My Own Worst Enemy
I have always pushed myself to do the best I can and this has opened up great opportunities to me. However, lately it has become more of a burden than anything else. At work, we have lost several key individuals, have experienced a lot of change, uncertainty in leadership's vision, and not to mention - COVID19. At home, I've been dealing with several health issues all related to stress. I'm also taking classes at night.
Overall, my biggest stressor seems to be my mind. I can no longer separate my own expectations of myself from the expectations of others. For example, I convince myself that I am seen as lazy or inefficient at work by everyone. My coworkers and other leaders in my dept. have told me this is not true, but my boss does not give direct feedback.
I also am not allowed to take more than three days off at a time because I am deemed too valuable to be allowed to take off for longer periods of time (according to my boss). I just feel like I need a break, but I'm struggling with how to create space for myself to heal this extreme burnout.
Help please! Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Hi! Firstly, thank you for sharing, I can honestly say I have been in your shoes, and it's a challenging place to be.
Personally, I always feel like the first step needs to be figuring out what the root of the problem is - you've mentioned a lot of things going on, but figuring out what's at the root of it all will help understand next steps.
If you can, try and spend some time really thinking about this - it's uncomfortable, I know. But I do think it's the first step.
Good luck, and we are all here to help!
It sounds like you are a high performer and your team values your contributions. You can improve your overall wellbeing and how you experience your work and deal with stress.
Science has shown that negative thoughts and emotions trigger stress hormones in the body that often drain energy, reduce performance and inhibit mental clarity. Habitual patterns of stress and negative emotions are kind of like junk food – they take away from our health and vitality.
Here are some proven ways to get the results you seek whether you get more time off or not:
1) Break your burnout cycle - Add a daily mindfulness practice. Multiple studies have proven regular meditation rewires your brain into healthy patterns. Greater Good In Action at UC Berkeley has great info and meditations. UCLA Mindful has free guided mediations on their app.
I mediate at the start of my day and during the day to center myself before meetings so I can be focused.
2) Challenge Your Inner Critic with Bryan Katie's process "The Work". Asking those 4 questions can help you release the stress around your performance and key relationships
3) Keep a physical reminder of a past success in view when you work. For some it's a physical object ( marathon number, hospital bracelet, awards) and for others its a picture or quote that reminds you of your strength to overcome difficulties and be happy.
Youtube : Abraham Hicks. :) Amazing hacks for energy on that channel.
Start by scheduling 3 days of each month if possible. Make the 3 days be on either side of a weekend. Planning those days ahead of time gives you something to look forward. Start prioritising your deliverables around these long weekends.
As far as boss goes. Try not to read too much into it. 2020 is a complete nightmare for everyone. Who knows what your boss is dealing with.
Sounds like you have imposter syndrome. Read up on it and learn strategies for dealing with it.
Hope this helps!
I have started doing this and I find that it does help, but only if I completely shut off work (if that makes sense). I've added into my email autoreply that I will not be available via phone or email even if I am staying home and this has helped tremendously.
Boundaries:
You are the only one that can set boundaries. No one is going to do that for you. I had the same issue and while back and I have burned out twice, it's not pretty. I learned the hard way. You don't have to.
Ego:
I learned that my ego was preventing me from setting boundaries too. Humans have to have an ego to survive but it can also go into overdrive - the company is not going to fall apart without you - the project will hit slowdowns - that's when your leadership skills apply and you bring things back in track - not in a day - instead you put a plan in place and have others execute.
Delegate:
Start delegating - yes that means train others to do some of your tasks - they may not do it exactly the way you would like - so what - focus on the end result.
You are overworked and sound like on the brink of shutdown. Let the project/company shutdown before your own health. If you are the CEO of this company - different story.
Hope this helps!
Expectations are really tough, especially since our expectations haven't changed even though the world has turned completely upside down.
One of the things I would suggest is to ask yourself, what are these expectations your putting on yourself and why? What are you trying to prove?
What is the benefit of believing you are lazy? Do you think it will push you to work more or work harder? The reason I'm asking is because somewhere you may have brought into your belief system to push yourself using negative language instead of positive affirmations.
The first key to change is the awareness that it's happening — CHECK — you've got that.
How can you challenge your thinking when it comes up and doesn't fit your conscious goals? Ask yourself, what benefit is there to have this belief about myself.
I love this response! Thank you for giving some the perspective I need to take a step back and reevaluate my own motives.