Confessions of a Serial Ghoster
Dear Career Coaches,
You know that one aimless, freeloading, ungrateful potential client who shamelessly takes advantage of your beautifully-crafted, research-based, "free" online career guidance resources that you put your blood, sweat, and expertise into . . . but then never follows through or commits?
Hi. It's me. I'm the one.
Seriously, over the past 2 years I have flagrantly taken advantage of at least 2 dozen such opportunities to work with some amazing career coaches, but I can't seem to take my commitment to the next level. I am a shameless flirt, but total commitment-phobe. You know the kind.
Maybe I just haven't found The One.
I need a matchmaker.
Or maybe there is an app for that. You know, that whole I swipe you, you swipe me back, kindof a thing.
Is it a thing? Can it be?
Help?
Sincerely yours,
Serial Ghoster
Coincidentally, I just stumbled upon this nugget of an article while going through my emails: https://invincible.substack.com/p/ghosting-will-destroy-your-reputation
I'm not a coach, but I do spend a lot of time reading the information that is put out there for free, just like you. It's free for a reason, and I don't think you should feel badly. One of the people I'm connected to on LinkedIn is a big time coach and influencer, and he even speaks to me personally on occasion, answers my questions and openly talks about what Lynne referenced above--some people will not go deeper than the free guides, podcasts, etc. And that's ok. Some do, and that's the whole point. If you find someone who really clicks with what you're about, you'll know and take the next step. For now, good luck!!!
Thanks, Judy! I just really want to know how do I know when I have found the right one. I guess I will know when I know! Just have to keep trying for now. Asking for free help is exhausting and sucky. But hopefully I will be in a position some day to pay it forward.
You are allowed to use the free resources, including free introductory coaching sessions. That's why they are there.
Have you ever heard of a marketing funnel? Picture a funnel with the large hole up. These are the people who receive free services: articles, videos, podcasts, webinars, coaching sessions. Of those, a small percentage move down the funnel to receive low-fee services: ebooks, introductory courses, etc. Then, there are the more intermediate priced items that some people choose to take: more advanced courses, group sessions, etc. Only a few become private, individual clients; they are the ones coming through the very small bottom hole of the funnel.
Now, not all coaches have funnels--probably most don't, but all expect that some people will use paid services but most won't. That's okay.
And here's a little secret: Do you know that when done properly, the lower-cost items can make more money for a coach than private coaching can? So, if you are one of 10,000 people who purchased an ebook for $5 from a coach and she made $3.50 from each of those books, you helped her earn $35,000. Or if you are one of 5,000 who buys a recorded course for $100 (and she retains $75), the coach earns $375,000. Most don't make that kind of money, but most don't have funnels.
And the largest revenues (income) are from helping the greatest number of people in the way that works for them at the price-point they can afford.
Does that make you feel any better?
It is somewhat helpful to know! The funnel concept is something I have heard about from when I was learning a new sales job. Despite understanding that NO is the overwhelming response, I found I did not have the right attitude to keep that job in the long run. As self-employed business owners, career coaches (that make it and are worth their salt) probably hear more than there fair share of no (or just have the no-shows). That should say a lot about what kind of person it takes to establish themselves in that type of role. Admirable!
For me, "no's" are fine. They are expected. "No-shows" is a completely different matter.
Cancel an appointment but please don't be a no-show. It is inconsiderate. The coach (or doctor or attorney, etc.) put aside time to work with this person. They might have said "no" to someone else who wanted that time slot or they may have given up other plans in order to be available.
There is a huge difference between blatantly ignoring an appointment--what I consider a no-show--and forgetting because they did not receive a reminder or having an emergency and being unable to inform me before the appointment. But when someone says, oh, I decided to do something else as happened to me recently, I usually require proof of intent that this will never happen again before proceeding with our coach/client relationship--especially if this is a first, a free introductory appointment.
Do you see the difference?
Of course I can see! I only ever no-showed for an appointment once (how humiliating!). But I am still guilt-ridden for using services that I never follow through to the next step with. Not as bad as blatantly standing someone up, but the newer/softer version of that. . . what we now call "ghosting" . . . sometimes makes it seem more acceptable.
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Oh my goodness, I have a similar story: A beautiful and talented human being was willing to invest their time, care, and professional energy into me to help me with my career search... but every time I saw her I'd leave her office in tears. She obviously was reaching me on some deeper level, and I panicked and ran, not wanting to face truth, hard work, or uncomfortable situations. She didn't deserve me ghosting her!! I'm not sure if your experience(s) were similar, but I know I definitely need to "get over myself, and 'suck it up Princess'"!
Precisely! I am just so over asking for and needing help. When a friend helped me at an early stage (a career coach, and for free), I ended up feeling so guilty over it and to this very day I don't feel like I have repaid the favor. Another time I completely panicked before meeting a different coach in person, totally didn't show and ignored her follow up. Since then I only ever have contacted anyone online to save myself the humiliation of a repeat. You are right: "Suck it up!" good mantra!
Hi Serial Ghoster, thanks for sharing where you are at in your journey! What are you hoping a coach would help you achieve? What causes you to still wonder whether you should commit to coaching rather pursuing your career goals on your own with the information you have already received?
Thanks for the question! I have taken some of the advice and in the beginning it was extremely helpful as I was at the beginning of changing careers. And I felt I could justify just "trying it out" at that stage. I also thought that a lot of the issues I had were not for a career coach per se, but needed some therapy (depression and anxiety), so I tried that for a while as well. I feel I am in a much better place in a lot of ways now, but I am still navigating a career change. I am in a bridge role now that I hope will get me there, and I am sure some of those resources early on helped me to achieve that much, but I am afraid I am at that stuck stage where the basic information I can glean from free webinars are pretty vision boards are just not going to be enough. And I am not finding a good way to really connect with a coach. Actually, I think I am just to the point where I may have "career coach fatigue," if that is possible.