10 Things to Unlearn to Truly Grow in Your Career—Insights from Real Women

There’s a lot of pressure to always be learning something new. Skill up, level up, glow up—right? But here's what most “growth” guides don’t talk about: Sometimes what propels you forward isn’t what you add to your plate—it’s what you finally put down.

At Fairygodboss, our community knows a thing or two about transformation. We asked: What have you had to unlearn to truly grow in your career? The answers were eye-opening, honest, and deeply relatable. So today, we’re not talking about mastering Excel shortcuts or refining your LinkedIn. We’re talking about the harder stuff: the habits, beliefs, and patterns we’ve outgrown.

What’s the advantage of unlearning, you may be asking? Well, growth. Changing a habit that no longer serves. Because growth isn’t just about knowing more—it’s about knowing better and doing differently.

Here are 10 things to unlearn that real Fairygodboss community members say helped them break harmful cycles, set stronger boundaries, and make bold career moves.

1. Unlearning perfectionism

“One of the hardest things to unlearn is that you don't have to do everything yourself. If you're a perfectionist, that's hard because nobody will do it as well as you. But perfect is the enemy of done and focusing on all those things you should be delegating is keeping you from fulfilling your purpose.”

This one hit home for so many of us. We’re taught to take pride in being the reliable one, the overachiever, the woman who just gets it done. But holding on too tightly can stunt your leadership. Unlearning perfectionism makes space to lead, mentor, and breathe.

Read this next: The Root of Perfectionism (and How to Overcome it)

2. Unlearning the urge to stay in the wrong role

This woman knows exactly what she needs to do—and wants others to learn from her mistake. “Go find a role that really challenges me, rather than staying at a job too long when I knew I was undervalued and not utilized in the right way. I should’ve applied for new jobs sooner.”

It’s not easy to admit when a role no longer serves you. But staying out of comfort—or fear—can cost you more than a few paychecks. Our community reminds us that valuing yourself sometimes means walking away before you hit your breaking point.

Read this next: 12 Signs It's Time to Quit Your Job (and Move On for the Right Reasons)

3. Unlearning who you “should” trust

“Sometimes your manager or colleagues cannot be trusted and [you need] to stay true to yourself.”

It’s tough to unlearn the idea that everyone in a professional setting is playing fair. Unfortunately, not every workplace is healthy, and not every manager is rooting for you. That’s not paranoia; it’s wisdom. The goal isn’t to become cynical—it’s to become discerning.

4. Unlearning the apology reflex

“I’m unlearning being apologetic for existing or needing things. As women, we are conditioned to ask for what we need sweetly with sugar. Instead, I’m working on saying, 'Send the missing information, please.' I am given a lot more respect and I certainly feel more confident.”

Raise your hand if you’ve ever started an email with “Sorry to bother you…” when you weren’t sorry and weren’t being a bother. Unlearning this instinct is about reclaiming your right to take up space and ask for what you need without a side of sugar.

Read this next: Stop Over-Apologizing at Work: What to Say Instead

5. Unlearning traditional definitions of growth

“I’m unlearning that ‘professional development’ is not the same as ‘career advancement.’ I have zero interest in managing people. Instead, I’ve been focusing on analytics skills. I’m much happier and my boss is happy too.”

Spoiler alert: Not everyone wants to be a manager. And that’s OK. Real growth can mean deepening your craft, not climbing a ladder you don’t want. It takes guts to say “no thanks” to the standard path and build one that fits you.

6. Unlearning the need to “fix” everything

“Even things that are out of my control, I want to fix…. I either try to fix it or I accept responsibility for it when I had absolutely nothing to do with it.”

Being the fixer can feel like a superpower—until it becomes a trap. Not everything broken is yours to repair. Sometimes, the real growth is in observing the chaos, taking a deep breath, and letting someone else hold the wrench.

7. Unlearning what success even means

“I’ve spent so many years determining success by society's standards…. Now I’m working on focusing on what I want instead.”

Success doesn’t have to mean six figures, a corner office, or a certain job title. It can mean balance. Or creativity. Or having the freedom to take your kid to soccer practice. The beauty of unlearning is that you get to redefine what matters.

8. Unlearning the solo act

“I think I’m unlearning the idea that I have to carry everything alone. I’m making space to receive without guilt.”

Hyper-independence may have helped you survive early in your career, but eventually, it can become a barrier. You don’t have to do it all yourself. You’re allowed to lean on your team. Ask for help. 

9. Unlearning burnout culture

“I’m unlearning that I do not have to work off hours to be a good employee.”

Working through dinner, answering 10 p.m. Slack pings, skipping lunch because you’re “so busy.” We’ve glamorized hustle to the point of exhaustion. But being on 24/7 isn’t sustainable. It’s not heroic. It’s harmful. Rest is productive, too.

10. And finally…unlearning people-pleasing

“I’m unlearning being the first to volunteer for everything…. I realize that I have people-pleasing tendencies to a fault. It doesn't mean saying ‘no’ all the time, but being mindful and selective when I say yes.”

If “sure, I can do that” is your default response—even when your plate is already overflowing—it’s time to build the habit of putting your needs on the list too. Saying no is hard. But it’s also powerful. Unlearning people-pleasing is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself and your career.

Read this next: 5 Signs You're a People Pleaser at Work (and How to Stop)

What will you unlearn?

Whether it’s the need to be perfect, to be liked, or to be constantly available, unlearning takes time. But our community proves that it’s worth it. So go ahead and drop the guilt, the grind, the expectations. There’s a better way forward. And it starts with what you’re ready to leave behind.