Feeling so defeated in my job hunt
A year or so ago I saw the writing on the wall at my current job, revenues are down for the 5th straight year with no real plan to right the ship. I have been there 9 years, with declining revenues there is no room for promotion, everyone pretty much stays in the same role, the organization itself is flat.
Last year I hired a resume writer, worked with a career coach, did mock interview training, learned how to use LinkedIN effectively, attended networking events both live and virtual and let every trusted person I know in on the fact I am looking for something new.
I have given it my all and gotten interviews at 6 organizations for director level jobs or higher (I am a director now). I got through to the 2nd and 3rd round on a few of them but then nothing, like the recruiters and hiring managers ghost me. I don't even get a canned response back.
I feel super defeated because yesterday I had a third round interview that I prepared my heart out for, felt on my A game only to be decimated in the interview by 3 men who seemed to take pleasure in making me squirm. I understand it was a high level role and you have to be able to sit in the hot seat and negotiate contracts and such, but they sort of made fun of me. I left the meeting feeling like they should have never advanced me to this level, I know the hiring manager and recruiter liked me for my gender (they need more women) but the men interviewing me just ripped me apart based on my experience. If I didn't have the right experience shouldn't the previous levels have weeded that out? I actually think I have good experience for the role but it's not the traditional experience for that career.
Meanwhile, I don't know where to go to get my confidence back and move on. I still need to find a job, my company continues to face financial peril and I worry layoffs are coming.
I have never had so much trouble finding a job or been on so many interviews without an offer.
Clearly you dodged a bullet at that company. Imagine if you'd joined and then had to work with those guys all the time!
I've been job hunting for over a year now. I'm currently employed, but my company has made many missteps over the past few years and I don't think it's going to survive unless the CEO steps down and someone with more experience running a company of this size steps in. I joined two years ago, and always planned for this job to be a stepping stone to a FAANG (top tier tech company) position.
I've had several rounds of interviews, including "virtual on-site" interviews and system design interviews, but I've been passed over each time. It does get discouraging, but I try to remember that with each interview, I'm learning more about what it takes to succeed and get a job offer. I recently came quite close to getting an offer from Google for a TPM position, but ultimately they gave the job to an internal candidate.
* Things I've learned:
First of all, be sure you're leveraging your network. Referrals are one of the very best ways to ensure you'll be strongly considered for a position.
Secondly, I learned years ago is that it helps to actually write out a description of your dream job. Pretend you're creating a job description for an open role to post on LinkedIn. Writing it down helps focus your search to jobs you'd really love. Remember that at every interview, you are evaluating THEM as much as they are evaluating you. I turned down a job offer at Facebook recently because there were a few red flags raised during the process, and it didn't feel like the right fit.
I've also started meditating; I meditate for 10-15 minutes about half an hour before a scheduled interview. This helps me to focus and reduce anxiety, and I believe it's greatly improved my interview performance as well as my overall mental health.
Finally, remember that we are in the middle of a pandemic and there are historic levels of unemployment. There are hundreds of applicants for every position. Job hunting is, in the end, a numbers game. Eventually the right match will come along for you.
I remember having specifically gone through a similar process some years ago. It was an interview for an internal role and I was interviewed by 2 high level men (a CFO and a sales SVP) . I could feel that they were trying to "break me" - test if I can take the heat. There was a very negative tone to the entire interview. It was a very unpleasant experience and just like you I wondered why on earth did they allow the interview to continue on. Only to find out some months later that they already had a preferred candidate in mind and that they only interviewed me because I was an internal and it was a company requirement to interview all internal applicants.
This could easily be a similar case for you in this situation. They might have had a candidate in mind or they were simply making an attempt at gender diversification (as you mentioned they were looking for women). So it is very possible that they interviewed you to meet a quota or to have some semblance of a fair and balanced interview process. Of course, it still does not excuse their behavior.
So definitely do not let this experience define you or impact your view on your job prospects!
I know it is difficult when you feel anxious about the future to remain motivated after an experience such as this or when you're feeling like doors are being closed and opportunities are scarce.
You have placed a heavy burden on your shoulders to beat an unknown timeline on how long till "you are out of a job". An event that you truly cannot control. It is very important to recognize that.
And I know how exhausting and potentially defeating this can be. However, approaching your job search and interviews feeling defeated can further hamper your prospects.
So shifting your perspective is key.
You do still have a job and that gives you an advantage in your job search! Once you have that recognition, allow yourself the time to breathe and shift how you relate to your job search
(your emotions and thoughts).
Rather than seeing it as this necessary evil/burden that you need to do or else. You can look at it as opportunity to elevate, to change from a dying company to a more fun and stable role (heck even one with more money ). Take this opportunity to truly figure out what you want to do - what you're excited about and then apply purposefully and selectively to roles and organizations that can support your growth and aspirations.
A change in our outlook, however difficult it may seem right now, will truly make a difference.
Hope this helps and good luck in your job search. You got this!
How old were the recruiters? As much as I hate to say it, most recruiters are women in the 20s and 30s with ageist attitudes.
My heart breaks for you in that situation. Those bullying tactics are absolutely unacceptable and THANK GOODNESS you didn't get that job because — what a huge flag about the organization and the leadership mindset and what's tolerated.
It sounds like you did all the necessary steps to set yourself up for success and now you need a confidence boost.
We as humans only remember our last great experience which makes rebuilding confidence when we've been knocked down quite difficult.
Remember, confidence comes from taking action. Taking action comes from having confidence. One way to start building confidence is to get out and do some small things that make you uncomfortable. These will help you build confidence as you acknowledge how much more you can do versus what your uncomfortable subconscious brain believes you can do.
Next, start writing down everything you've done well. Think back to those interviews (you're doing amazingly to get far along), be specific, where did the interviewer lean into my comments or statements? What projects did I work on (big and small) where I smashed it out of the park. Keep a running journal of all you're doing well and it will start to create new neural pathways in your brain and help you build your confidence muscle.
Last tool, visualization technique. Before going into any meeting, visualize yourself at your most confident, put yourself in this place. Your brain cannot decipher a current experience with a greatly imagined one. This will propel your confidence heading into the meeting and make you more unflappable.
Confidence rebuilding is a process so start with these steps and stand tall to adjust your invisible crown.
If you want more support, connect with me, we have a Facebook Community, an upcoming Mastermind and our FGB webinar happening on September 22! We help Gen X women specifically.
I am so sorry for your frustrated job hunt. It took me over a year to find a new position once my wine bar failed. It was a really low point in my career. I ended up having to move where the jobs I wanted were (I moved from FL to CA.) But I wanted to offer this view point on your interview, if the interviewers were rude and/or too intense you probably didn't want that job anyway! If that's the environment they create in the interview process, believe them and move on!
I am sorry that you have to go through this. It's a horrible position to be in.
Shame on those men who seemed to delight in your discomfort. You are more controlled than I am because I might have listed the company in the post. You might want to add comments to that company's Glassdoor site. That site has a place for interviewee's to add comments about how that company handles interviews.
Tell us about what you do and what kind of job you are looking for, maybe someone on this site can help.