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Hil Gibb
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143
Award-winning Children's Author
10/29/20 at 12:59PM UTC (Edited)
in
Parenting

Calling all grown-ups. Stop dashing in!

As parents, we’re a bit hard-wired to leap and take action instantly, when it comes to our children. And I am vexed by how SM can apply the pressure for what constitutes a truly caring or successful parent. I’m making a case to take a stand against the human habit of dashing to actions and solutions. Way, way back, dashing to action and solution was a necessary mindset. Cavemen and women didn’t ordinarily have the luxury of strategising or taking their time. Something was life-threatening there and then, and had to be dealt with there and then. These days, thankfully, the vast majority of us are not under constant threat. We can be more considered in our actions. Now, I’m not suggesting that you sit back and ‘let things play out’ when you’re little one reaches out to touch a hot iron. I’m not that crazy! I’m saying that, in many instances, being able to resist the urge to leap into action, is beneficial to our youngsters. Let Jade wrestle with her tights. Let Dan struggle with his maths challenge. Take time to prepare the questions you have, before going to see Ethan’s teacher. Really listen to Emma’s and Jodie’s different sides of the story before deciding your course of action. When we leap to action, we can inadvertently stifle the development and independence of our children. We could also find ourselves working to solve something that wasn’t the actual problem; a waste of time and effort for all of us. I suggest that, where things aren’t of imminent danger, we take a leaf out of Albert’s book… “If I had an hour to solve a problem, I’d spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about the solution .” Albert Einstein To your success and considered actions Hil ;0) Children's Author and Advocate for Kids www.rubyandalfie.com

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Karen Rubin
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32
Helping women in the workplace
10/20/20 at 8:57PM UTC
I couldn't agree more that many parents, in our desire to be helpful and loving, allow our children to learn helplessness. I know this, because I did it myself. As a busy working parent, I often rushed in because I could do things faster and with less mess. If I could give advice to my younger self, it would be to pause and let my kids figure out solutions, clean up their messes, and deal with the consequences they created (forget your school lunch--you'll have to buy today). I know that last comment seems a lifetime ago, when kids were eating in school, but the point is the same even if the world has changed. Now that my kids are almost adults, I still need to remind myself to give them time to figure things out and solve their problems. It makes them more competent, confident, and resilient.
Hil Gibb
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143
Award-winning Children's Author
10/21/20 at 9:26AM UTC
Thanks Karen. I totally agree re learned helplessness. I see it happening in so many places; and not just with regard to children. When working with leadership teams, we often discuss learned helplessness in the workplace.
Paulla Fetzek
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1.73k
Teacher, Lighting Expert, & Office Professional
10/14/20 at 12:25AM UTC
I'm not a mother. However, I am a teacher and tutor. And Hil - you made MANY great points. As a tutor especially, one of my greatest frustrations is when I first meet a potential student. And the parent proceeds to do all the talking. I'll let it go for a time or two. The child may be shy. The parent may have something he/she really feels I need to know. But if it continues... I stop what I'm doing and kindly say to the parent something like, "I truly appreciate your feedback. However, in order for me to get to know your child, I need to work with him/her one-on-one. Would it be all right if I worked directly with him/her?" Nine times out of ten, the parent will apologize (not that I mean them to - or want them to, but it's nice) and back away. The other 1% either explain why they're "butting in" - or they get huffy with me. The former I totally understand. The latter - don't become clients of mine.
Hil Gibb
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143
Award-winning Children's Author
10/21/20 at 9:24AM UTC
Thanks Paulla. I agree that, when working with a youngster, we want to hear from that youngster and not the parents' view of their child. Pupil voice is so important.
Michelle Verquer
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423
Authentic Leadership Development Specialist
10/09/20 at 2:25PM UTC
I agree. Independence and self-sufficiency is critical in development. I think sometimes parents choose efficiency and sanity over letting their kids do. I know, in the mornings, I tend to try to move things along as quickly as possible and rather than asking my children over and over again to pack their lunches and bags, I just take care of it. For me, it is a matter of consistency. I need to let them do every time or otherwise they will continue to be messy, helpless wonderful boys. Being a mom is my greatest joy - but it is a job like no other!
Hil Gibb
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143
Award-winning Children's Author
10/09/20 at 2:37PM UTC
It certainly is a job like no other! Working with many, many Mums over the years (and being one myself) the sustainable, working model has been to choose a couple of things at a time for the children to have complete agency over ~ starting small and easy. It's all about progress towards independence, and this takes time and glitches along the way. Motherhood ain't for sissies! ??

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