How to handle criticism?
Hi ladies. As with many, I am back to working after staying home for 12 years.
Just recently hired by a small family business.
While all is well, I have to work with a co-worker who dedicates her life to the job. Unfortunately she has been my trainer Since the beginning. Just recently I was trained on a new project that she was working on for the last year. As someone who has just started working on the project I have a few questions. When i have asked her through email she has ignored them. I took it as she being busy. Today she mentioned that she was sorry for not answering the questions but that she and our supervisors feel it was best that she ignored them and allow me to figure it out as a way to boost my confidence.
Now, I can appreciate half of what she said but feel very upset because as someone who just started and is learning the ropes, it puts me at a disadvantage.
Clearly I don’t want to make mistakes and if I ask the questions is simply because the answers are not on the manual.
Anyone have good advice on how to handle this?
Rachel Minnick
Innovative Nonprofit Professional/California
953
06/16/20 at 8:30PM UTC
"Today she mentioned that she was sorry for not answering the questions but that she and our supervisors feel it was best that she ignored them and allow me to figure it out as a way to boost my confidence. "
Wow. Well, she isn't sorry because she chose to ignore your emails. Even worse, she had the audacity to speak for the supervisors and share that it was an actual management strategy. Being left to your own devices to figure stuff out does not automatically equal your confidence being boosted.
I know I'm late to the party on this one, but it sounds like you found out pretty quickly that this colleague was engaging in some problematic nonsense!
Aurora Jacobins
123
05/20/20 at 2:12AM UTC
Thank you ladies!
I spoke to my supervisor and thankfully he is now asking for both to cc him when there is an exchange.
Our supervisor has also seen the discrepancies and is actually looking into fixing the vague questions that I was left with to work with as a template.
I have always been positive, turned a blind eye and tried my best to work through the negativity but there are times she behaves as if the tasks are hers and she is in command.
As for future assistance our supervisor has told me to come to him and ask away :)
I appreciate all your input! Thank you ??
KAREN PHILLIPSOut-of-the-box & efficient. Creative Marketing.
29
05/16/20 at 2:49PM UTC
This sounds horrible, she should have told you that that is what she wanted you to do rather than make you frustrated and squirm. I suppose the best way to handle is to sit down with her and define a protocol for how to handle situations where you need assistance going forward.
Donna LuporiCOO
218
05/15/20 at 1:04AM UTC
I would reflect on the content of the questions. Were they truly something you could have figured out on your own? Are you taking the easy way out and asking her questions versus doing the legwork to figure out the problem?
Once you’ve self-assessed and ruled out those types of issues you can address the unusual reaction to your emails. I find it extremely odd that if this person were your trainer that she would not help you. I find it very unprofessional of a colleague to simply ignore an email from someone asking for guidance and I would be concerned that she’s talking to your supervisors and they agreed she should ignore you. This is not typical workplace behavior in a professional environment. Maybe she’s unhappy you are imposing on her project? Maybe she’s being overly protective because she feels threatened. It’s hard to say. You can try talking to her and get her guidance. Be very appreciative and do try to work out your own problems the best you can. Of course, you can always ask for feedback from other peers or your managers. Asking what you can do better to improve, be more effective and efficient should help you overall. Best of luck!!
IrinaHelping you become a coach or a consultant
225
05/14/20 at 7:50PM UTC
You need to keep in min that nobody can make us feel anything unless we allow them to get to us. Also people take on negative behaviors not because they are balanced and happy but because they are not happy and feel insecure. Once that is clear for you it will relax the tension between the 2 of you and even if she doesn't know it, it will improve the relationship automatically (you lower the negative energy in it).
Also most of the time others will have different reactions they we would expect (as we base ourselves on our own story and they have their own). Telling yourself that this is all they can do and cannot force their limits will lower your expectations of them and allow you to feel better about the situation.
You cannot change others but you can make them inoffensive to you.
