The Bitterness is Real
I'm fairly new to this site, and I in filling out the bio info, I was so tempted to write for my dream job, "something to put food on the table reliably for the next five years." and for my skills, "the ability to get along with people" "the ability to convince employers to hire me,(hopefully)"
I mean, seriously, I'm in my early 50's. I studied biology in college because my parents "encouraged" me to, i. e. insisted on it. I only worked in my field one year and didn't like it. I have worked through three recessions, and have always worked beneath my abilities. My first job out after research was as a receptionist, and after five years I still couldn't move up to office manager. I heard the same story over and over in my career, that I had so much experience as a --receptionist, data entry, day care worker, retailer worker, bank teller -- that no one would ever consider me for any kind of management position.
I have tried on my own to take workshops in leadership, to read books by people like Maxwell, Rohn, Ziglar, etc. At work, I strive to mentor people, etc.
And yet, here I am, at 53 almost 54, unemployed since Mid-March. I have had several interviews, several second interviews, but it's going nowhere.
And inevitably I get asked, "What is your ideal work environment?" and I have to basically schmooze and say, "Oh how I've always DREAMED of working at a place like your workplace!"
But in my head I'm thinking of the dreams I had when I was 20. Of learning French or Chinese, and working for an international firm, perhaps living abroad. How I dreamed of perhaps being a writer, or working for some sort of journal or magazine. I wanted a job where I could be creative and see beautiful things and meet interesting people.
Now, my goal is to make more than $14 an hour and get health insurance. 401k? Ha! As if I could afford to contribute to it! That is just so laughable!
There's not really a question here. I'm really just venting my frustration and bitterness.
Anonymous
08/05/20 at 5:28PM UTC
Bought some bristol board. Deep breath. The last time I had a job I *actually*liked was a retail job at a craft store. That sort of says something,doesn't it?
Anita
Entrepreneur in the Making
212
08/16/20 at 11:19PM UTC
Haha! That does say something and that’s amazing! IT’s so wonderful you were able to recognize that and tthat will be a job you will write on your Bristol board, :) and you will write the reasons why and what made it so wonderful for you or who there was inspiring to you. I think working at a crafts store would be wonderful! Some craft stores have in house teachers that they pay for ideas so that may be a job for someone. I’m so excited for you to start!! It make take more than a day, I took a whole weekend and then during the week at night, I’d stare at it and other things would pop into my head. Take your time, get into it, just don’t let it go for too long or it could seem out of reach. This is who you are essentially and who you should aim to be with finding a job that aligns with those things. :) All the best, please let me know how it turns out!! If I could attach a picture of mine, I would. I kept it. It’s behind a mirror in my spare room and now when I look at it, it barely makes sense to me. Lol but every moment i do look at it, I’m like wow! Look at everything I’ve done and all the wonderful people along my journey and the obstacles I’ve overcome and what I am capable of and it’s that board that makes me speak out in not working for anything less or for anyone who makes me feel less than my capacities. :) Happy discovering!!
AnitaEntrepreneur in the Making
212
08/02/20 at 6:11PM UTC (Edited)
Hi! Well for starters you can make more than $14.00/ hour! Be hopeful!!! You do have extensive administrative skills like me and it’s funny I found myself in the same rut. But I made a drastic change. I will tell you if you are interested to consider teaching English as a Second Language. If you go overseas, you can paid anywhere from 30-50 euros an hour. Or you can decide to start doing it here with international students. Overseas, There are companies that can help with visas or you can simply try to go over and apply for some. Even consider camps for children although with COVID I am sure those are not possible. But eventually you can open up your own business ding that. In this case you can travel to the country of your choice, teach ESL, learn the language and write (J.K Rowling was an ESL teacher by the way). There are also sites that ask for English writers to write stories to help ESL learners. :). Also you can be creative while doing it because you will have to be. Language acquisition requires creativity in teaching. I didn’t ever wanted to teach ESL but when I finally did because I was abroad and had no other choices, I found I met so many inspiring people. I took a course offered on Groupon and it was amazing!! I did it though Smart Majority’s Global Leadership College but there are so many now. There is Udemy, there is skillshare there is Domestika. The latter two are courses for creatives.
To continue, I did corporate ESL in Italy. I also at one point worked for myself because children of clients or friends of clients needed lessons and so I was referred. I was teaching engineers, CEO’s, directors of company’s like Magazine companies, pharmaceutical, cosmetic and so many. I learned so much and grew to start loving the world of business PLUS it is a job you can do at any age!!! This is my first suggestion so perhaps research it to see if you like it. I also wrote the response below someone who was having similar issues. I will have to write a post on it and I’m still organizing that post but Here is what I had written. Maybe we will have to start an over 50 club :) lol. I will be 50 soon. WE are young!!!!
The next suggestion is:
1) Get a large piece of Bristol board, or even a cardboard box, open it up and make a chart with headings all of the jobs you ever had and what you did there, including ones when you were younger. ( I went as far back as 24)
2) Under those headings, write what you loved about those jobs. Including the ones when you were younger because often we are drawn to some jobs and not others for many reasons.
