25
Hi guys! I'm in the weirdest employment situation of my life.
After I attempted to end my life I ended up with a misdemeanor for it. I was considered mid-level prior to the nervous breakdown (caused by DV and worsened by being laid off with about 200 others) and held the title of "cybersecurity analyst". I was already moving towards Cyber Threat Intelligence prior to that.. interesting experience. I have now been unemployed since November 28th. I expect to get my CTIA certification by December. I am not too proud to go back to working in a SOC; I worked my way up in this field with certifications and experience. I am unsure how to navigate applying for jobs or even what I should be applying for. I have had my resume looked over but to be honest, I'm scared. I need a real adult (yes I'm 27, yes I still need an adult). I chose to not post anonymously as I will have to face the music of my own stupid decisions at some point. But I could use some tips or even just kind words of encouragement. Thank you and I'm sorry.
Iren May
16
11/21/24 at 10:05AM UTC
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Anonymous
08/21/24 at 6:47PM UTC
There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON you should apologize for this post, for feeling as if you need an adult (we all need people; that's how humans are wired), for making decisions that you regret (we all do that). Please don't be so harsh on yourself.
Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of compassion for those who suffer from DV and it's very misunderstood. When I worked for the public defender and women came in with a charge related to DV, very few understood that the charge was part of the abuse and harm.
My thought is that if you are connected with agencies that support those who have gone through DV, or a lawyer for your case, ask them if they can connect you to an employment attorney for some advice. I'd also talk to the lawyer in your criminal case about appeals and expungement.
I've found from personal experience, taking some action, even if you end up with a dead end, helps me feel a little better and more empowered. Please be kind to yourself.
Anonymous
08/21/24 at 2:22PM UTC
Did you get convicted? difference between being arrested for a crime and being convicted. If convicted consider doing a job that does not require a beck ground check.
Elizabeth Stiles WestEnglish teacher, debate coach, and exam proctor
11.16k
08/21/24 at 9:56AM UTC
You have incredible courage and please be reassured that the world is better with you in it. Please talk to your lawyer about getting your record expunged, while also realizing that a misdemeanor is far less serious than a felony. If I were interviewing you and saw your courage and honesty, I would likely hire you on the spot, because if you can come back from that kind of overwhelm, you can surely handle any problem at work. I think you should keep applying to jobs you're qualified for. I know that you are in a totally different industry, but why not also send an email or call someone at Dave's Bread? That is a company founded by a reformed felon who intentionally hires others like him. They might have some tips to help you navigate the job search with this charge.
Anonymous
08/21/24 at 12:49PM UTC
Dave’s Killer Bread is owned by Flowers Foods. Excellent company to work for. I don’t know if they are hiring in your field, but check out their careers page on flowersfoods.com. Good luck!
Anonymous
08/20/24 at 9:24PM UTC (Edited)
Don't apologize. Life is hard and your own personal struggles are uniquely individual to you. You putting this together and with complete openness takes lots of courage. You made a mistake, one I'm sure you would take back in a heartbeat! This makes you human and some humans are just not prepared for the disappointments in life or know how to overcome them.
Let me share my own story for encouragement's sake.
I went through a very deeply troubling, traumatic personal and professional situation (business owner and married to my business partner). My business partner/husband made a foolish choice. I was caught up in their web and paid dearly. How bad? National news picked up our story, news vans in front of our home, our business, my in-laws home and a big spotlight on our eldest child among their school mates and anyone who knew us personally. This all happened at the worst stages of child rearing too (3m old, 2yr old and 12yr old). While he was safely locked up, I was left to manage the business alone, support our broken family, try to supersede the negative impact this all had on our finances, navigate child care and never mind the personal agony of watching someone you thought you knew after 13yrs of marriage devolve into a monster in front of your eyes. The self doubt, depression and moments of disillusionment were crippling.
Later, due to bad investigation and a technicality, I would be charged with felony tampering in one of the cases to which I had to plead no contest. I was part of a business association and was unceremoniously drummed out simply for being associated with my partner; even though I immediately drew up divorce papers and tried to distance myself and the business from this man. I discovered a community blog that literally implied I had previous knowledge of my partner's crimes and although publicly exonerated from any involvement, it hurt me to no end that I could even be depicted as an accomplice by the people we did business with and the stupid trolls that find out all about you. I endured cyber bullying, harassing phone calls and cruel looks in my own community, one that I had put so much love and support into making better. The business folded, I took out a second mortgage, sold all our belongings, became homeless and had to put my children into our immediate family's care so they could be somewhat shielded from what was actually happening. Trying to keep some semblance of normalcy for them at the very least.
A few months after all of this, I was forced to seek employment elsewhere and was stressed because I had to disclose the felony on any job applications I submitted. I considered myself lucky when a company took a chance on me and offered me a role. I clawed, screamed, cried and prayed my way out of all the blackness that surrounded me. Slowly and it wasn't easy. Even with a new job, I still had to appear at court for trial and trying to explain without explaining to the job the circumstances behind the court orders, was exhausting. But I can share that despite all of what happened, life did and does go on.
