How to balance it all?
I am at a point where I am ready to take on a bigger job, definitely want more pay. I am a director now, would love to move to a bigger company, one that pays better, offers more growth. The problem is that means going into the city for 12-14 hours a day. I have been looking for 3 years and the jobs are all in the city, they just don't really exist in -the burbs.
I met with a career coach today who told me the honest truth, for the job I want, I need to commute in and that means giving up things like taking the kids to practice, having dinner with the family, being able to go shopping at night vs. on the weekend. I know this is true because it was my life early in motherhood and I took a pay cut to move to a lateral position in the burbs. It's been 10 years, I want to go back but I don't want to give up my desires either.
Ughhh....I am 50, I didn't think it would be this hard to balance it, I have been a mom for 16 years, have a supportive husband, have a good life, but my current job is boring as hell and not going anywhere.
My type of job pretty much requires you to be on site, I am remote now but mostly because I don't have as much responsibility as I would in a new role. Also because my company can't find it's way out of a paper bag and hasn't determined how to get us back to the office.
Completely understand as I want it all to. Then we have the reality on what you as a person can do in a day and what you can possibly achieve in a lifetime as you might have to change our expectations in order to make it all happen and be happy with it.
Glad your career coach was honest with you. What do you value? Ie your top 3 priorities. Is the timetable flexible? Ie when will your child be able to drive to/from practice? Can someone else do the shopping or can you get deliveries? Do you need to have dinner with the family every night or specific nights? Are there things in your current role you can pursue? What is boring about your job that you can stop doing or do less of? What excites you about your job that you can do more of? Maybe sandwich things you enjoy doing with things you don't enjoy doing to make it more bearable.
You're doing the job remote now. I know you said you need to be on-site but I would strongly encourage you to keep exploring the remote option - that could give you the best of both worlds.
If there's been any upside to covid, it's that more and more companies are willing to consider remote employees. Just in the last couple of weeks both Deloitte (300,000 plus employees) and LinkedIn (10k emps) told their employees they could work from where ever.
Continue your search and find yourself a 21st century company who cares about what you bring to the table, not where you're sitting when you do it.
GOOD LUCK!
Unfortunately for the roles I want, I need to be onsite, my current role is remote because the organization is in disarray and our labs are shut down. I have researched over 30 jobs within a 50 mile radius of my home and all require an on-site presence in the city at a hospital or scientific lab.
My husband and I discussed this at length this weekend and agreed I either have to take a step back for the next 6-8 years while the kids are at home or think about how much it would take in salary to hire someone to drive the kids places, make meals, etc because I will be unavailable for all of that.
Perfect balance is not always achievable but it is possible to find a happy place. It seems as though you've spent a lot of time thinking it over and seeking advice but you haven't mentioned whether you've actually started applying for any of the big jobs. I suggest that you start applying, interviewing and then weighing offers. The offer and job terms may not be as desirable after all OR you get to a point where you can negotiate some flexible scheduling so that you can attend some of the kid's activities, or be home for dinner or breakfast.
So, if you could design the job you want, what would it look like?
It sounds like you do enjoy being on site, you just don’t want to have to commute to get there. I’m not clear on whether the kind of job you want would be at one location or multiple, nor whether there are places in your community where the job exists, but just
not any current openings.
It also sounds like your kids are older, but not quite out of the nest yet. This would be a great time for you to start networking within your community to be first on the list for any future openings.
Could you do what you do as a consultant on a freelance basis? Perhaps that would give you more flexibility for a little less money. Could you pivot slightly by taking your knowledge to fulfill a need within your community? Could you enlist your kids’ help in creating this new venture? (BTW, these are all rhetorical questions.)
The good news is, it sounds like you at least have a job that pays the bills while you figure this out. As someone else said, keep networking, and also dream a little!
I'm curious, can you share your industry? That might give insight into your limitations. I can only think of a few sectors they are in-person only and only in cities?
Building Management and Operations, focused on critical care medical and life sciences.
Sounds like hospitals or biotech/pharma? They do exist in the burbs- but maybe not at the level you are seeking or less so in your city?
Looking at your overall skillset and transferring them to a new industry might be a possibility too. I can see how Building Management requires your physical presence.
Any colleges or universities near you? That's a possible fit... just doing a little brainstorming here :-).
The universities that have programs I support are in the city. There are several small community hospitals but none have level 1 trauma or the need for someone with my crisis management skills.
Network and let folks know what you're looking for and that it not be a commute. Maybe it will present itself.
So many companies are offering permanent remote roles. Have you considered looking at those? No commute, flexibility and I've seen plenty of well paying high level positions.
Unfortunately not in my industry.
Can you move the family into the city for a few years while you grow your career?
A big career change may mean your life changes. How can your kids pick up life skills and help out?
We could never afford that! Big city prices are 5x what we could afford. I think a 2 bedroom goes for 3-4k a month, that is twice my mortgage. We also love our community, it’s very family focused.
Sounds like you have some soul searching to do. Do you change your lifestyle to accommodate your professional goals? Or do you lean into more of the family life and ride out your career for a few more years.
You are ready for the next step! Throw yourself out there and negotiate some flexibility into your package. It's been ten years since you were on that track. Things may have changed. Maybe do some information interviews to verify the career coach's info. Or debunk it. What have you got to lose by exploring?