My manager has in the past said to me: 1) "I don't remember saying that.
" 2) "That never happened. " These were in response to earlier conversations in which he stated I really didn't have to follow whatever rule to the letter. Then when he observed me not following those rules and reprimanded me, I reminded him of what he had said. Of course, he is covering his butt.
Yesterday, the supervisor reamed me for a very minor infraction (yes, they are both picking on me). Now, if my manager talks to me about this, what would happen if I said, "I don't remember that conversation with Bob" to cover MY butt?
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76 Comments
Anonymous
01/04/21 at 3:32PM UTC
I would be cautious and document the direction received in an email to ensure your understanding is correct and to create a record to refer to in the future. There are many ways to manage the flow of communication and this is a good one to start with.
Sorry you feel picked on.
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2 Replies
Christina Navarro
47
Operational Risk Officer in North Texas
01/05/21 at 8:30PM UTC
This is difficult and I've experienced it myself. I've started to rely on covering myself by always getting decisions or guidance in writing. Good luck!
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dearannelee
19
01/06/21 at 3:28PM UTC
Yes, document, document, document.
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Anonymous
01/06/21 at 7:35PM UTC
And yet, even when I have things in writing, I have a manager who says it’s still not the case or she meant something else! And somehow she still gets her way and I’m left looking like an idiot!
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Melanie Hutchinson
83
Experienced Treasury Professional
01/04/21 at 3:50PM UTC
So I have made it a habit to send an email always, that States “ per our converswtion”. And always end with “ let me know asap if any questions or concerns.”
I have used this with customers as a credit and collections professional many times to document what was discussed and agreed to in a phone conversation. It has saved my @ss many times over the years. I have kept it up in my work in treasury now as well as I work for a large public traded company and I always document in case of audit. Audits are always the excuse I use.
Or if my boss tells me to do something that would need to be audited ( add this person as approved on the banks account), I always tell them I must have it in writing! Via email for example ( not text or messaging), I can take care of it straight away once have the request properly documented..
This sounds toxic so start keeping serious notes about this. In case it comes up with your HR later. Remember though you HR works for the company first, and not you as the employee.
I hope this helps.
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Erin Beemer
287
Product Developer | Change Maker | Growth Minded
01/04/21 at 4:13PM UTC
This. I do the same - document the discussion. If there was a misunderstanding, it can be cleared up or you have it for reference later.
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r francis
81
01/06/21 at 1:44PM UTC
Great advice! I always do the same thing - this way if they contradict what they say I send them the email with their acknowledgement. Works like a charm.
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Irene Jackson Henry
107
01/06/21 at 2:29PM UTC
Document, document, document. Keep a daily journal in an app so that you can demonstrate patterns of behavior.
I had a boss tell me once that he would swear on a stack of bibles that my documentation of violent harassment by a coworker didn’t happen. But I documented anyway.
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Jennifer Wuollet
41
01/06/21 at 5:35PM UTC
I agree with this 100%. I have accepted things in a chat but I print out the chat or email a copy of it to myself so I can find it later. Through a really terrible situation I learned, any chat messages can be used against you or for you in court and bet your butt that your employer keeps ALL of your conversations.
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Heather Cutler
184
01/06/21 at 5:58PM UTC
Great reminder about printing our Chat conversations!
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Frodo Ollie
33
01/04/21 at 3:50PM UTC
We are not allowed to use email to communicate (and it is not available at work), as this is an hourly, part-time job, and an email would be "off the clock." I would have to write something while I'm on the clock, and that would not be allowed because of the nature of the work.
You did not answer my question, but thank you for your response. I have documented two problems and sent them to HR so I would have a written account. Of course, that goes to my boss (anonymously, but he "knows" who sent it, which doesn't really help me), so I use that route very sparingly.