3)Continue adding to the list as you feel fit or as words come to you.
4) When finished, Go through and circle common denominators with a huge red marker.
5) On the back of the same board write your milestones and All the Names of people who inspired you, in any way, in a list. As far back as you previously did. Then in the center, write each persons name in one colour and write how you felt when you achieved those milestones and how those people made you feel about yourself, in another colour. Include event the negative feelings.
6) Look at the positive ones and try to remember why you felt that way. You are going to notice many of the things you did, gave you the same feeling and same courage and same happiness. Pay attention to those feelings. You are going to fall in love with yourself all over again!
You are basically going to road map/chart map your life, by going back to your core DNA . What makes you you. :) And you will avoid finding jobs that bring out those less positive feelings in you.
7)Then make a list of things you Do or love /would like to do. OR try to find positions you’d like to have or ones that appeal to you. (don’t think about if you are qualified or not ). You will then try to align your red circles with some ideas of what you wish to do. Many skills are transferable and those red circles are things many people can’t take away from you. You OWN Those milestones and achievements and praise:)
8) Really try to match these jobs to the common denominators from all of your previous jobs.
What you are doing essentially is narrowing down who you really are at your core, and what you enjoy doing and the careers that possess those. For example Mine looked like Creative Arts because in my circles, the times I was most happiest and purposeful and brave and exhilarated was when I was in a creative (Theater and/ or museum) and Culture and social environments. Then I searched for jobs in creative arts- Under creative Arts I found Theater &Cultural Arts Manager/ Executive Director/ Exhibition Design And so on. Then I researched each of those to understand them. It is here where I discovered Cultural arts programs and museum studies. ( I had continued to make subheadings until I found SOMETHING that aligned with all those circles made in my milestones.
It seems strange but there is a reason we Are drawn or that we choose to do certain jobs. And if we can align those reasons with the work out there, I believe we have a good chance of finding a career that will work with us and fit with who we are instead of us trying to fit into what they are.
9) Then make a list of the schools online or part time or whatever you wish, where you could possible take a course or two in the area you’d like to specialize in if you don’t already have skills although I think learning is always good. It makes us feel good about ourselves. From here, you can narrow it down. Or start applying for jobs that contain those elements of you.
I am almost 50. I just found a job as an Event Manager In our Convention Centre where I am working with performing arts, trade shows and international exhibits and I am studying Cultural Arts Management online, one course at a time. :) It will take me 3 years to do this one year program. :) But If it wasn't’ for the first course of the program I took, I don’t know if I would have been hired. It gave me fuel.
I started mapping out my “career DNA” and I realized that although the jobs changed and although there are things that I wanted to do, as in my dreams, I am Actually still doing them only the environment in which I wanted to do them has changed. Instead of a theater, I am in a convention center but I am still giving people experiences.
I had a hard lesson to learn when feeling so continuously down about myself, About my age and career options and being “a secretary” at such a low wage when I saw I was doing what others were doing but they were making so much more money. So I started asking, well WHAT is it I actually want out of a career? Why did I choose to be a bartender through school and not work retail? It wasn’t just the tips, there was more there underneath it all. Why did I choose music bars and not fine dining? Why did I like working outdoors instead of in an office? What did I love about my last job which was titled as secretary for pay scale yet I was a coordinator? What didn’t I like. When I really started analyzing the depth of those questions, I started finding similarities as in social environments, - I love crazy social environments that include artists and eclectic people who look at the world differently. And what kind of environments could give me those. What did I do in my spare time? When I was down? I went to art galleries and museums- why? What did I love about those places? What was the feeling they evoked? Is that the same feeling I want a career to evoke? YES. I volunteered at a museum in order to take courses in museum studies for free (you can do that with the Museums Association) but then I went further and thought what do I love about museums. The exhibits, the lay out of them, the curation. I noticed I had to be in a creative environment and creativity can mean advertising, or anything but I had to be around environments that spoke to me. I realized more importantly that what I loved about all these places and my studies in theater was that they were places that evoked feeling, told stories. This was my AHA moment because I actually went into theater and writing to allow people to feel. I am a story teller. A storyteller gives experiences, evokes feelings. When I realized this, my thinking shifted. It wasn’t like I don’t know what to do anymore but what can I do to ensure I am in any way shape or form, telling stories and giving people experiences. Events, Exhibits, Shows, Theaters, Museums. And so my research started with the Bristol board and ended with this great realization of what and who I was. I needed to be in places where people’s inspiration comes from all sorts of things, diversity. I loved people, I loved being exposed to culture, it fills me up. I loved the flow of energy in many of the places I worked, the physical movement as opposed to being stagnant and sitting still, inspiring people to come watch shows, setting up tables, making things look nice or acting as a connector -introducing