How do you get over a layoff, *after* landing on your feet (or better)? I was laid off last summer, the first layoffs ever in the company's multi-decade history.

20 Comments

1. AnonymousFebruary 25,2021 at 2:00AM UTC

   I would start by counting your blessings!
   1) You are no longer dealing with a crappy boss!
   2) You got a new role quickly!
   3) You love your new job!
   4) You're making more money!

   So remember that the windshield is larger than the rear-view mirror - for a good reason...you are moving forward, moving on, let the old situation pass and fade into the background and look forward.

   Yes, I've been there, your analogies are correct, but perhaps your focus on the old is because you may have tied too much of your self-worth, life, into the job you once had.

   Ask yourself this: "If they called to ask me back, would I say yes?"

   You've been given a great opportunity to shine, so do so.

   In this case I would say the greatest 'revenge' is for you to be successful in your new company and position.

   Try not to waste anymore of your energy on those that would give you none.

   Good luck!

2. AnonymousFebruary 25,2021 at 2:27AM UTC

   OP here, thank you for this. Great perspective, I hadn’t thought about “if they called back”, etc. And spot on on the self-worth, I was aware of that even in the moment. I think a lot of the butthurt I’m feeling is that my boss really was awful, it was 100% targeted at me, and she went personal and cut deep AND it was tolerated by -her- boss. Toxic. (It’s somehow worse when it’s woman to woman, isn’t it? Especially when, in my case, we are in the literal business of supporting others. Anyway.) You are absolutely right, the best way to get back is to do amazing in my own lane, and not waste energy on them because they certainly aren’t spending any on me. Thank you, friend!

3. AnonymousFebruary 25,2021 at 2:23PM UTC

   Anon here, you're welcome! Just try to remember that another person's inability to see your worth does not lessen your worth. It truly lessens theirs (IMHO).

   Good luck!

4. MaureenMarch 8,2021 at 7:10PM UTC

   I agree with what is being said, no job, company is perfect. However you sound like you are in a much better place jobwise, money and work environment. You cant fix people that dont see your value, thats on them. What you can do is love the one your with. The new company appreciates your talents, pays you better and gives you a good review. Be thankful and enjoy this time, maybe buy yourself a little treat. You deserve it. Look forward not back.

5. Kryssy SantanaApril 12,2025 at 1:21AM UTC

   Yes my boss was also a women, both tof them the level of selfishness all the ladies showed made me sick. I really cannot stand women who act like that. That is one thing I am grateful to not have to deal with a ny longer, it's just not good for me, so in a way I find it to be a blessing that I'm no longer there, I couldn't do it for long term anyway. And at the end of the day, I did some soul searching and I am never going to behave that way to another female at work and so it helps me sleep at night knowing that I am me, and they are themselves and thank god I'm not them!

6. AnonymousMarch 9,2021 at 2:03PM UTC

   I love the analogy- the windshield is much larger than the rear view mirror. I understand the sting of being let go and know looking ahead is the best thing I can do. I cannot change the past, so it’s not worth my time and energy thinking about it! Will keep your wise word in mind. TY!

7. Karla V QuezadaMarch 15,2021 at 12:08AM UTC

   Think of situations like this as experiences that teach you something and allow you to grow. Like a plant that moves from the shadow and seeks the light/ sun. We get comfortable in our jobs and daily routines as most human beings do. The problem with it is that we stay at a job or other relationship and take on the crap that comes with staying. One thing I have done in the past when encountered with hostile work environment, is that I give myself a time limit to move out of there, not burn a bridge and resign. As part of that "plan"I tell myself that unless, it extremely dire situation, I would not go back but forward. In this sense, it is like the above analogy of the mirror. That has allowed me to let it go and move on as it was "my move and not theirs."