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Melanie Hutchinson
83
Experienced Treasury Professional
01/05/21 at 1:15PM UTC
So then follow the rules to the letter. If he gets on you about this you clearly in the right and not issue. But when you start going offroad it is a slippery slope.
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Anonymous
01/06/21 at 1:35PM UTC
You are absolutely correct! When has anyone ever tried to argue a fact, and didn’t look foolish.
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Anonymous
01/06/21 at 5:05PM UTC
I agree with following the rules precisely. I’m not sure what type of setting you’re in (office, retail, food service - how many people work there, etc.) but have you talked to others who report to the same manager and supervisor? Are they experiencing the same situations or do they witness what happens to you? I’m wondering if it’d be helpful to gather allies to help in reporting/confirming the behavior or faulty instruction. And is there anyway to document instruction in a notebook with the date and time of conversation? Just brainstorming, not sure if any of these are possible. I’m sorry you’re experiencing such a frustrating situation.
User edited comment on 01/06/21 at 5:06PM UTC
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Lesa Edwards
778
THE career expert for high achievers
01/04/21 at 3:50PM UTC
I agree re: creating a paper trail on these directions.
As for the "picking on me," while this may be true - how does it feel to think that thought? I fear that this thought is putting you in victim mentality - which then means your boss and supervisor are the villains. This victim/villain mentality doesn't serve anyone.
What if you rejected this thought and decided to think something different? For example, "My boss and supervisor are doing the best they can" or "I will ask for clarification when my boss gives me direction, so I can make sure we're on the same page."
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Frodo Ollie
33
01/04/21 at 3:55PM UTC
As I stated, what would be the reaction to my saying, "I don't remember that conversation," which is the same tactic my manager has used?
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Anonymous
01/04/21 at 5:32PM UTC
Frodo (a.k.a. anonymous) We cannot answer that question. Because we are not your supervisor, nor your manager. I'm sure you know how that answer would be perceived. What has been offered herein within these responses is genuine advice on how to better communicate and document directives and responses.
From the tone of your replies, you seem ready for a fight, and that is not going to aid you in your workaday world.
Suggest you review your part in the scenario and determine your best move (i.e. look for another job).
Best of luck.
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Anonymous
01/04/21 at 6:26PM UTC
Well said. Frodo - there are courses on Emotional Intelligence - that may help you on your journey.
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 2:03AM UTC
I'm 70 years old. This job supplements my social security. This is not a career. I'm not interested in taking Emotional Intelligence classes to deal with this. Too many other things in my life.
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Anonymous
01/04/21 at 7:39PM UTC
from your description of lack of allowed communication (company email being forbidden, it appears that direction and communication is one way) any subordinate communication is frowned upon and you are simply hired to accomplish tasks only. So given those parameters, I think the less said the better. Trying to cover your butt as you put it would not be welcome.
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Anonymous
01/04/21 at 7:43PM UTC
It sounds like a game of she said, I said.
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 1:40PM UTC
Bluntly? You'll get fired, in all likelihood.
This is a great time for you to start taking responsibility for your mistakes and stop framing them as "they're picking on me!" (which shows a lack of EQ).
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Frodo Ollie
33
01/05/21 at 7:28PM UTC
IMO, EQ is borderline pseudoscience.
https://www.inc.com/quora/its-time-to-stop-talking-about-eq-because-it-doesnt-actually-exist.html
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 7:34PM UTC
So, you’re not really interested in ACTUAL advice then? GOT IT. Do what you want then.
For the record, you disagreeing with something doesn’t make that thing invalid. Your reaction is yet another sign of low emotional intelligence.
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 8:58PM UTC
Why would you have such a reaction? It's merely an article by someone (Ph.D clinical psychology) who disagrees with you. I read many article about EQ, and I tend to agree with this one (still keeping an open mind). I am a skeptic (usually considered a good thing) - and science-based. Unlike pure science (not believing X does not make it untrue, e.g., evolution), which is objective, validity is subjective. It may be valid to you, but not to others. EQ is not something that can be proven.
