women for women

Question

Can you share one positive and one negative instance on diversity - by women, to women? At times, I feel women fix each other's crown, but also topple them as fast. Thoughts?

Barbara Brown · Answer

I try my best to be the fix the crown kind of co-worker, but too often women feel like they have to compete. Maybe from working in a man's world for so long. And there are too many mean girls who can't seem to figure out how to support.

Christy Schwartz · Answer

Such a hot topic for me, especially right now.  I personally think some of this comes from lack of compassion and empathy.  Many women do not think the effort into their success by another woman is genuine.  When you combat that with other feelings regarding lack of self worth then we have women who don't trust women.

My mentor was not a women, but what he helped me see was the women that supported me and those that did not.  He told me never to forget how my boss (a woman) made me feel, how she spoke to me, how she ignored me so that I could prevent myself from treating another woman that way.  That stuck with me.

Angelica Tara · Answer

Taylar I'm watching this Ted Talk right away - from sabotage to support :) It's wonderful that you put it out here so objectively. You have so much positive energy to share my dear. All I can say is don't let anyone stop you. Ever. Love & Light.

Taylar Tocco · Answer

It’s really disheartening that some women feel the need to tear other women down. I think one of the reasons for this is fear, and that is because some women feel there is not enough room at the table for another women that performs a similar role, as they don’t want to share the spotlight. I can only speak from my experience, as I’ve experienced this throughout my life. I didn’t realize that I was being bullied, until I continued to research and stumble upon articles that reaffirmed what was happening to me. My problem is that I never faced it head on, so by me not saying anything, made it okay for them to continue.

One of the articles that I found was from Forbes, and it talks about bullying in the workplace by women. According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, which was sited in the article, women bully women 80% of the time.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/heidilynnekurter/2020/02/19/women-bullied-at-work-heres-why-your-female-boss-dislikes-you/#4b14adec654b

I most recently, came across the following YouTube from Joy Wiggin’s Ted Talk, and it was very insightful, as to why women sabotage other women.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx4GsC6Zheg

Kimberly Moon · Answer

In my experience, there is just as much putting each other down as there is building each other up.  I think it has to do with feeling like we are each other's competition.  Usually, this is not true, but even if it is, there is no need to put each other down.  Despite the backstabbing I have seen within groups of women, I have found more issues with men being sexist and bullying female colleagues.

Xiomara Henriquez · Answer

I believe there is room for everyone in the world to succeed and try to help when I can. Unfortunately i've had coworkers put me down in the past for being a mother, stating I would never succeed for having a child and for going to non prestigious college. On the other hand i've met many wonderful women that helped me during my career change and gave me lots of tips on how they balanced their careers with motherhood.

I love to celebrate other people's success and support other women. The night sky shines brighter with a million stars than just one.

Allix Stewart · Answer

I used to work almost exclusively with women - the women I worked with that did not work above me and were on my same level were wonderful and I had good relationships with them that were very supportive given the work that we did. However, the women I have worked under and have supervised me have ALWAYS (in all three circumstances) actively prevented me from proving myself, moving up, and bettering myself professionally.

I had a great idea for implementation at my last job and even though I created an entire training for it and presented it, my  boss told me I wasn't allowed to call  it a training or say I conducted a training, and then basically took the work away from me and someone on her team from a separate department then spearheaded something similar soon after  that I had no involvement in despite verbally asking multiple times if it was something that had any potential. Another female supervisor actually told me she literally gave a job to my coworker (which I had been explicitly told I would have the opportunity to interview for) to because she knew I had health concerns - even though everyone on my team did and 
 they were exacerbated by being severely overworked.

Yet conversely, I consider one of my past female teammates to be a good friend and she wrote me a letter of recommendation that helped me get accepted into grad school.

It's really discouraging for me that I've had this experience, and even more so that I have had three male supervisors and ALL of them have been phenomenal and receptive. I hope that I don't continue to see this as a pattern, but even more so it makes me dead-set on NOT being that kind of boss to the women I end up supervising.

Avery Smith · Answer

I once had a female colleague do this one simple thing for me, and now I try to pay it forward whenever I can...

It is no secret that women are often not given proper credit for their achievements (attribution bias). I once had a female coworker speak up during a large meeting, acknowledging the hard work and leadership I had put into a project that overall had been successful. If she hadn't done this, I don't think my managers would have even know that I was involved in this project. It was so relieving to be given proper credit for my hard work.

It meant a lot to me, and now I try to seize every opportunity I can to do the same for other women. It is so important to celebrate successes and champion other women!

Anonymous · Answer

I had a job with a great company. My boss's boss was a woman and she was so supportive and so was my boss. A year later a woman with ABSOLUTELY no experience in the industry was hired in a lateral position by someone else who reported to my boss's boss. (She was his friend's sister) Industry terms went over her head and even simple math was difficult for her. She sent incorrect billing statements. Communications were incoherent and she stole other duties from others so she would look like a hardworker. She would report to work at 7am.

I did not make it a secret I didn't want to hire her for the position and it got back to her. This woman threatened me and stated if she saw me outside of work she would fight me (Let's be very clear, our positions were senior level technical positions with a major Fortune 500 company) Well, I took that with a grain of salt and didn't go to HR because I knew if I did nothing would be done and although I look meek and mild, but don't be fooled. I would have cleaned her clock if she touched me. But it didn't come to that.

About a year into her tenure, out company was purchased by another company and everyone started abandoning ship. When she left the truth can to light. She had screwed up data reports, vendor contracts, billing statements, and neglected some of her duties from day one.

2 of us (both women who got along)  stay until our last day of separation, cleaned up her mess and trained the new people replacing our team.  Our severance was very generous and our bonuses were reflective of our hard work.

There will be women who are threatened by other women in the workplace. Just be professional, watch your back, do your best and the truth always comes out about who people really are!

Angelica Tara · Answer

That's right Kimberly. It's for us to stay strong and importantly, not undermine our own selves.

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