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Anonymous
11/07/20 at 3:17PM UTC
in
Career

Frustrated (LONG POST)

I was laid off in April, and began freelancing with a consultancy that serves a number of organizations in my former industry. My colleagues are great, my portfolio of clients is diverse and full of smart, passionate people. The job is fully remote for the foreseeable future, and likely to remain so for a while. There hasn't been enough work to be full time, but I consistently say yes when asked to join a new client team, so they have been offering me more to do and more responsibility. Still, due to COVID it hasn't been full time, so it's been a struggle financially. In July, a former colleague who I hadn't spoken with in over 10 years called to say she was retiring from a Director slot in the field we both worked in, and that she put my name forward for the job. I interviewed and was told I was their choice, but that there were some bureaucratic hurdles to clear before they could bring me on. The salary and title bump were significant, and I was excited to join the staff. That was July. I am not yet on staff. I have repeatedly requested updates, only to hear "it's not in our control." I met with personnel 8 weeks ago and was told to send my transcript and proof of my freelancing, which I did. Then silence. Last week, my future supervisor called in a tizzy that they need me on board right away because they have a big deadline due. I reminded her that I was waiting for THEM to approve me. There is no remote option, although my office is private and isolated. She then told me that the salary that I was quoted by HR was $7K more than what I was going to be paid. When I expressed my disappointment, her response was "Well, it's still a lot of money, and still more than you asked for." That's true, but (a) I am a single income household; (b) I have a child with special learning needs who I have to make arrangements for and (c) I have been without a steady income for six months because I was told I would be brought on board any day. It's like the right hand has no idea what the left is doing. This week, they finally called to schedule my physical, and I went in to meet unofficially with my coworker, who I've also known for 20 years. She and I went over the upcoming project and she gave me all the things I need to get started. I'm not officially on staff, but this is a heavy lift and it funds the whole program. If I don't do it, there is no one to do it, and it's due mid-December. All in all, I'm annoyed by the bureaucracy, and the lack of authority my supervisor seems to have makes me wonder how I'm going to get anything done. My friend who advanced me for the job has been curiously close-mouthed except to say "you get used to it." Recently, the consultancy offered me the chance to take the lead on a client, and I told them about this new position. They countered with more money, subsidized health benefits, and the promise of more responsibility, better title and more hours, still remote. I'm waiting for all the details, but my inclination is to take what the consultancy offers if it's better or comparable to the other job. It gives me more autonomy, and more diversity in the work I will be doing and skills I will be building. They pay for professional development and for bringing in new clients and offer a highly flexible approach to time off. I'm trying to keep an open mind about this job in case the consultancy does not come through (although I expect they will). Questions: Do I start the job I don't want, do the project and then resign? I want to give them lots of time to find a replacement, since their process takes so long. I am worried that the exit process will be as long as the entrance process. Or do I do the project gratis, turn it in and tell them I'm not starting? Do I tell them that their bureaucracy is why? And I am feeling bad about my friend and my colleague who are excited for me to run this program. But I am so deeply aggravated by the time this has taken and all the interactions I've had, and don't think it's the right work environment for me as I am now, even though it seemed like a great fit 6 months ago. I have a low tolerance for inefficiency. How do I break the news to her? Thanks all...I know this is long; it's all the stuff swirling in my head.

