Feeling like a complete failure.
I did everything think I was "supposed" to do. Went to college and grad school, majored in marketing, and I now am 42 an unemployed ( again) right now. I've had a series of set backs in my career from losing jobs due to a recession or layoff during corporate restructuring so I've never really had a solid "career". Just all bad luck. I keep landing interviews for my dream jobs over the years but nothing ever landed. I'm in the same boat again waiting to hear if I received a job from a major company and sadly it's already been a week and 1 day since the interview. I really wanted it too. I felt so confident in the interview. I seriously feel like such a loser. Not sure how to get over this hump. I really want to work and be successful but getting a job now just feels like the Hunger Games. Thanks for listening.
Star7
spouse of retired military
160
04/26/22 at 2:32AM UTC (Edited)
Hello,
I have endured the same things as yourself. As a spouse of military member ("we" did 20 years), it devastated my career. Your story, is one I can truly identify with! Please don't feel so down, I think that you are getting interviews, and have the perserverance says a lot.
I also got caught after the military in the down economy that actually started in 2007 (I felt it, saw it starting). I put myself through college, and just graduated with honors the end of 2019. What a journey i've been on, too.
One tip I learned in the many resume courses, etc. was the Yellow Pages are potential jobs. I never thought of thaty way. OR; if you are really ambitious, create your own job. Do you think you should relocate?
Some days I think more and more of being in my own business, but the current state of the economy and the markets is stopping me.
Not sure if I have been much help, but I hope you get your spirits lifted up on this forum.
Chin up
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53
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Anonymous
11/21/21 at 6:54PM UTC
Sigh. Yes, it does feel like that. I understand.
Anonymous
11/04/21 at 2:07AM UTC
You and I are the same age, in the same boat. For different reasons, likely, but the past is the past and doesn't define our future, right?
It is a daily struggle to fit into this working world as a female, at our age range, no matter what our history is. I did "everything right" too! Twice.
Went to college & graduated w/honors Pre-Med right out of high school, then went to another state to tour colleges for their neurosurgery programs. Ended up marrying my now ex-husband, whom did not allow me to work or finish school. I was unknowingly in a domestically abusive marriage (minus the physical abuse) until January 10th at 10:43pm, at which time he came home to tell me he was leaving for good that same night. While our toddler son was asleep in his bed.
Long story short, I went back to school for my new degree(s) to ensure that I could support myself and our son once our trial (yes, it took 5 years and 12 days of TRIAL to get a divorce stamp) was over and I would be left on my own financially.
Got a job right out of graduation, good salary, felt like I was actually helping this company grow (they literally had no skill-sets for what they were taking on, until I arrived). A year and a half later, I found myself having to make a decision: allow the sexual abuse and harassment by my boss continue and keep my job, or use the one opportunity that presented itself to get out of the situation legally and find another job.
I was fired immediately after a co-worker who witnessed an incident and I confronted my boss (October of 2018) in an attempt to stop this continued behavior but still keep my job (as if that was a reality).
I am still just another number in the court system, waiting for my turn to come around, and I have no doubts about my case - but it takes a very long time before you get to any real movement that gives you hope.
In the meantime, I have been offered over 76 positions after attending over 200 interviews initial interviews, dozens of second interviews, etc. Great, right? Not really. I am considered a "Corporate Liability" in the eyes of the Human Resources Departments, and ALL of the jobs I've been offered have come back to me with the same language stated above.
Why am I telling you this?
Because amidst the ruins of the battle, an entirely different GirlBoss is writing to you tonight. I stopped looking for my "dream job", and I simply became what I wanted to be. It was not necessarily by choice, rather, more of a force of nature combined with already having made a name for myself in my industry and needing to think my way out of the box.
I created my own position, without meaning to. Being self-employed and contracting myself and the team I have built is certainly the equivalent of two full time jobs, but the flip-side is that I am choosing my own future, I am teaching my son so many valuable lessons as he sees me struggle through all of this on my own, and I am writing my future until I DO find the right opportunity somewhere.
My advice to you is to gain confidence in yourself, write down all of the things you know and have learned over time, and create your own job. It's not easy and it takes time, but you CAN choose what kinds of marketing services you want to offer, and take the crappy other stuff off of your list of daily work duties. You can Freelance yourself and just do contract work on a limited scale.
You have a good twenty years of knowledge, experience, capabilities, and ways to change your industry for the better!!! This is YOUR TIME. History has shown us women (no matter your cultural background) that we must create our own communities and depend upon each other to take over our own lives, and determine our own wealth.