8. Rokhaya FlowMarch 8,2021 at 8:09PM UTC

   The best way to forget the past is to focus on the present. This is where lies your real gift. Thank you for being so open and sharing your story. It actually reminds me of my mom who also went through a similar situation but in her case she was among the last batch of lay-offs and went through hell seing her friends and co-workers laid off before her. But then she had to deal with the workloads and stress as her department was getting smaller but the work was piling up and she was still expected to submit her work by the deadlines. I remember her being so anxious and stress that it even affected all of us at home. I usually call her at lunch time to catch up but in those time she would be either too busy or crying to me about wanting to be let go. When she finally did, it was a true relief and she was able to find her groove and direction again. Similar things happened though where the company started doing better and hired a bunch of new graduates and young folks, however there was a catch. When they adopt such strategy, those new hires usually are offered a lower pay and lower benefits than the previous workers they laid-off. This is how they ensure their survival as a corporation. So be grateful that you were able to find something else you love and be recognized for your efforts. What matters his your mental health. The past is the past and it should serve you as a lesson then let go of it.
   Much love
   P. S: You got this!

9. AnonymousMarch 8,2021 at 10:07PM UTC

   I think a clear focus on the things you learned from the experience might be helpful. This sounds like classic overthinking to me, (and no, not trying to judge you. It’s like looking into a mirror!). Make a conscious effort to lay the past to rest for your own peace of mind. Sit down with a pad and pencil and make a list of all the reasons why you should have resigned from that job on your own. What did you learn from those negatives that you’re taking into your future? How do those lessons now shape your current expectations?
   I can sympathize. It’s really hard to let go of things sometimes, especially when you feel like you were forced to do so. Yet, those experiences always build something better, don’t they? I used to think I only left bad situations with anger or hurt; now I realize that I also leave them with new insights into who I am, who I want to be, and what job expectations are non-negotiable for me. It’s like the trite are fond of saying “there’s no sweet without the bitter”.

10. AnonymousMarch 8,2021 at 10:07PM UTC

    Sounds like you actually bumped right into a cloud with a great big beautiful silver lining! Congratulations to you - and congrats also for landing in a spot that seems to be a much better fit! I would suggest you consider that this is similar to searching for the perfect item (outfit, house, car, etc.) and having your heart nearly set on one, until suddenly you accidentally come across one that is significantly better than what you thought you wanted.

    The other thing that might be helpful is to actually write down 5 or 6 things you learned in the former position - which are now so very useful in your current role. Consider the time at the former position as a learning and growing time. nEven though people you know are still at the former organization, you cannot really know how they are feeling or what type of growth they are experiencing. Consider yourself blessed that you got a little boost in moving forward!

    When I used to have to make decisions RIFs (reductions in force), I always tried to feel better about it by reminding myself that the people that were being asked to move on - were really likely to find things that were much better for them anyway - it was a match up process.

11. Jayne GerlachMarch 9,2021 at 12:57AM UTC

    I can relate. I had a job that I couldn't stand, but the benefits were amazing and my husband was terminally ill. He died and less than 90 days later they laid me off - after just having asked me to mentor managers who had been there longer, but who they said weren't as skilled. Naturally, those folks weren't laid off. My boss and boss' boss were laid off first. When it happened, I was angry and hurt. But, then I reminded myself that I hated the job, that I had already been looking and I didn't want to work for the kind of company who would lay someone off so soon after such a life trauma.

    My sister has a friend who always says, "I don't grow backward." I think it's a perfect phrase for my situation and yours. Another great phrase is. "The best revenge is success." Enjoy your new role!

12. AnonymousMarch 9,2021 at 10:30PM UTC

    OP here- I'm so sorry you had to go through such an awful departure. I am definitely going to borrow and adopt the "I don't grow backwards" philosophy, thank you for that! Helps so much. I hope you are also enjoying where you're at now too. <3

13. meggonjinnMarch 9,2021 at 3:36AM UTC

    I have been laid off 2x. I know it stings and it's also really sad, missing all your work friends. But I promise it does get better over time.
    One thing you could do to focus on the "good" parts of the past is reach out to one of your old work friends once a week, just to say hi. You could get virtual coffee, or just catch up over email. If they don't respond, no big deal, try another person the next week. That way you can catch up with your friends (who you miss more than the job or the boss!), and also maintain your network at the same time.