My "reaction" was an opinion. It said nothing about me not being interested in "actual advice." Your response to my opinion was a bit much. If this is how someone with a high EQ responds to an opinion, then perhaps my skepticism is warranted.
User edited comment on 01/05/21 at 8:59PM UTC
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User deleted comment on 01/05/21 at 8:22PM UTC
Anonymous
01/04/21 at 4:09PM UTC
As others mentioned, make sure to get directions in writing and especially orders to disregard protocol. It's better to have leverage in writing than only verbal command. I've been in a similar situation and you need protection in case your reprimanded. After a meeting, I've circled back outlining my plans and saved the manager's confirmations.
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Valerie Rieger
100
01/04/21 at 4:47PM UTC
I'm always leary of someone who tells me that I don't have to follow the rules. It speaks to their character. As everyone else has advised, I would suggest that you follow up those communications with a "per our conversation" email that ends with "please advise via email if I have not accurately captured our discussion."
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RondaS
32
Innovative HR Leader
01/04/21 at 5:28PM UTC
Hi...Happy New Year!
In response to your question: “What would be the reaction to stating I don’t remember the conversation”. My response to an employee making this statement would be to ask questions to understand: who, what, when, why and where.
If you truly do not recall...I would use this response. If you do recall...I would suggest you explain the situation honestly and truthfully.
I would also recommend you always follow policy, procedure and protocol...regardless of encouragement to do otherwise. If you are doing the right thing..no one can/should question what you are doing.
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Rosa Goes
123
01/04/21 at 5:30PM UTC
Your manager is showing bad behavior. He is not a good example to follow. If you start behaving the way he does, the problem will not go away. It will get worse; a blow up seems imminent (either by you or him). Even if a blow up doesn't happen, you will become like him and you will hate yourself. So I would stick to the rules and start looking for a new job. It will be a lot easier for you to explain to prospective employers why you are looking for a new job.
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Lourdes
49
01/04/21 at 5:32PM UTC
If Email communication is not possible, repeat what your supervisor(s) tell you back to them to make sure that you understand it correctly and tell them that you are going to write it down so you dont forget it. Keep a journal with the dates, times, and the names of everyone present so you can refer back to it whenever there is a conflict. Best of luck!
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Lincoln Ritter
83
01/05/21 at 1:49PM UTC
I have been in this situation with a toxic supervisor actively sabotaging our work and talking out of both sides of his mouth, etc. so I started keeping a log book (times or dates, conversations, conflicts, specific later retaliation)...and kept it goong for months until the constant conflicts with him & other employees reached HR & Labor Relations. When they interviewed me, I brought my logbook and let them look through it. He wound up dismissed, and I was offered a higher-paying position with one of the investigators! You can definitely do this pff-company time, either on shift breaks or keep your logbook in the car to record right after you leave work while it os still fresh on your mind. Once the offenses start adding up, the combination of potential accusations of agism & retaliation will have the owners/HR scrambling to make you happy to stay out of court.
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Karisa Karmali
737
Founder of Self-Love and Fitness
01/04/21 at 5:50PM UTC
Sounds like you're banging your head against a wall, is this a pattern?
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 6:14PM UTC
No.
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Reaching Goals
22
01/04/21 at 6:03PM UTC
I learned the hard way to follow up any in-person conversation with an email. Something like "pursuant to our conversation about X this morning, we determined/you confirmed/I let you know .. . whatever is appropriate. The last sentence was "if this is not correct, please let me know immediately." After I showed these emails (and lack of response in most cases) to whoever was reprimanding me, the problems stopped. Of course, one supervisor told me to stop sending him these emails. I just told him that I made it a policy to confirm any conversation, to be sure I understand the instructions. He didn't like it but was more careful. I don't have that job anymore, but still send those confirming emails. A coworker took it one step further and put read receipt on her emails to everyone because said supervisor was notorious for not responding to emails and claiming that he didn't get them. He sure didn't like that either.
