I am posting anonymously due to my shame about how I got to this point in my life. If inappropriate, please remove it. This week I am having my AARP birthday. My last two positions in the previous three years have been unmotivated and mentally draining. I come in excited and ready to work, then after a few months, I lose interest and give up when i asked for work and sit around doing nothing. In my prior position to this, the PM didn't like me and gave all the work to the other coordinator. I did speak to my agency and asked for a new role. The answer was they would look out and be patient. There were roles similar to mine, and yet I wasn't what the client was looking for when asked to be submitted. From that answer, I believed my credibility for my current assignment and agency had been blackballed. The newest where i asked for work to assist, but no avail yet speaking about behind my back. The last few days, I realized how much damage i did by giving up. I am ashamed and worried that at my age and the latest performance, I wouldn’t even consider hiring myself. It is like how can I reinvent myself with no contacts or references. I am reaching out; it is disappointing how much damage I did by losing touch with my network. Thank you and apologies also if incoherent in any aspect.