You and I are the same age, in the same boat. For different reasons, likely, but the past is the past and doesn't define our future, right?
It is a daily struggle to fit into this working world as a female, at our age range, no matter what our history is. I did "everything right" too! Twice.
Went to college & graduated w/honors Pre-Med right out of high school, then went to another state to tour colleges for their neurosurgery programs. Ended up marrying my now ex-husband, whom did not allow me to work or finish school. I was unknowingly in a domestically abusive marriage (minus the physical abuse) until January 10th at 10:43pm, at which time he came home to tell me he was leaving for good that same night. While our toddler son was asleep in his bed.
Long story short, I went back to school for my new degree(s) to ensure that I could support myself and our son once our trial (yes, it took 5 years and 12 days of TRIAL to get a divorce stamp) was over and I would be left on my own financially.
Got a job right out of graduation, good salary, felt like I was actually helping this company grow (they literally had no skill-sets for what they were taking on, until I arrived). A year and a half later, I found myself having to make a decision: allow the sexual abuse and harassment by my boss continue and keep my job, or use the one opportunity that presented itself to get out of the situation legally and find another job.
I was fired immediately after a co-worker who witnessed an incident and I confronted my boss (October of 2018) in an attempt to stop this continued behavior but still keep my job (as if that was a reality).
I am still just another number in the court system, waiting for my turn to come around, and I have no doubts about my case - but it takes a very long time before you get to any real movement that gives you hope.
In the meantime, I have been offered over 76 positions after attending over 200 interviews initial interviews, dozens of second interviews, etc. Great, right? Not really. I am considered a "Corporate Liability" in the eyes of the Human Resources Departments, and ALL of the jobs I've been offered have come back to me with the same language stated above.
Why am I telling you this?
Because amidst the ruins of the battle, an entirely different GirlBoss is writing to you tonight. I stopped looking for my "dream job", and I simply became what I wanted to be. It was not necessarily by choice, rather, more of a force of nature combined with already having made a name for myself in my industry and needing to think my way out of the box.
I created my own position, without meaning to. Being self-employed and contracting myself and the team I have built is certainly the equivalent of two full time jobs, but the flip-side is that I am choosing my own future, I am teaching my son so many valuable lessons as he sees me struggle through all of this on my own, and I am writing my future until I DO find the right opportunity somewhere.
My advice to you is to gain confidence in yourself, write down all of the things you know and have learned over time, and create your own job. It's not easy and it takes time, but you CAN choose what kinds of marketing services you want to offer, and take the crappy other stuff off of your list of daily work duties. You can Freelance yourself and just do contract work on a limited scale.
You have a good twenty years of knowledge, experience, capabilities, and ways to change your industry for the better!!! This is YOUR TIME. History has shown us women (no matter your cultural background) that we must create our own communities and depend upon each other to take over our own lives, and determine our own wealth.
Do the math - for each category of services that you can offer, how much can you charge? Justify it by a quick list of reasons bullet pointed underneath. Time is $$. Experience is $$. Educational background is $$. Don't be afraid to charge what YOU ARE WORTH.
Referrals are my main source of new clients, and I no longer have to let my boss physically assault me on a daily basis. That fact alone is more than enough justification for me to continue being my own boss.
While I am still lost, I can write down what I have accomplished every week, knowing that I am increasingly engaging the right audience to continue doing more of what I love, and less of the rest.
I hope this finds you feeling a little bit stronger - it is not YOU. It is our social system. MAKE IT WORK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.
You already have what it takes to do your job. Nobody will hand you your dream, you will have to fight for it. But choose your own battles, and fake self-confidence until it becomes a reality - which it will.
If you just want a pen-pal to write to in a similar situation, I am sure you can message me privately somehow? I'm trying to get on here more, but am in the process of moving....
Please know that we all have our own crap going on in the background - the trick is, don't let it take over your mind. Throw yourself into doing the part of your job that you love. You'd be surprised how many clients are looking for an A' La Carte option for services for their own companies. I would hire you if I didn't have to invest a lot of cash into a whole package deal. So if you do start something, keep me in mind and reach out with the services you will be offering.
Get some air every day, listen to music, and find inspiration!
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