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patty quan
31
CPA
01/04/21 at 6:05PM UTC
You should create documentations of what happens with him! "On this day, we met and he said this" - I would actually even suggest that one can do this during any meeting! CYA :)
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Frodo Ollie
33
01/05/21 at 1:49AM UTC
I am creating documentation. I have also recorded conversations. This is a one-party consent state, so it is legal. This is for my benefit, not to dramatically pull out the recording and say, "Aha! Gotcha!"
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patty quan
31
CPA
01/05/21 at 2AM UTC
That's good!
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Anonymous
01/04/21 at 6:31PM UTC
When I took over an office several employees would state that certain office policies were done a certain way. When I asked for the workflow in writing they couldn't come up with anything. I always made a practice of having workflows in place and documenting conversations. The point is
documentation is important no matter what. It reduces the chances of gaslighting. Documentation can also show a pattern.
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Sarah Stadtherr
344
01/04/21 at 6:37PM UTC
I used to review important documents with the boss and then return to my desk and write on the back of the document (or my working papers).
"01/02/20 15:00 (military time) RC said pay on 01/15/21" or whatever it was he said. Then on 01/14 I'd write the check and take him the check and document for him to sign. If he then questioned me "I'd say we talked on xxx and you said yyy". At least once he said to me "why would I say that? " I never argued with him, just went back to the file and showed what I'd written. He sure as hell didn't like it when I could catch him fxxxing up. :)
If you're REALLY being careful, or under great suspicion, scan those notes and email (using your PERSONAL email account) to your personal email as a digital paper trail. It's called CYA.
User edited comment on 01/04/21 at 6:39PM UTC
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Sarah Stadtherr
344
01/07/21 at 6:35PM UTC
I don't know about narcissism but he was an almighty jerk. I absolutely had to document everything that happened with him. It was excessive but **I** wasn't going to get caught by him saying I'd done something unauthorized by him or without his knowledge. Keep in mind, my office was directly next to his and I'd heard him FIRE people via telephone call with no notice. I used to represent the Company when someone contested firing or not receiving unemployment so I knew how dirty the buzzard was / could be. I was derned glad to get out of there!
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Marni Furtado
13
Honesty, Integrity, Compassion
01/04/21 at 8:24PM UTC
I smell narcissism.
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 1:55AM UTC
I think that is uncalled for and really not at all helpful.
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Marni Furtado
13
Honesty, Integrity, Compassion
01/06/21 at 12:59AM UTC
I wasn't calling YOU a narcissist. I'm calling the boss one. ?
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Frodo Ollie
33
01/06/21 at 3:42AM UTC
OMG! I'm so sorry. But I guess thinking that was directed at me might mean I'm a narcissist. Oy vey! LOL
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Melanie Hutchinson
83
Experienced Treasury Professional
01/06/21 at 3:43AM UTC
Yes. I thought the same about the boss too.
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Anonymous
01/04/21 at 8:58PM UTC
It sounds like more is going on here. I wouldn't spend a lot of time crafting your response or imagining it's impact since the situation does not encourage interaction but rather management would rather not hear from you at all. Since you are feeling targeted, I would look for a new job. The manager and supervisor don't treat you like a valuable asset. So to answer your question, your response is really moot.
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Eve Koopmann Odar
81
Thoughtful people leader, mom and wife
01/06/21 at 1:06PM UTC
I 100% agree with this - look for another job, it is never worth it to go to a job everyday that does not make you feel supported.
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Anonymous
01/04/21 at 10:44PM UTC
I would look for a new job. Also if you can record conversations secretly that helps. Easier if you are on a phone conversation. Yes legality is questionable but if it's gone this far then an option.
