I have been thinking a lot about this group and how we can be a resource to one another even though we have never met. I think we can still have a personal connection. I want us to get to know each other. Like REALLY getting to know each other. Share stuff that our grandma might have told us wasn’t polite to talk about: Money. Failure. Shame. Sexism. Because not only are those things a part of our lives- they show up during our job search and they won’t go away. Trust me, I have tried to ignore them. So I would like to tell you all a few stories (yes, there will most likely be typos) with the hope that you will respond with your stories. And if you have any hesitation about doing so, click that “post anonymously box.” That’s what it is there for. Here is today’s question. When have you felt like you made a mistake in your career or job search process? Or maybe you did something well and it just didn’t turn out like you wanted. Or you went through a tough experience that you learned something from. Here is one of mine about asking for a raise. When I got this particular job, I negotiated a higher salary. And when I did so, my new boss actually thanked me and acknowledged that it can be an awkward conversation. I loved that job. A year and a half after starting, one day during a meeting, I got assigned whole new set of responsibilities. almost jumped for joy. I had been doing a lot of the work, but now I now was officially in charge of two programs - one which I would be creating from scratch! This was a huge promotion and work that I was really passionate about. In my next 1-1, I told my boss how excited I was and said: “I feel like I got a promotion.” Maybe I was trying to intentionally plant the seed that this new role was worth a lot more money. I had been asking around and I figured out that larger companies in Seattle were paying as much as 35k more than I was earning. I made it my goal to figure out a way to make that much and stay at a small fast-growing company, but I knew I would need to move up and take on more responsibility since a smaller company can’t pay as much. Because I would be taking on a lot more, including creating a revenue-generating program, I began a series of conversations with my boss to show the value and revenue I would bring and why I deserved a raise. I realized he would be more comfortable with pay tied to results, so I proposed a bonus that would be based on how much revenue I helped to generate, instead of just an increase on my base salary. He came back with a bonus schedule for the next six months that included my traveling constantly and delivering most of these trainings all over the country by myself. Although it would be tough, after getting buy-in from my husband, I was onboard. It seemed a little considering all the travel, but I figured I would do it see how it went. I could always ask for more the following year if it went well, right? It went well and we met our goal! So many customers were buying the programs that my boss decided to expand my team. I got a direct report and starting interviewing for the second. The new fiscal year started and I got a 3% raise. But a month went by and we still didn’t have my bonus for the current year. As my bonus accounted for a decent percentage of my salary. I was getting nervous not knowing how much money I would make. I told my boss I was frustrated that we hadn’t figured it out yet. Eventually, he emailed me my new bonus structure, and I was thrilled. It required me to do really well to continue to earn more (My base salary was still only making 3% more than when I was first hired before I became and people manager or a program manager) but there was no cap. I thought, great, I will make this happen! In our next 1-1 I said “I just want to thank you. I really appreciate this.” He replied, “Good, because if you said this was anything other than a home run, I was going to say that this may not be the right company for you.” I felt like I had been punched int he stomach. What? Was this not how this was supposed to go? As I prove myself, I get more responsibility and with each promotion, don’t I get a raise? I got the title and salary (through bonus) that I wanted, and that is important (lord knows you can’t pay the mortgage on hope and wishes) but what I was really craving was some validation. I just wanted him to say that I had earned it. That he appreciated my work. Something. I would love to tell you that this was a one-off comment and our relationship was fine after that, but it wasn’t. And there are moments where I think, wow, I really screwed that up. Or I deserved that, I pushed too hard. And I have definitely learned a lot from my experience and would do some things differently in the future. But I also watched how many other people struggled to get promotions on paper even though they had already been doing the work for awhile. I just want us all to remember that everyone struggles with this stuff- marketing yourself, proving your worth, asking for more- it’s terrifying. And that’s also why I love helping others with it. I want to make it suck a little less, in part by helping people realize that they are not alone in this.