Pregnant, Working, and Worried? 4 Things You Must Do With Your Partner Before Baby's Here

Having a child is not for the faint of heart. When your baby arrives, there will be little time for sleeping – let alone planning. Because many responsibilities, such as breastfeeding, must fall on you, you should consider delegating some other responsibilities to your partner so you can get some rest.

1. Bring Him to Prenatal Check-Ups

On average, a woman has to go to twelve to fifteen prenatal visits, which is time consuming for you. But those doctor visits are not just regular visits – they are an important way for the fathers to be engaged throughout this journey. It’s worth the time for both of you to go. Even though your partner is not the one getting the check-ups, it is important for him to make the effort to make time for the visits. Doing so will help your partner feel he is contributing and connecting with the baby and supporting you. It also allows him to be present in case there are important decisions for you to make as a couple.

2. Establish Paternity Leave or PTO

During the first couple of weeks, you may want your partner to plan on using any paternity leave he may have, or his accumulated PTO. You shouldn’t plan on doing these first few weeks alone. Having a partner to burp and soothe the baby after each feeding lets you sleep more, and by going through the sleepless nights together, you will build a bond in raising your child. Even if your division of labor changes later on, he will always appreciate the hard work you are putting in because he experienced it firsthand.

3. Plan Responsibilities to a Tee

Today, women are assuming more home responsibilities, even though more of us are in the workforce. The term "second shift" is commonly used to describe employed mothers facing an unequal load of household labor and thus a "double day" of work. In “Women in the Workplace 2016,” produced by LeanIn.Org and McKinsey & Company, researchers found that “women in senior management are seven times more likely than men at the same level to say they do more than half of the housework.” By religiously planning out the responsibilities with your partner, you can alleviate friction, especially during pregnancy and the early phases of infant care.

4. Adapt to Change

Even if you’ve planned in advance, it is just as important to revisit the plan against the actual situation, especially when there is a change in infant care arrangements or work schedules. When my husband Jacob first returned to work, I was staying at home. Uninterrupted sleep became a necessity for him, so we agreed I would take over the night duties exclusively. Fortunately, our daughter was often sleeping five hours per night by then, so his return to work wasn’t too disruptive most of the time. But at times it was exhausting. A couple of weeks later, he came home with flowers and a smile.

“Thank you for letting me rest at night," he said. "I know it is a lot of work for you, and I appreciate you.” These words melted my heart and made all the hard work worthwhile. I also know that if he had not experienced the sleepless nights himself, he would not have had the same appreciation he does now. His paternity leave made this connection possible.

Egalitarian career expectations have to come with egalitarian family arrangements. Having a child can often widen the gap between your expectation and reality if you have to constantly fill the childcare void. You can drive equality at home through planning and managing responsibilities with your partner early on.

Vivienen Wei is a tech strategist and an advocate for working parents. From Shanghai to Dartmouth College, from Wall Street to Silicon Valley, she has always worked and excelled in a male-dominant environment. After giving birth to her second child, she made a commitment to interview career women at the highest levels of success and to detail their journeys and career guidance in her new book, Labor Force: Winning Strategies During Pregnancy, Maternity Leave and Return to Work. She received her BA from Dartmouth College and MBA from Harvard University.