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 1:54AM UTC
I am recording conversations (it is legal in this state). They don't really treat anyone as a valuable asset. My manager seems to be uninterested in his position (new baby, other business) and leaves his (untrained) supervisors in charge. I really don't think he will talk to me because he just doesn't care that much.
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 6:22AM UTC
Oh well....I question why you're investing so much time and energy in a part time low paying position where management treats you as disposable. Surely your life is worth more than this?
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Anonymous
01/06/21 at 6:06PM UTC
My thoughts exactly!
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Charlotte F. Polando
169
FGB Community Contributor
01/05/21 at 4:39PM UTC
This is similar to what I experienced with where I was at last year in my job. I would be very cautious, sounds like this person is trying to trip you up to fail. If you have a meeting or are giving instructions to do your job or a project. I would document it in a daily journal and send and email. The email would be like just to reiterate or a clarification of this persons "manager" instructions and meeting notes. This manager is only trying to make you feel little. This person is a bully , who gets a kick out of it. Making you his escape goat. Keep a journal, send him emails for clarification and project completions. HR loves this stuff. Good luck
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 5:28PM UTC
Recording conversations, documenting everyday activities? What is your end game here? This seems really toxic on both ends.
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 5:43PM UTC
As others said, always document. I'm the manager in this situation, but all the time I have direct reports skew or change what I've said. I always send an email after any conversation of consequence. It's not severe, harsh or event terribly detailed, but it lays out the facts: "Hi Jimmy, thanks for talking with me today. As we discussed the expectation is that....We need to be sure to..." etc. Always have the receipts ;)
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Valentina Huang, MBA, SHRM-CP
36
01/06/21 at 6:29AM UTC
As mentioned by many others, document every conversation. May seem like a pain and even unnecessary; until it is necessary. Follow up on directive conversations with an email. And also keep records of 'offline' conversations too. In the event these 'citing' become an issue, then you have a record for HR. Good luck!
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mary
108
Seasoned remote corporate recruiter
01/06/21 at 1:19PM UTC
i’ve been blessed with a great memory and I recently worked for someone who I don’t think had selective memory but certainly, I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt that she was very busy and just would state things to do or think things happened that didn’t.
I realized that this wasn’t going to change and some of it affected me seriously, so when I could put things in writing, I did but she not responsive to emails as well after three months I realized it wasn’t going to work out. However I do believe that managers can be forgetful and I also believe that they are offended by documentation and email direction , so I think you have to figure out if it’s an environment you want to be in and stay and live with it or leave
I don’t think some managers can be changed at all and some are willing to if you point out certain things.
I believe in documenting things on your own I believe in an email trail at least if you sent it and I do think these things weigh heavily with HR in a case where you had to present your concerns the person with the most documentation is the person that they lean towards
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Christy Norelli La Sala
11
01/06/21 at 1:20PM UTC
As a supervisor myself, I would never advise anyone to not adhere to policy. As an employee I am very familiar with my companies policies and would also never do anything that violate them even if upper management instructed me to UNLESS I had it in writing to do so. That being said, trust no one and always cover yourself. That doesn’t mean take short cuts or minimize your part I’m not adhering to guidelines. That mean doing everything exactly how you should so they cannot come for you. You have to have your own back. Good luck.
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BN
19
01/06/21 at 1:39PM UTC
Just to add to this if you are concerned about formalizing things via email sometimes text message will work. You could just say "hey I know you said I could do x but I just wanted to make sure that we're still good."
It's not ideal but it's good to have it documented electronically. That said if they are telling you to go against the company policy, you definitely want to document it even if it's to your advantage.
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Meg
11
01/06/21 at 2:13PM UTC
I echo others in saying that documentation is your friend. Email to followup on any direction you receive (whether the direction breaks protocol or not) and keep a diary (for lack of a better word) detailing your interactions. If this is ever elevated to HR from a performance standpoint, you won't miss a beat. That being said, my advice is to simultaneously evaluate what you want out of your career, and if your current position at this particular company is a good fit (communication, management, dynamics, etc.). Keep your resume polished and reconnect with your network. As tough and stressful as this may be, I'm rooting for you!