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Kimberly Olmo
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260
11/09/20 at 3:55PM UTC
I think the uncertainty and disorganized way in which you’ve been treated thus far sadly may be the way they do business. You seem to have a good thing going and if they are good with flexibility and benefits that is the most important thing right now. Stand pat. You can reassess down the line.
Amy Elrod-Lahti
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519
HR Professional | Coach | Consultant/Advisor
11/08/20 at 3:02PM UTC
Take the consultancy work! To me, it's a no-brainer. :-) Remember that how companies treat you during the interview process is a harbinger of how you will be treated as an employee. If they are disorganized and don't value your time when you're a candidate, they won't behave differently when you actually work for them. Personally, I would not want to jump into a situation where, because of unnecessary inaction, you're facing down a tight deadline. Especially if you have another option. I totally understand what you're saying about your friend and I empathize, but let me just bring forward: this is business, it's not personal, and she should understand that you're making the decision that's best for you and your family. I know for me, a flexible approach to time off is worth many thousands of dollars in salary and benefits, because time is what I am usually most in need of. Good luck with your decision!
Sima Matthes
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14
11/07/20 at 9:11PM UTC
Thank you everyone. I appreciate the chance to vent this and am grateful for everyone's feedback!
EmpoweredGirl582317
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27
11/08/20 at 1:52PM UTC
For this free work (ridiculous, you are not an intern or volunteer!) the potential “employer” that has been stringing you along needs to hire your current firm with you as less as a consultant, at least.
Dorene
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16
11/07/20 at 8:20PM UTC
This for me is simple: trust your instincts.
Anonymous
11/07/20 at 6:29PM UTC
"you get used to it?" That is a HUGE red flag as to how the way things are run. I'd thank your friend and then withdraw your consideration and go with the 2nd offer you were talking about.
Jennifer Carey
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15
11/07/20 at 6:16PM UTC
It seems that you are passionate about your current job/consultancy which is a plus with the current environment. Also, you current employer seems to value you by providing a counter offer. You should also consider the work/life balance of each position. The pending job may have some obstacles that could be challenging and lead to you being unhappy. My final thought is that if you are asking what to do, you already know the answer to your question; follow your instincts
Heather Miller
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23
11/07/20 at 4:31PM UTC
I'd go with choice #3, which you didn't describe. Gratefully accept the offer from the current organization. After giving your friend a heads-up, respectfully but clearly withdraw yourself from consideration at the organization where she works. They are disfunctional at best, leaning hard toward self-serving and uncaring toward their workers and candidates. You seem to think you owe them work on their project because they talked to you about it. They're the ones stringing you along and changing the offer. You don't owe them one more minute of your time.
Anonymous
11/09/20 at 12:33PM UTC
Spot on, Heather. Is that the voice of experience?
Laura E. Wendt
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145
Media Industry leader with global experience.
11/08/20 at 10:54PM UTC
Heather called it. Take care of yourself
Anonymous
11/07/20 at 3:54PM UTC
This is quite the situation. While you want to remain loyal to your friend and the pending opportunity to succeed her, the reality is that we are ALL trying to survive, period. If this was not a pandemic situation, and you were looking for work, you would likely take the firm offer giving you more of what you want, correct? The team had the opportunity to convert and move you forward months ago, and I’m not certain that you have anything in writing about this “impending” offer, it only sounds like “verbal” promises. Follow the surest path at the moment where you will be compensated well, have work flexibility (remote), and stability. Regarding what to say, you can offer that you are deeply appreciative of the opportunity and waited for as long as you could to move forward with them, however, a firm offer has been presented by another company and you will be moving forward to accept as they are ready to covert. You don’t owe them anything and similarly when Companies are ready to cut ties with personnel there’s no convenience offered to the employee; trust me, they will survive and figure it out. Remain loyal to the entity of self preservation especially in these times. Wish you much success in the route you choose!
Cayley Rice
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39
11/07/20 at 3:46PM UTC (Edited)
I think a succinct recap is: you love your job, they appreciate you by giving you meaningful opportunities and have increased your benefits package appropriately and sufficiently for your capability and meeting your needs, and they are very flexible with work location, which sounds likely important given a child and a pandemic. On the flip side, you have another offer that hasn't materialized from a company that changed their mind about your salary and wants you to work for free because they can't get their act together (if we're really giving them the benefit of the doubt). Do not do work for free unless you are passionate about it or it will really build your network or experience in a way you need. You have plenty going on as it is, and guilt is not a good reason to take this on. I was be be direct with the friend, saying that because the company has taken so much time you found a more stable and better offer that you've accepted, and you really appreciate her recommending you. Pick the job that works for you- from your words, it really sounds like the consultancy. Maybe they can hire your consultancy (and you) to meet their deadline... but you owe them nothing.
Jessica Parker, PMP
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140
♦ Technology Leader ♦ Author ♦ Entrepreneur ♦
11/07/20 at 3:45PM UTC
You need to decide which option is best for you, which includes considering the work environment. Your work environment impacts your health and you have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of those who depend on you. If you already have decided you don't want a particular job, why would you accept it? It won't be good for you or for them. Delays on their end are not your responsibility. It is absolutely reasonable to share with your friend who referred you what you decided and why, along with thanking them for sharing the opportunity with you. If you need some guidance on how to have effective difficult conversations, check out the Vital Smarts website/YouTube or the book "Crucial Conversations."

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