You, and yours can only understand the hell you are battling, and it's taking things one day at a time, one painful smack down after another and defiantly getting back up and looking the devil in the eye and saying...well, you know.
Fear is only in your mind.
Fear is only in your mind.
Fear is only in your mind. Say it over and over.
What you feel is shame that is born out of fear. Don't let shame win over what you've worked so hard to accomplish, if that's what you really want. Keep applying for those jobs, don't think twice! You're already taking strides by advancing your skillset, don't look back!! A background check will NOT hold you back as long as you didn't steal, lie or did something intrinsic to your field. I'm living proof.
Don't disclose what happened to anyone that you interview with. Some jobs have strict policies on hiring people with a background with zero context. SO WHAT??! There's hundred's if not thousand's more jobs to apply to. One will come and if not, be open to a job pivot. You have a lot going for you!!
Take time to heal. In my case it took several years to right myself professionally and almost 10 years to personally learn to love myself, be open to love again and to take down brick by brick the wall I had built around me and my kids. All in that order.
Time is a healer, but not so much at first. Time will fade the ugliness of the past.
Experience is a teacher. Learn to love yourself and all your flaws. Learn how to get over the obstacles that led you here. Learn to not carry these burdens alone. Share them, like this or with someone you trust.
Motivate yourself with things you'd like to accomplish (I made a bucket list) and reward yourself handsomely.
Find safe harbors. You can make peace with yourself by seeking support through a great bestie or therapist. Find a spot that you love, sit and reflect on how far you have come.
Help others. Recognize that you are not alone in this world and that others are struggling with their own demons too. Taking the time to help someone else is so good on your soul. You also become a safe harbor for them when things get dark.
Who am I now? I may not be where I want to be, but I cherish the love of my children, family, my circle and the man that through great patience loved me before I could love myself, became a safe harbor and is now my husband. I was able to level up my career, become a homeowner again and still live in the same community that turned it's back to me when the fire was white hot. I still have so much to look forward to and feel so battle tested that bad news is only a blip to me these days.
Are there moments of lament and brief relapses? Yes, but that's PTSD for you and you learn your triggers and how to deal with those with time.
I don't know you, Diony but my heart goes with you and although personally I still use care in sharing my story anonymously, I hope that you see me and my journey and know that brighter days are ahead of you. I promise.
Kelly MeigsMarketing is my thing.
250
08/21/24 at 12:30PM UTC
I wish I could give this response a thousand upvotes. So meaningful and inspirational.
OP, your trial by fire makes you human - and more compassionate and empathetic to other humans around you because you know, even at your young age, that life isn’t easy…for anybody. Everybody deserves grace. Sooner to later, everybody has heartbreak, conflict, sickness and worry in life. Somebody who understands that will give you a chance and love you more for it.
Anonymous
08/20/24 at 7:03PM UTC
It is ok. I feel you. It is good to know the good and bad of ourself. I am a teacher and one time a 6 grade student asked me “why I can not learn like other classmates?” I said “ because everybody learns different.” I continued “you need a little bit more help than another students. “
Other students do not need help, they are sufficient.”
so are you. You need an adult to get support. That is ok.
Good luck!
Cyndi Rosenblatt
3.36k
08/20/24 at 6:47PM UTC
You've been through a lot, but you made it to the other side and sound like you're healing. That shows that you are strong and capable and points to your ability to overcome. These are all good traits.
I'm not familiar enough with your field to know whether the misdemeanor and/or mental health crisis will come up in a background check. I definitely wouldn't suggest you omit that information if expressly asked, but I agree that there's no reason to volunteer it. If these are concerns that could legitimately hamper your current career trajectory, you can look for adjacent roles that don't require the same level of disclosure. You may even be able to revisit the misdemeanor charges and have it purged from your record. Might be worth talking to a lawyer if it can impact security clearances.
I wish you the very best as you continue to move forward.
Anonymous
08/20/24 at 5:33PM UTC
First of all you have absolutely zero reason to discuss your person mental or health situation with any prospective employer period! What are you thinking? You also have nothing to be ashamed of. You’re living life , stuff happens, we fall down , get up and move on. You’re just a babe at 27 and clearly smart and accomplished. Yes M’am!! You handle the absence from work like the rest of the world. You were laid off and are seeking employment in your field. Nuff said. You are only required to report a felony. More advice … once you get the new job and you will DO NOT share about your past with anyone. These are not your friends they are co workers and many like to compete, bully and gossip. Don’t let that happen. Now go for it! And good luck.
Nicole McKeon
209
08/20/24 at 5:30PM UTC
I think this is such a courageous post and I give you so much credit for asking for help. Life sure can be messy and humans tend to like to pretend that their lives are just perfect- when most of the time that isn't true. While I can't really help with navigating your specific situation- I can tell you that asking for help is always the right thing- I just wanted you to know that I am proud of you- and that having a nervous breakdwon is not "stupid" and recovering from it is an amazing achievement and you should be proud of yourself. I hope you find the perfect job with a team who will support you.