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Paula Schuler
42
01/06/21 at 2:44PM UTC
Hi Anonymous,
In the past, I had similar experiences with people in my church, at work, and even in my family. I tried to be positive. I would listen to what they said and actually examine my actions, my motivations to determine my culpability. Oftentimes, I found the criticizers to be incorrect in what they said about my actions and motivations. Nonetheless, I practiced the recommendations of others. Forgive. Be patient. Be positive. Overlook. They are having a bad year. So, I was encouraged to sweep things under the rug. This went on for years and years in different situations. I was never encouraged to exit, to take care of myself, my person, my mental health. Or, when I did not see a way to exit, I found no insights from others that actually helped.
What I did not realize until too late is there is something called "gaslighting" which is an abusive behavior used by people to control or render others into submission or pliability. Indeed it is a form of bullying. The person receiving such treatment with sincerity and humility over time ends up doubting almost everything they do. The gaslighter convinces the recipient she shouldn't feel this or think that, she is wrong here and wrong there. It wears her down. At the end of years of gaslighting and trying to comply, the person being gaslit ends up in a situation of confusion, bewilderment, a sense of lostness, helplessness, and usually depression and/or anxiety. I experienced this journey a long time ago. I have since become aware of gaslighting, and how that happened. I've become more mindful and in tune. I did feel harassed or needle by some. More frequently, I simply felt wrong or that I was unable to satisfy the requirements needed for situations with different gaslighters. Over time, my self-esteem was worn to nothing. My self-efficacy shattered. It was a cultural norm for the groups of people with which I was engaged and I saw little danger because I come from a family that does the same.
That said, sometimes a person simply needs to escape for the protection of wellbeing. Gaslighting can be really subtle, but that does not reduce its impact over time. I encourage you to do some reading about gaslighting or visit a therapist to help you determine if this is happening and learn the potential of its impact on you. Therapists or counselors have been helpful for me when I found myself bewildered and needed insight for how to approach a challenge. This will offer insight one way or the other, how to stay or how to leave. Employee assistance programs (EAP) offer free visits as a benefit at many companies.
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Jean Neuhart
49
For A Day Your Heart Will Never Forget!
01/06/21 at 2:50PM UTC
Don't get caught up in a game of who said what, you'll never win that. Own up to the minor infractions. Moving forward, always follow rules to the letter as best you can.
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Sydney Susan Hart
149
01/06/21 at 3PM UTC
Better than documenting in writing, record your interactions with your boss. Smartphones and smart watches have a record function built into them.
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Anonymous
01/06/21 at 4:56PM UTC
You have to be careful about recording audio or video since laws on recording meetings vary state to state and even if it is legal in your state it might be against company policy and you can find yourself on the street.
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mcasterlloyd
50
Dallas EA; Writer, Artist, Graphic Designer
01/06/21 at 3:31PM UTC
Ethically, it's wrong to not follow the company rules even when your manager tells you it's fine. You are setting yourself up to be a scapegoat. We have ethics training at my corporation and we are told that even if your manager tells you to do something that is not right, it's the person who is performing the action that will be in trouble.
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Anonymous
01/06/21 at 4:55PM UTC
Been there myself, only in my office it was "I'm not sure how that became a thing". I bought a nice fancy formal journal (like you find at Target or Michael's) and started carrying it with me to every meeting and conspicuously taking written notes. I also emailed a daily recap from my work email to a personal email account so that I had a "daily journal" with a time date stamp (I also used this to track my accomplishments and work for use in my review and resume). Lastly, ask your boss to send you a reminder of such by email - in essence get them to put whatever in writing so you can refer to it later or bring it up as a "so this is no longer the case?" clarification reminder. In my situation , eventually, an anonymous complaint was filed against my boss and the detailed documentation that myself and others had gathered did result in disciplinary action.
