I have a supervisor of our office for attorneys.
I am also an attorney. for the last couple months she tells me that I am dressed unprofessionally even though I am in a dress and cardigan and nice expensive tennis shoes.. when I do not meet with clients or see clients and stay in my office I like to wear shoes with support as I have bad knees and keep my heels in my office just in case. One time when I was asking her work questions she interrupted me to tell me that I need to shower and wash my hair more and it looks like I had not showered in a month. I informed her that I did shower the night before as well as wash my hair. she at a later date brought me products, not knowing my skin history as well as tried to get me to have an appointment with her hair lady. There have been numerous comments about my hair or my attire and shoes. I am one of two female attorneys the other female is the one saying the comments. I have seen the men wear tennis shoes, cowboy boots, khakis, and look disheveled when meeting with clients yet nothing is said to them. our employee handbook does not have a dress code it only says no radical departures from conventional dress. however I am also afraid to say something to other supervisors as she holds a high position and she is considered irreplaceable. however the constant harassment and tear down has been very harmful. anyone have any tips?
It sounds like the biggest issue here is the shoes for you (because of your medical conditions).
If you have issues with your knees that is resulting in you having to have a double knee replacement then you certainly are going to a physician for this. Get a medical letter stating you need accommodation for supportive footwear. Go to your employer and start the iterative process of requesting accommodation. I can't imagine that footwear is going to be an unreasonable request based on the undue hardship test - so you should get the accommodation approved. Then you're protected and can give her a reasonable excuse for your deviation from what she sees as 'unprofessional' footwear.
Couple of thoughts:
-As another posted said, why aren't you using the J.D. behind you name to throw some more weight into this disagreement? I'd be launching every HR legal term at this: bullying, hostile work environment, intimidation! Clearly you know if what this other attorney is doing meets these definitions!
-This will be unpopular...are you really going to the mat on professional dress in a work place? I'll be frank, if I were paying an attorney $500 an hour for their services, I'd have a level of expectation that they be professionally dressed. Even if you're not meeting with clients, you're there representing the firm for every minute you're on the clock. If I walked into an office and saw an attorney in tennis shoes, I'd be turned off. IMO, a dress, cardigan and tennis shoes don't cut it. We're all unfortunately judged on our appearance. I don't think this is an unreasonable request to be presenting your best self. I personally wouldn't get into a pissing contest with someone over "heels required" being in the employee dress code.
-I get that the men in the office aren't held to the same standard...and this sucks! But you've been instructed on some simple steps you can take to shift focus away from your appearance. This is easy, take the path of least resistance.
-What I don't see in your post are complaints about the work or your interest in remaining with this firm. Back to a previous point, do you want to continue being a punching bag for this woman over your insistence on wearing casual gear to the office?
I know a bunch of people on this board are going to scream: you should be judged for your work product, not your appearance! When I read this post, I sense that a lot of this tension between you and this other female attorney could evaporate with a few simple tweaks to your appearance.
Best of luck to you, this must be wildly uncomfortable.
-I do know the legality of things however I have a first year attorney and I am more disposable than her who is the head attorney. While I have filed my complaint I had to make sure of multiple things, does it go along with the standards of our employee handbook, does it follow all the laws to be able to do something after the fact just in case, remember that I do not just have the ability to do whatever I please as I still need the experience to be able to do things. She has a strong pull at our firm and wanted to use caution.
-We are not that kind of firm. We do not make close to that with clients. We are a criminal defense firm that caters to clients who do not have that kind of money. Not a lot of extra funds to be able to buy luxury. I wear a cardigan in areas I am not seen as it is chilly and the blazer just does not cut it. The amount of times I have to walk places that are not seen by clients is a lot, and as a person who will be most likely having a double knee replacement I do not have the luxury to be in heels or shoes that have no support constantly. If I am ever in the eyes of clients I put on the blazer and heels. I dress extremely professional when it comes to clients and court. However I do spend a lot of time in my office to which I never see people, and they do not see me. Regarding your phrase of pissing contest please remember she is seeking me out in my own office where clients do not go to say these things she is taking moments where I am supposed to be learning because I am a starter attorney by attacking my person instead of teaching and answering questions.
-I have actually changed my appearance multiple times to try to satisfy her which has not worked. Again in the eyes of people I am dressed better then most attorneys I see at court, but again not to her satisfaction which is where the confusion lies.
-There are no complaints about my actual work. I do not have interest per se in staying however I need more experience before I can just up and quit and go for something else.
I thank you very much for your opinions and insight as these are all things I have thought about as well. Unfortunately it is just a lot to contemplate.
I don't have an answer for this. I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're experiencing this.
Is this woman your boss or are you her boss? If you're in the superior position, you can let her know that her comments on your appearance and personal hygiene are not appropriate and need to stop. Otherwise, if you are equals or she is senior, I would document each such instance and let the partners know that this is happening and ask for their help in putting a stop to it.
she is a superior. Today we had an attorney meeting and she had it brought up in the meeting about wearing heels everyday even though it is not in the handbook as a requirement, and I am the only other female attorney.
Keep track by documenting the comments with dates and any relevant context.
Once you have a few months worth draft a letter of complaint to the partners and include the documentation. Explain the harassment and targeted treatment.
This must be in writing and this must be sent to the partners.
she is a superior. Today we had an attorney meeting and she had it brought up in the meeting about wearing heels everyday even though it is not in the handbook as a requirement, and I am the only other female attorney.
You are an attorney. Approach this as a legal prosecutor would. You understand abuse of power, you understand a documented trend of harassment and targeted undermining.
You are not seeing the bigger picture.
I understand being scared and not having the will to stand up for yourself. I get it. But don't look for answers where there aren't any.
Approaching as a legal prosecutor is one thing. Especially when you know how much things like this can cost. As a first year attorney I can't throw my career around. If I were to get fired and could do something about it legally that costs money which I do not have as I make enough to live right now. What if she does retaliate as she has years on me as well as financial standing. There is a lot to consider in standing up for yourself as anyone should know. You can't just think of the best scenario you have to think about all the things that could go wrong and in reality as a female who is young and only starting out things could very much so go wrong.