How to Emotionally Handle Being Laid Off

Being laid off is never easy, even if you've been there before. For starters, if you don't have a fat savings account or any other means to support yourself while unemployed, your livelihood is threatened. On top of that is the emotional turmoil caused by a layoff.

You may feel disbelief, self-doubt, frustration, sadness, anger, resentment, and even shame. Many thoughts may run through your mind: Why you, of all your coworkers? What did you do wrong? What was the point of being so dedicated just to be let go out of nowhere? How will you break the news to your family and friends? 

While these reactions are normal given the situation, dwelling on them for too long is not good for your mental health and self-esteem. So, how do you stop it? We chatted with a licensed clinical social worker and here's her best advice on what to do after being laid off in order to protect your emotional health.

What does it feel like to be laid off? Common emotional effects

“A lot of different emotional responses can arise from being laid off—and often many at once,” says Kat Grassetti, licensed clinical social worker and clinical director at Monima Wellness Center. 

For most individuals, it may feel like the pain and betrayal of a breakup. According to the Help Center of Stanford University, some common emotional reactions are: 

• Anger

• Frustration

• Resentment

• Sadness

• Shock

• Fear

• Shame

• Disbelief

Your emotional response might be more intense if it's not your first time being laid off. “People tend to learn from experiences, but that doesn't make each experience easier,” Grassetti says. “While a worker may know the logical steps to take after their first layoff, it may lead to further feelings of inadequacy or self-blame if experienced again.” 

Of course, the emotions triggered by a layoff aren't always negative. “A person may feel relief from a layoff if the job was not aligned with their overall life goals but time spent at the job prohibited them from seeking new options,” Grassetti says. 

Typically, the type and level of your psychological response depends on your relationship with your job and what it means to you. “For some a job is just a stable paycheck, for some it's an environment where they experience friendship and camaraderie with their team, and for some a job may be deeply tethered to the person's value system,” the expert says.

Are layoffs traumatizing?

“Layoffs can be very traumatizing to a worker,” Grassetti says. “Any major life shift comes with adjustment, and a layoff often leaves workers with minimal time to prepare for the change.” She adds that the financial effects of unemployment are a key factor of the overall wellness of recently laid off workers.

“A worker may be in a challenging financial position, and a layoff will contribute to financial stress,” she says. “Many workers rely on their jobs for healthcare access, and the loss of benefits can lead to instability in critical medical and mental health care.”

The loss of friendships and personal connections developed at work can also cause strong emotional distress. “Workplaces are often hubs of social engagement for workers; many workplace friendships don't extend outside of the organization but that doesn't make the relationships any less significant,” Grassetti says. “There can be profound experiences of grief and loneliness that come up during layoffs.”

Note: If you're struggling with your mental health due to unemployment, seek out free support at Find Treatment, a resource provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. 

Read this next: Financial Stress? Here's How to Improve Your Relationship with Money

How to emotionally handle being laid off

So, how can you feel better after being laid off? As cliche as it might sound, there's no formula that works for everyone, but these tips can put you on the right path.

Don't suppress your emotions

You don't need to put on a brave face and pretend that a layoff in a world where money controls most aspects of our lives doesn't affect you. Once you're at the comfort of your home, allow yourself to feel every emotion and even cry if you want to. 

“Allowing yourself to experience a range of emotions is healthy—you don't need to land on just one,” Grassetti says. “All emotional experiences are valid.”

Seek the type of help you need

You'll also need some sort of external support, whether from family, friends, former coworkers who got laid off with you, or a therapist. However, in order for this to work, you must know what you need from them.

“Don't be afraid to ask for the type of support you need at the moment,” Grassetti says. “Do you want your feelings validated? Do you want a point of relation from someone else who's been laid off? Do you want advice on what to do? Think about the type of feedback that would be most helpful.”

Sometimes internet strangers can come to your rescue. Within our Fairygoodboss community, women often offer tips and advice for those struggling with work-related issues, including unemployment.

You can post anonymously, like this person, who was feeling resentful after a layoff and struggling to connect with her work friends. Or this person who, even after getting back on her feet, was having a hard time getting over her former job. Or this person who got laid off after 50 and reached out to our community for tips and words of encouragement.