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Kim Raper
41
Sr. Technical Architect in The Great State of NC
01/06/21 at 4:56PM UTC
Sadly the answer is document, document, document. Even the smallest detail, its a shame but no one will take care of your interests by you. once you do it a while, it becomes more of a habit and less effort. I would however, always follow the rules regardless....removes that grey area from the picture.
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Maggie Walker
154
01/06/21 at 8:22PM UTC
As I mentioned before in other posts, I worked for private practice attorneys most of my life. With private practice attorneys come their spouses. One wife was openly hostile to her own mother most of the time I worked for her husband. Her mother came to visit, but prior to the visit, the wife called me, specifically, and encouraged me to be as rude as possible to her mother. I listened to what the wife said, but I just couldn't do it. It would not have made any difference to the attorney, but it made a difference to me. My personal integrity would not let me purposefully disrespect the woman. Not that she didn't accuse me of being disrespectful, because that was the kind of person she was, but I treated her just the same as all clients who came into the office. (Clients who, by the way, thought very highly of me.)
My point being, there is a point of personal responsibility in following or not following rules/protocols. Just because you were given off-hand, casual permission to be lax in the rules does not mean there is not a reason for the rules.
I agree with the advice to document, but just because you were told to be lax about the rules does not mean you should be let off the hook.
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Anonymous
01/06/21 at 9:12PM UTC
Wow who lives like this where there are gaslighting agendas around every get together and recording conversations is the agreed upon solutions? How very unhealthy and strange for sure. I would run as fast as I could from everyone involved. I don't live in that world and feel sorry.
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Anonymous
01/07/21 at 2:17AM UTC
Same as everyone, this has happened to me not just by 1 boss but 5 people: 2 bosses, my employers( married couple) & 1 co-worker who "invested" on their "good side" (she's much younger and I had 14 years seniority. )
Once I started following up by email, they actually said to me "no need to follow up by email" to which I replied "I prefer not be burned again."
Gaslighting didn't stop completely but they have become much more calculating i.e. they validate each other's recollection.
Simply continue to email. They can & will choose not to respond, swipe the "I didn't see the email" card but at least you put it in writing. Hopefully when the world has settled down and opens up, we all find a much fair and decent work place.
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Kristin Johnston
57
Senior Digital Marketing Lead
01/07/21 at 1:54PM UTC
I echo what others have said here. I have been in this exact position a few times in my past and the most important piece of advice is: DOCUMENTATION is your best friend. I'm talking every piece of information you can get in writing. Sometimes you even have to reply to someone in person or IM with: can you shoot me an email over this to discuss further?" and that will force the documentation. No one should ever have reason to say no to that request.
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LadyGolden
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01/11/21 at 4:45PM UTC
If its said verbally, just email the person back saying "just to make sure I understood correctly, this is what we discussed.. and I need to.." - even if they never respond back, you have the date\time stamp to back you up!
It is almost disheartening to read the number of people who have had this exact same issue. I read this post and my first reaction was "Me too! and You need to Document everything, in email" -
78 replies to the OP later, realize that "I don't remember" is just an intimidation tactic used by men (at least in my case) to keep women "in line"
I have had this happen to me multiple times, some incidents that were truly spectacular - a cross country move that was approved and then once move was underway they came back to me with "but we didn't approve"; Luckily I had multiple emails to my boss informing him of the request to move by a Sr. Partner, the status of the request, etc.
The other was promised promotion & raise if I didn't quit the company - "just wait, you are our brightest, we are promoting you to the next level etc." - I was one of few critical resources; and then when things got sorted out and I followed up on the promotion\raise was told "You are a woman, single, why do you need a promotion" - I still regret not recording that conversation.
Hang in there. If they are doing this to you, it means you are being effective, are competent and scaring the shit out of the "guys"
Good Job! You Go Girl! :-)
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