14. Dr. Anindita GhoshMarch 9,2021 at 4:37AM UTC

    Hi,

    I can completely empathize with you. My disposition is similar to yours. It is difficult for me too to keep myself from looking backwards and stop ruminating. Martin Seligman (2011) terms this as part of the catastrophic nature of our brain. He and Buss (2000) say that evolutionarily, our brain has developed during a time of ice, flood, fires, etc. due to which we tend to focus more on the negative environmental cues to be able to protect ourselves from these. This part is necessary for us to learn and survive.

    Coming to your situation, you need to understand that you have learnt whatever was possible from the last company. It is time for you to grow into something bigger than what you had last time. Yes, rejection hurts. But that has allowed you to gain and build skills that you can employ at your present job. This is a blessing that you need to count. Make yourself realize that this blessing is a result of your hardwork and intelligence too! (try the three blessing exercise once in a while).

    I hope this wasn't too long! I would like to know if you have had a good conclusion to your story.

15. AnonymousMarch 9,2021 at 10:29PM UTC

    OP here- Dr. Ghosh, thanks so much for your insight. Not too long at all! One of the things that was holding me back was simply that I wasn't talking about how I truly felt about all of this. My post here was a really good step in the right direction, and I am starting to feel some genuine closure which feels great - thanks in large part to the thoughtful replies I've gotten, like yours. Really great stuff to keep in perspective. Thank you!

16. Charlie SwiftMarch 9,2021 at 10:49AM UTC

    Susan Bridges, in her and her late husband's Transitions Model, talks about the need to do *endings* properly before you can embrace a new beginning - even if you want to.

    There are lots of reasons why leaving was right for you but the manner and timing of your leaving wasn't your decision, so your "ending" almost hasn't happened.

    Everyone's different, so exactly how to do that ending will be unique to you - just be sure not to try to simply turn your back and move forward with unfinished psychological business hanging over you.

    Once you're properly "done" you'll be able to live the theoretical positives of leaving for real and you'll wonder what the problem was.

17. AnonymousMarch 9,2021 at 10:28PM UTC

    OP here- I absolutely love this mindset. Thank you.

18. AnonymousMarch 11,2021 at 4:46AM UTC

    In simple terms, by looking back you are giving karma and the universe a big kick in the .... Although it is difficult to look forward and count your blessings, you need to. It is ego that is making you want to look back because if you were unhappy and things weren’t going well and eventually wanted to leave, this should make you feel like you manifested the good in your life right now. Yes, manifested. The universe has a way of kicking you out of situations that are not serving your higher purpose or self. Many like myself have been laid off and “not landed on our feet” Again at all. If it’s some sort of closure you seek, I suggest writing a letter to yourself stating all the things you wished were stated or why you feel incomplete upon starting a new job and then burn it. Burn that document and let it go. Everything we do in life is a lesson and whatever that lesson was to teach you brought you to the wonder of a role and career you now have. If we are truly grateful for what we have, we don’t ever look back, with anything other than gratitude for having been removed from a situation that obviously wasn’t meant for you.

19. AnonymousMarch 12,2021 at 2:05PM UTC

    It is natural for an aspiring and intelligent person like you to feel awful and spurned in retrospect of what happened with your previous company! This process of reflecting on the events there will help you in healing as well as understanding what are the pitfalls to avoid going forward even more. I am sure most of us ladies including me have gone through this sort of scenario in some part of our career, it happens and molds us to who we are. Perseverance pays off in the long run.

20. AnonymousApril 12,2025 at 1:14AM UTC

    I am having the same problem! I havent even botherered to look in the same field because my former boss was so bad, Im talking, I had to file a complaint with the labor board, i had to sue for damages to my vehicle which occured during work hours due to my schedule, nd I had a undermining supervisor who sabotaged me every chance she got, not to mention a creepy co worker and too much unpaid overtime, including overnights. I did have help from collegues below me nd I actually miss them, but I never hear from them so I gues s the feelings werent mutual. Everytime Im in a job interview I am on the lookout for red flags and Im not sure if thats normal but it was a really bad experience. Id like to know how not to feel so bitter as well. It doesn't help that my dog passed.