If its said verbally, just email the person back saying "just to make sure I understood correctly, this is what we discussed.. and I need to.." - even if they never respond back, you have the date\time stamp to back you up! It is almost disheartening to read the number of people who have had this exact same issue. I read this post and my first reaction was "Me too! and You need to Document everything, in email" - 78 replies to the OP later, realize that "I don't remember" is just an intimidation tactic used by men (at least in my case) to keep women "in line" I have had this happen to me multiple times, some incidents that were truly spectacular - a cross country move that was approved and then once move was underway they came back to me with "but we didn't approve"; Luckily I had multiple emails to my boss informing him of the request to move by a Sr. Partner, the status of the request, etc. The other was promised promotion & raise if I didn't quit the company - "just wait, you are our brightest, we are promoting you to the next level etc." - I was one of few critical resources; and then when things got sorted out and I followed up on the promotion\raise was told "You are a woman, single, why do you need a promotion" - I still regret not recording that conversation. Hang in there. If they are doing this to you, it means you are being effective, are competent and scaring the shit out of the "guys" Good Job! You Go Girl! :-)

I echo what others have said here. I have been in this exact position a few times in my past and the most important piece of advice is: DOCUMENTATION is your best friend. I'm talking every piece of information you can get in writing. Sometimes you even have to reply to someone in person or IM with: can you shoot me an email over this to discuss further?" and that will force the documentation. No one should ever have reason to say no to that request.

Same as everyone, this has happened to me not just by 1 boss but 5 people: 2 bosses, my employers( married couple) & 1 co-worker who "invested" on their "good side" (she's much younger and I had 14 years seniority. ) Once I started following up by email, they actually said to me "no need to follow up by email" to which I replied "I prefer not be burned again." Gaslighting didn't stop completely but they have become much more calculating i.e. they validate each other's recollection. Simply continue to email. They can & will choose not to respond, swipe the "I didn't see the email" card but at least you put it in writing. Hopefully when the world has settled down and opens up, we all find a much fair and decent work place.

Wow who lives like this where there are gaslighting agendas around every get together and recording conversations is the agreed upon solutions? How very unhealthy and strange for sure. I would run as fast as I could from everyone involved. I don't live in that world and feel sorry.

As I mentioned before in other posts, I worked for private practice attorneys most of my life. With private practice attorneys come their spouses. One wife was openly hostile to her own mother most of the time I worked for her husband. Her mother came to visit, but prior to the visit, the wife called me, specifically, and encouraged me to be as rude as possible to her mother. I listened to what the wife said, but I just couldn't do it. It would not have made any difference to the attorney, but it made a difference to me. My personal integrity would not let me purposefully disrespect the woman. Not that she didn't accuse me of being disrespectful, because that was the kind of person she was, but I treated her just the same as all clients who came into the office. (Clients who, by the way, thought very highly of me.) My point being, there is a point of personal responsibility in following or not following rules/protocols. Just because you were given off-hand, casual permission to be lax in the rules does not mean there is not a reason for the rules. I agree with the advice to document, but just because you were told to be lax about the rules does not mean you should be let off the hook.

Sadly the answer is document, document, document. Even the smallest detail, its a shame but no one will take care of your interests by you. once you do it a while, it becomes more of a habit and less effort. I would however, always follow the rules regardless....removes that grey area from the picture.

Been there myself, only in my office it was "I'm not sure how that became a thing". I bought a nice fancy formal journal (like you find at Target or Michael's) and started carrying it with me to every meeting and conspicuously taking written notes. I also emailed a daily recap from my work email to a personal email account so that I had a "daily journal" with a time date stamp (I also used this to track my accomplishments and work for use in my review and resume). Lastly, ask your boss to send you a reminder of such by email - in essence get them to put whatever in writing so you can refer to it later or bring it up as a "so this is no longer the case?" clarification reminder. In my situation , eventually, an anonymous complaint was filed against my boss and the detailed documentation that myself and others had gathered did result in disciplinary action.

Ethically, it's wrong to not follow the company rules even when your manager tells you it's fine. You are setting yourself up to be a scapegoat. We have ethics training at my corporation and we are told that even if your manager tells you to do something that is not right, it's the person who is performing the action that will be in trouble.

Better than documenting in writing, record your interactions with your boss. Smartphones and smart watches have a record function built into them.

Don't get caught up in a game of who said what, you'll never win that. Own up to the minor infractions. Moving forward, always follow rules to the letter as best you can.