Let me first say, for some time now I've been following this great online community that inspires and encourages me that we as women often go through similar challenges in the workplace and I've found some very helpful tips to help me cope. Thank you all for being transparent about your work lives, for someone like me, it helps, a lot.
Secondly, let me say this might get a little long so I apologize in advance :)
Okay, a little background about me, (just for backdrop) I graduated suma cum laude with my associates degree in computer support and network administration, before I graduated, I worked as a contract lead / project manager for six months before I started working for this private IT company based out of Chicago. Long story short, I've been working for this company for over 5 years now as the dispatcher / coordinator where it is my job to dispatch out tickets and job duties to everyone in the organization of which there are less then 20 people. This includes projects, critical outages, servers being offline, purchases, new hire setups, terminations, firewall configurations, office moves, new internet switchovers, not to mention the everyday password resets and other technical issues that can arise for any company (never a dull moment I assure you).
I said all that to say, there have been so many instances over the years that would have me to think that I am not being valued as a co-worker. In five years, I've never called in, I show up on time, I'd like to think that I'm reliable, every review I have, I'm told that our clients love me, and have even had many clients leave glowing commendations to me and members of management but I never get a kudos from my team publicly. HUGE major changes that are taking place with our clients and our staff on a daily basis I am left in the dark on, and of course, the responsible parties are silent when things go awry and I'm the one who gets the angry telephone calls and emails because something that I knew absolutely nothing about has hit the fan, when all of this could have been avoided or at least brought to my attention during the planning stages but upper management members of my team somehow feel that I don't need to know and they fail to SHARE these things with me.
I'm over 35 and I'm working what would appear to be a dead-end job for me. I give myself these pep talks while I sit in my office sometimes crying or on the verge of tears that say "I am more then this job"... "Be the change you want to see."
I "try" not to make it about my race, (oh because did I fail to mention that I'm African American too)? Without being 'that person' what am I missing? Any other points of view are greatly appreciated. Am I just over thinking things with a negative outlook? Am I being unreasonable?