well, not really.
Towards the end of 2020 - August - I met someone. I thought he was my person. I pictured an entire life with this person. He treated me really well. And I was good to him. He always said I deserved better. But I didn't want "better", I just wanted him. Anyway - fast forward to Christmas Eve - minutes before I'm to leave to go to his place he breaks up with me over the phone. I didn't see it coming. A few days later he sent me an email to let me know he had been on his way out "for a while" and I needed to move on. He refused to speak to me over the phone and blocked me on everything. Eventually even email.
Here I am...a month later and I still think about him everyday. I still miss him. I still wonder why things ended. He says he didn't want to be in a relationship with me and I deserve better and whatever. I don't know. It doesn't make any sense to me. And I'm having a very, very hard time letting go. Just sitting here typing all this out I'm in tears. I want him back so much - and he wants nothing to do with me. I don't know how to process this and let go. I can't be mad at him because he really did treat me very well. He was just always so gun-shy about being in a committed relationship. And we worked on making sure we valued each others boundaries and needs. I just don't know where it went wrong and he doesn't have any answers for me and that's very hard for someone like me who is an answer seeker. A problem solver. I solution oriented person. It's why I'm good at my job. However, a lot of times - those "skills" don't translate well into my personal life.
I don't know how to move past this. I don't know how to let him go. I'm really, really struggling with this. And most people just tell me, "Oh, just forget about him." I'd like to...but that's the problem. I think I'm okay and then a wave of emotions hit me and I'm a mess. I miss him. I miss him so much. And it sucks. It really forking sucks. He will not see or speak to me. He's been super hard-lined about it. So I'm asking for guidance - some help. How does one move on without getting those answers they seek so desperately? How do I let go and move on during a pandemic where I'm stuck at home all the time? I can't even go out with my friends to get drunk and drown my sorrows. I'm alone with my thoughts...all.the.time. Has anyone had to deal with anything like this during shutdown/quarantine? Any ideas? Any guidance? Any encouraging/supportive words or advice? I'm really, really struggling.
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