like minded people with eachother. In my last job I loved finding amazing people that could help young students. There are so many unbelievably inspirational people in the world. I loved designing the overall feel of the event I was about to put on. I loved the research, I loved making people feel good and giving them experiences. :) It was all empowering and once I did that, I actually felt really good with who I was and I started owning my artistic side as opposed to always defending it. I started saying YES, it’s okay I was a bartender while others were working in an office. We can be so hard on ourselves without realizing that there is a reason we DO choose certain jobs. Whether it be to work at a McDonalds when you are younger or a golf course. Something deep down appeals to us. Some may say it’s just money but I don’t believe it because you can make money as a teen or student doing any job. So my quest was to discover what it was that always appealed to me and it gave me great insight as to who I was. Now I will never settle for another career where I am not at least at 95% capacity of those things that are my core DNA. :) because of course every job has things that we don’t like about it. I personally am not a big fan of data entry because of my secretarial work BUT I’ve learned to like the meditative non -thinking aspect of it. It’s still painful for me though. LOL. The thing I noticed that unless YOU DO market yourself like you want to be seen, you won’t find other roles so yes, take time to redo your resume, then put yourself up on linkedin for the JOB you are eventually hoping to get and then work backwards at trying to fill those gaps. It took me months to create my ideal resume that did not scream secretary and I researched a lot. I then wrote my resume as if I already had the job I wanted and I started feeling better about myself. In interviews I would say coordinator not secretary or find other words that defined my job more, I did also say secretary but I ne’er started with that. I wanted them to know that I could handle administrative but so much more. Those skills will come in useful but time to literally reprogram the DNA. :)
I hope this helps. Any questions, just ask. Sorry it’s long. :) I know it’s not supposed to be. I have come to realize I simply cannot condense help into 6 lines. Something I need to work at! So hard to help genuinely in a few lines. :)
Jeanne Ruff
30
08/16/20 at 2:08PM UTC
I really enjoyed your ideas and suggestions. I grew up the same way, your a girl so you have to be a housewife or a secretary. I love creating, drawing, painting, teaching and inspiring children . I was told Your not smart enough to go to college and you can’t make any money playing with paints and crayons. I worked many odd jobs to help support my family. I’ve tried for so many years to fit my round creative peg into a square. Always being told stop being so creative and just get the job done. I’m gonna start mapping out my ideal skills
Thank for the advice!
AnitaEntrepreneur in the Making
212
08/16/20 at 11:15PM UTC
I’m so happy I could help! What an exciting adventure you will embark on rediscovering yourself. I think if there was ever a time to be an artist, it’s now. :) The best art and creative ideas came our of recessions and poverty and political movements so all the power to you!!!
Dawn ReichelIf can be sold I can find a way.
17
08/01/20 at 8:29PM UTC
Oh my goodness girl, you are telling the story of my life. When you find the answer, please share. I am turning 50 this year and I am constantly having to start over with entry level jobs. I have so much experience from the past and yet people only look at my last positions.
Good luck.
Anonymous
08/01/20 at 1:23PM UTC
On a different note, you saying your parents insisted you study biology in school, reminded me of a time .y mother said I should have gone to school for computer technology. I've had friends tell their children they would only pay for college if they majored in nursing, technology; or a field that would seemingly lead to a big salary. Everyone isn't meant for those fields. For me, I knew early on I didn't have an aptitude for the sciences or math. Iam in a very similar situation. I've been an admin for many years with some experiences in between (case worker, magistrate); and most employers don't know how those skills translate. I got fired in 2018, got unemployment, but I still had to pull down my retirement to live through 2019 and early 2020. I've had to start life over, and currently at a long term temp position, hoping it converts to permanent. I've always wanted to move to management also. Quite honestly, I've had managers with the people skills of a tick and I wonder what am I doing wrong. You should be frustrated, but as someone once asked me " What are you going to do with that frustration?" With all that said, go learn that foreign language. Check out some free writing classes on-line. If you're doing a 9-5 gig, at least look in a field you're passionate about.
JenCEO
120
08/01/20 at 12:56PM UTC
I think this is why your not landing the jobs. The universe is showing you that you are more and blocking you from getting those jobs because it knows that you will not be truly happy there. Start applying to the jobs your passionate about and in the meantime start investing in one of those new skills you want to learn. When you invest and show up for yourself you can manifest anything into existence.
Anonymous
08/01/20 at 12:34AM UTC
Thank you for your response. It means a lot and I will give it some thought.
Rachel MinnickInnovative Nonprofit Professional/California
953
07/31/20 at 2:46PM UTC
Shoot. You have worked hard and yet you have not been truly “seen.” It sucks when people tell us who we are now because of who we have been. My question to you is can you do the things you dreamed of at 20? The beauty of the Internet is that you can be a writer with a platform (just find a blogging site and go). So write. Even if just for yourself. Let all this bitterness pour out because I GUARANTEE you are not alone in what you are going through.
Can you use your diverse skillset in another country? Times are weird, but get researching! You never know where in the world you might be of use!
Don’t give up. You are obviously
smart and self-aware which is excellent raw material.