Do the math - for each category of services that you can offer, how much can you charge? Justify it by a quick list of reasons bullet pointed underneath. Time is $$. Experience is $$. Educational background is $$. Don't be afraid to charge what YOU ARE WORTH.
Referrals are my main source of new clients, and I no longer have to let my boss physically assault me on a daily basis. That fact alone is more than enough justification for me to continue being my own boss.
While I am still lost, I can write down what I have accomplished every week, knowing that I am increasingly engaging the right audience to continue doing more of what I love, and less of the rest.
I hope this finds you feeling a little bit stronger - it is not YOU. It is our social system. MAKE IT WORK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.
You already have what it takes to do your job. Nobody will hand you your dream, you will have to fight for it. But choose your own battles, and fake self-confidence until it becomes a reality - which it will.
If you just want a pen-pal to write to in a similar situation, I am sure you can message me privately somehow? I'm trying to get on here more, but am in the process of moving....
Please know that we all have our own crap going on in the background - the trick is, don't let it take over your mind. Throw yourself into doing the part of your job that you love. You'd be surprised how many clients are looking for an A' La Carte option for services for their own companies. I would hire you if I didn't have to invest a lot of cash into a whole package deal. So if you do start something, keep me in mind and reach out with the services you will be offering.
Get some air every day, listen to music, and find inspiration!
Anonymous
09/22/21 at 10:23AM UTC
You are not a failure. Don't give up. If you did what you thought you were 'supposed' to do, is there then something else you would rather do? Perhaps there is a way you can pursue that? I had a decent first career, but then earned a grad degree at your age and tried to pursue a whole second career. Here I am now at 55, and finally have begun what I feel is my dream job. In the interim, I took what work I could find, and tried to do my best and keep adapting and learning. Here is my advice: Don't blame yourself! In fact, don't blame your age, location, the world, the pandemic... etc. I don't believe in 'meant to be', but I do believe in the power of will. Just keep going. Find what brings you inner strength and work that. Rethink how you might get to where you want to be. Get help if you need. You can do this.
Anonymous
09/22/21 at 8:03PM UTC
Thank you so much for the advice.
Jackie RukaProfessionalHappyologist Thrive in your purpose.
2.4k
09/22/21 at 3:42AM UTC
You did not get this far, to fail.
The fact that you are getting interviews is a great sign that you have the experience companies are looking for. So, please give your self credit and recognize that it's a numbers game, unfortunately. However, you are so close. So don't give up before your miracle.
My suggestion , and I work with woman on a daily basis is to take your power back , the job market does not define your worth, only you do.
Change your mindset and your thoughts toward inspirational and positive thinking. Go on YouTube and soak up positivity in between sending resumes and prior to interviews, get INSPIRED! It changes your energy.
On that note, replace any limitations that you think with the opposite.
Lastly, and this may sound a little woo-woo however it works: And that is to order up EXACTLY what you want, as if a menu was offered to you to pick what you want in your next position: the company culture, what you do daily, who you work with, the energy you feel when you you get up and get to do what you love, how you are challenged, the kind of pace that takes place, the hours you work, the benefits and perks, the salary you receive. THEN on a piece of paper write I AM HAPPY AND GRATEFUL TO RECEIVE A POSITION AS________ with a salary and benefits of ____________ by ________date. Then keep that piece of paper in your wallet or near your bed , read it often, believe it as it will encourage you to believe in yourself, MORE!
If you need a boost, contact me.
In your corner!Jackie
Anonymous
09/22/21 at 8:01PM UTC
Thank you Jackie! I will do this. This is what they used to say when you wanted a nice guy back in the day. Lol. Never thought to apply it to a career.
Anonymous
09/22/21 at 1:05AM UTC
I'm sorry that you feel that way. Failure isn't something on anyone's bucket list but sometimes the thing that didn't work out can open the door to the opportunity that does one day or a new passion even. Try not to be hard on yourself. Celebrate the positives as often as you can. Change the mental narrative that you are telling yourself. Speak more of what you want and pray for guidance and peace on what really is for you. I'm early 40's myself and I moved states and things have not been great here at all career wise. If I allow myself to continually focus on all of the loss and negatives I will lose sight of what really keeps me going. I'm not saying that I don't have tough days because I do and I'm not sure when things will get back to the way they were before moving here but I have to keep going...and you too. I hope that your dream assignment comes to fruition soon and that it's one that you can work as long as you please and brings you great fulfillment.
Anonymous
09/22/21 at 8:01PM UTC
Thanks lady!