Several women who went through similar situations chimed in with their personal stories and perspectives. Being party of a community of understanding people who’ve been through it will help you remind yourself that you're not alone in this—the job market out there is tough and many professionals are going through difficult times.

Nurture your body and soul

You might feel like it's wrong to have fun and relax while unemployed, but that's not true. Engage in mental and physical self-care to detach from all the negative emotions—even if only for a couple of hours a day. 

This could mean exercising, having a spa day at home, finishing that show you never had time to watch before, reading, playing video games, or any other hobby you may have.

Don't overwhelm yourself with tasks

That said, you don't need to fill up your day with multiple tasks to accomplish, whether they're enjoyable or not. It's easy to believe that if you're not sending 100 resumes and filling out 80 online applications a day you're a lazy person who isn't even trying. 

But quantity isn't always quality, especially when job searching. Keep this in mind when searching for help or advice, too, and filter what's really helpful and applicable in your specific situation. “If you're seeking to just get something off your chest and you're met with a list of suggestions it can feel overwhelming and frustrating,” Grassetti says.

Before it happens: How to emotionally prepare for a layoff 

Layoffs often come out of nowhere, but sometimes companies give direct or indirect signs that one’s about to hit. For example, when the all-hands meeting has nothing but bad financial news, such as loss of clients and important projects. Or when multiple departments are letting people go—yours could be next. In times like these, you can start emotionally preparing in advance.

“Ask yourself what role your job plays in your life—is work a place of social connection, a place of deep meaning, or a stable paycheck?” Grassetti says. “Knowing what a job means can help anticipate the emotions that will arise should the layoff take place.” 

You can also start getting your financial ducks in a row by budgeting and cutting back on spending, which can soften the blow of losing your income. “Having a clear understanding of the life impact—‘What does this mean for my financial stability? What does this mean for my health care coverage? What does the existing job market look like?’—can help you feel settled in an uncertain time,” she says.

Read this next: What to Do with Your 401(k) After a Layoff: Understanding Your Options

You will get through it

The psychological effects of being laid off can range from anger to disbelief, from resentment to low self-esteem, but they aren't the same for everyone. Every experience is unique and you should allow yourself time to feel all the feelings and to take care of your physical and emotional health.

FAQs

How to react when getting laid off?

When you hear the news from HR, try not to react with anger or disrespect. Not only is it unprofessional, but you might need a referral in the future or even interview with them again. You can express disappointment or sadness, but keep it professional.

Are layoffs ever personal?

It can be, if you have a toxic leadership who play favorites and target specific employees. However, this is not always the case—most companies do it for financial reasons, and you shouldn't assume it's personal unless you have good reason or evidence. 

“No matter the function of the company's layoffs, and how the layoff is presented, it often feels personal,” Grassetti says. “It is natural to compare situations and be left with many questions that will likely go unanswered.” 

Is it embarrassing to be laid off?

Being laid off is not embarrassing. In the current state of capitalism and global economic landscape, major layoffs are becoming common and it's likely that most workers will experience it at one point. However, it's normal to feel embarrassed. “Layoffs tend to bring up questions of ‘Why was I chosen and not someone else?’” Grassetti says. “It's completely normal to feel embarrassed.”

How to stay positive after a layoff?

Reach out to your support system, whether it's family, friends, or a significant other. Then, think about what you want your career to look like moving forward. This could be an opportunity for growth, a career shift, or even to start a business. Also, try to use part of your free time to do a hobby and for self-care (e.g. eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising), which can help you feel better and lighten your mood. 

What are the side effects of being laid off?

According to the American Psychology Association, job insecurity and unemployment are tied to anxiety, depression, and loss of life satisfaction.  

“I got laid off without warning, is it legal?”

It depends. In the U.S., if you're employed at-will you can be laid off without notice (and you can also handle your resignation without notice, though it's standard to give at least two-weeks notice). 

However, when it comes to mass layoffs (meaning several people being let go at once or in a short period of time), the WARN (Worker Adjustment and Retraining Notification) Act requires businesses that employ over 100 people to give 60 days’ notice in writing (or 15 days’ notice for workers with less than 120 days at the company). 

If the employer fails to do that, they must pay the salary and benefits the employees would have earned in those 60 days. For further guidance, check the WARN worker's guide provided by the U.S. Department of Labor and consult with an employment attorney.