How do I politely and professionally tell my manager that certain topics are inappropriate and I don’t care to talk about them at work?
Our office culture is pretty laid back for the most part, and I don’t mind having certain conversations, but I’d rather leave some topics outside of the work place. My manager recently called me into her office (not unusual) to have an in-depth conversation about the state of race in America (unusual). She asked a couple of questions and I gave generic (but genuine) answers. She then went on to give me scenarios to see how I felt about them. Some were very specific, others were more general but still personal i.e. what race is my medical doctor. This was NOT a casual/informal conversation. It was very formal, and I felt quite uncomfortable. I felt obligated to answer to her and listen to her in-depth “presentation” so to speak. The conversation lasted 30 minutes or so. Maybe more. We have no diversity initiatives or any other work-related reasons to have had this conversation. She said she wanted to get a young POC’s opinion and was doing a sort of personal survey. For context, she is also a POC. It was almost as if I was being called in because I had shown some sort of prejudice. That’s not the case (I’m what most people would call uptight or weird by some, so I don’t engage that much; I’m not as laid back as my other coworkers), but it felt that way. I know she didn’t mean any harm, and we have talked about personal issues in the past, so I’m sure she thought this conversation was okay, but I didn’t appreciate the way it was presented. Thoughts?
Anonymous
08/10/21 at 4:37PM UTC
Tell her that the topic is not relevant to you and request that she move on to another topic. For context to my opinion: I have been both the person who was not the color other people were, for many years, and experienced the practical effects of discrimination - from those who chose to discriminate. Not everyone did so. Then, after moving countries, I was the person who is the color of most other people, and I got the benefits of that situation - from those who chose to view me as the "right color". Not everyone did so. What I learned is that it's a choice to make skin color an issue.
Antonia Calzetti
1.02k
07/09/21 at 4:12PM UTC
Commend her for offering the conversation and ask for specific reasoning behind the conversation - is it for EDIB efforts specific to the organization or something else? Once an employee becomes uncomfortable, it becomes an HR conversation, especially if she does it again and puts you in an awkward position. Document it too.
Anonymous
07/08/21 at 9:06PM UTC
I am a POC and understand completely. While some POC might not mind answering these questions, not everyone is nor should they feel obligated. Not only are these issues complex, the manager/employee dynamic makes it even more sensitive and awkward.
Your concerns are valid. Your personal views are just that "personal" and 1. could be misconstrued, 2. may not necessarily be based on studies (e.g ., academic papers) and 3. the ones you are comfortable sharing may not encompass the most important points/perspectives relevant in a workplace .
If she approaches you again, I would commend her for showing an interest in trying to address DEI in the workplace. I would explain that, given the current societal climate many professionals are available to hire to come speak/guide etc. to employees on such matters and help develop company policies.
If you feel comfortable and want to come across cooperative and part of the solution, you could offer to research and compile a list of professionals .
Anonymous
07/08/21 at 7:57PM UTC
Let her know how uncomfortable you are with the subject matter and how put off your were with the inappropriate what it was forced on you.
Remind her abd the company that you do not want to lead a discussion about diversity and do not appreciate having to share your thoughts on race in the work place.
Anonymous
07/09/21 at 12:37PM UTC
This would come off as combative and likely do more harm than good, don't you think? We have to also consider "how" the words will come across to our superiors, as well as stating our position.
Anonymous
07/08/21 at 7:02PM UTC
*I didn’t feel comfortable having this conversation with my boss, AND I didn’t appreciate the way it was presented. Just to clarify.
Anonymous
07/09/21 at 12:40PM UTC
Blow it off until next time. Everyone has uncomfortable discussions at work. Learn how to deal with them, and consider yourself lucky here:
Be glad yourboss wanted to ask you to get your opinion. Most bosses would just assume from rumors then dock you or terminate you for something else without even speaking with you. At least she respected you enough to ask your opinion.
User deleted comment on 07/09/21 at 12:40PM UTC
