24,2023 at 1:18PM UTC

   I'm sorry you're in this situation. Sounds toxic for sure. But, your experience must count for a lot! Where can you add value that your younger colleagues can't? What has your approach been with your boss and colleagues? How is your 'assertiveness' game? Even if it seems 'they started it', how might you be unintentionally playing into this toxicity? Unfortunately, we always play some part in our circumstances. What are you willing to own and how can you change your part in this so that you take your power back? Can you get some therapy or talk to a coach to help build your confidence? You will need it even if you don't stay there. No matter where you go, you will want to feel positive, capable and confident and remember, if we are always at the mercy of our environment and expect to be treated the way we think we should, we will be always be disappointed. That doesn't mean we shouldn't give people the benefit of the doubt but most people are out for themselves. You should be too, in a way that comes across as confident and secure in who you are and what you can offer so give yourself some grace but work on yourself so that you have the energy and ability to put yourself first and do what's best for you in a way that will serve you now and in the future.

5. AnonymousApril 28,2023 at 12:29PM UTC

   I am also dealing with a lack of confidence because of a toxic work environment. To regain confidence, I have a notebook that I write down all my accomplishments, in work and in my personal life. Anything I am proud of. I went back to the first big accomplishment of getting into my college and noted everything I could remember to today. Then I try to write down a few things on a daily basis. Even small stuff like, "I baked a delicious pie"!

   Leaving without a plan b is up to you and your finances. It's extremely hard to land a new job right now for a lot of industries. I've been applying and interviewing for 6 months now and they all say they have a huge increase in applications.

   For references, I haven't used them ever. I think they've been weeded out of the application process because of situations like this and they are so easy to fake. So I wouldn't worry about that.

   Also in my industry, people job hop with under a year of experience all the time so it's not uncommon. Given the time it takes to land a new job, you'll continue to accumulate time at this workplace.

   I would also suggest mentally separating yourself from your work. Know that it doesn't define you. Set up boundaries. Find happiness outside of your job.

6. Nancy J SimonMay 1,2023 at 4:08PM UTC

   I'm going to go a bit against the grain here, only because some of the issues you are up against are likely to follow you into other positions. Gen Z can be difficult to relate to - probably because like us GenX's they have had to deal with many of the same issues growing up. Pair that with the social media influence, the desire to separate work and social life, and different communication styles and we're bound to clash with them.

   I have found working with GenZ I have to be careful not to come across as a parent or confrontational - especially in positions where we are on equal footing. It helps to approach them as a friend/co-worker - not in a false manner, but as myself appropriate to my age (if that makes sense). I have also noticed that if they are struggling with something, it helps to check in with them and see if they would like assistance, and let them accept or decline. Every one of them that I have dealt with are competitive to some degree, and they like to figure things out on their own when they can. It makes it tough to work with them in a team.

   In terms of not communicating - what area? Are they sabotaging you directly and taking credit for your efforts? Are they leaving you out of important deadlines/project decisions? Are they not relating with you socially? It sounds like your manager is one that simply doesn't want to have to deal with what they might be seeing as a petty squabble - with you - unfortunately - being the complainer and the one creating discord. That's a hard spot to be in. Have you tried stepping back, taking a breath, really examining what your expectations are, and determining if they are useful/realistic to the position? It never hurts to evaluate your expectations anyway, simply because it helps you when looking for a job down the road (and what culture questions to ask in interview). It will also help to isolate the problem and gives you a more specific ask to the group for help solving it.

   I didn't intend for a novel, but I hopes this helps a little. It was a jolt when I re-entered the professional workplace in terms of how much it changed environment-wise, and it took some adaptation on my part. Hopefully I communicated what worked for me and it helps you. Good luck - you've got this!