Please excuse if this is lengthy and maybe a bit rambling. I've been working for, what I thought, my dream company, for almost 3 1/2 years. It started out great. I had lots of autonomy and support and built a great team and processes.
All of this changed when my boss thought I had made him look bad to industry friends. This wasn't true, but he wouldn't believe me. Why did he think that? Because people had sent him glowing praise about the difference I was making in our industry, how much people love me and why he should actually promote me. He saw it as a negative. He took my promotion away, hired another white man with less experience into the role, claimed I was "rigging" the process and finally, without any explanation or cause, took my team away and changed my role to an individual contributor. In my performance review he told me that I was rigid and once I've made up my mind about someone I am judgmental and come from malice. The problem with that statement is that this actually described him, not me.
Since then, life has been hell. I have been isolated, he and two other guys I voiced concerns about in the past, have banded together and have attempted to ruin my reputation with upper management and HR. HR only protects management/the execs, and even though other people voiced similar issues, they somehow pinned it all on me.
I'm left out of meetings, no one communicates with me, unless they have to, people smirk and message back and forth while I'm on video conference and they have taken any and all ability for me to succeed.
I have never gone to HR about any boss before. When things weren't great, I'd find another role and leave. However, two departments and a total of at least ten people decided to speak up about what they have experienced, and what they saw happening to me. They voiced concerns about bullying and blatant sexism and favoritism, so I was finally interviewed and an investigation has been launched.
Apparently, one of the abusers knows that he is being investigated, and promptly unlinked me on LinkedIn. They are painting me as a snitch, a traitor and a snake and I feel so heartbroken, because I'm known for my honesty, integrity and kindness. Being there is unbearable and it seems there are no openings for me anywhere else in the company, given that what I do is highly specialized.
The advice I need is for how I should proceed. I have been an ally and mentor to many women inside the company. There is systemic sexism going on, but people rarely or never are held accountable. If I leave, wouldn't that be giving up, given that I've told other women to stick together, never give up and speak up when they see injustice.
Yes, I have started interviewing and I'm on round three with a seemingly decent company, but my heart isn't really in it. I don't want to leave my current company. I am holding out for the chance that things might get better and that someone "rescues" me from this toxic department, and that somehow things will get fixed.
Some people have told me to stay, because "we can't afford to lose a woman like you." They told me that things always change and maybe a role will come up.
Other people told me to leave, saying that life is too short to be miserable and that nothing ever happens to bad execs. That it is always their word against ours and that my mental and emotional well-being are more important. Also, one of my employees quit in protest and is joining the competition. Another female senior leader left after 15 years citing systemic sexism. In yet another office, they've lost literally dozens of women who all walked out.
I'm really torn, really sad and afraid that other places will be just as bad or worse. I've lost a lot of my confidence and feel incompetent and useless. I'm an empath and all of this negativity and meanness has gotten to me.
What should I do? Is it worth it to stick around in hopes that things change? Has anyone ever seen it change or get better in places where sexism is rampant and protected? Is D&I just a concept or are there companies who actually mean it?
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I'm speaking to my manager about the possibility of growing into a higher position on the team in the future.
I'm highly interested in this position and expressed this to my manager a month ago, asking if I could shadow one of the team members in that position to learn more. My manager stated we would review at our meeting (which is tomorrow). Thoughts?
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Has anyone gone through a vocational evaluation process where they try to determine whether you are underemployed?
If so, any tips would be highly appreciated.
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I am 66 years old and work in accounting for a company that owns several residential properties nationwide.
It is a very stressful environment due to my boss being a type AA manager. She is constantly expecting us to read her mind and try and understand what she wants us to do. She does not communicate well. When she is out on vacation we never have any stress. She makes a lot of us feel inept and we can't do our jobs. I have never worked in a department where no one wants to be there (6 of us). I know there are jobs out there I am torn between applying for a new job and staying there but I feel that because of my age I won't get any responses. Any advice?
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Reported sexual harassment and was subjected to intimidation tactics "Without a witness it's he said/she said" and now the cold shoulder because I refused to back down.
I no longer feel valued. PS our CEO is a woman.
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As one can see from the numberous comments, there may be legitimate reasons for the inquiry; From following company nepotism policies to maybe finding "background" or insight into this individual if she isn't precluded from hiring them.
If the latter, did you consider that she was "seeking" your counsel or opinion? That could be viewed a a compliment.
The more important question in my mind is why did this inquiry bother you? Enough so, as to post about it on social media? It may be worth your time to look inward on this topic. I am very serious. Obviously, I don't know you and therefore I don't know your history and experience. You may have been in situations that were unpleasant and left you feeling victimized? I am giving you the benefit of the doubt .... but only you can honestly answer that question.
What I do know is this is a sensitive subject for you and it is worth examining further for your own well being and growth. Consider this, even if this inquiry was motivated from some racial agenda, you will never change that by complaining to HR. If this situation was clearly racist or discrimatory you would "know it". Your position isn't being threatened by this recruiter. But how you handle could be. I am NOT suggesting that you sit down and shut up either.
In the future, I recommend when you have an emotional reaction to a situation you examine your response 1st, that you extend graces to the other people involved and assume the best possible intentions. There is absolutely no reason why you couldn't have asked the recruiter to explain her reason for asking this question. It could have been an "opportunity" for you to educate the recruiter. This might have been resolved right then.
One caution I will offer. We all tend to seek out those individuals that will support our point of view whether that be friends, family or even other co-workers. Be careful because these people will rarely be unbiased, after all they are YOUR friends, family and co-workers, and therefore cannot necessarily provide honest or accurate feedback.
I recommend in these type of situations professional guidance is a wise move. They will help you problem solve through the process and better prepare you for the future, whether that means understanding that all ppl are capable of making unintended gifts when it comes to race and culture or that this is a serious in fraction that needs reported.
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While in extensive interview rounds for two other companies, I was surprised by another opportunity this week.
I took the meeting as I need a job and wanted to give myself options but the more I spoke to HR, I could envision myself at the company.
This is the throwing me for a loop as although it's technically in the same industry, it's not an avenue I would have explored otherwise. The other companies are more aligned where I thought my career was headed but this surprising twist is making me reconsider my options.
I'm a big believer not to get ahead of myself and keep interviewing until receiving an offer but the new company is moving faster than the others. All three roles that start in January and I'm hoping that one of them leads to an offer but this twist is having me consider a new direction.