© 2022 Fairygodboss. All rights reserved.
Told to be Quiet
Yesterday afternoon, a female coworker who has a similar position as I told me that it’s in my best interest to keep my opinions and comments to myself. When I lived up north, I shared mine with a longtime employer which became an interesting point of discussion although I wasn’t management. My job now is non managing and low hierarchy plus being from another part of the country, I’m looked as being less although I have a MBA and Six Sigma Greenbelt. It might be their insecurities but it’s my job. Believe that I’m here for a reason now and there’s a purpose. They won’t get my business though. They feel it’s okay and to still expect it.
Have had too many jobs since my move and my age goes against me so I will keep quiet and focus on doing better.
Joan Kirschner
Copywriter – Editor – Instructor
82
10/20/20 at 10:29PM UTC
Keep believing in yourself. "Nevertheless, she persisted."
User deleted comment on 10/19/20 at 11:56PM UTC
Anonymous
10/19/20 at 4:12PM UTC
I am in a similar situation with Anonymous and, if Anonymous' work environment is like mine, here's what might be happening and it has nothing to do with sharing personal details.
I joined a large organization a year ago and was very excited. It was a great fit for me and I saw lots of potential to expand my company's impact in our community. Individual managers from other departments with whom I met (and continue to meet with) have lots of great ideas and are excited to explore and implement, so the issue within my department is not necessarily company-wide.
But here's what I began seeing within a month of my start:
- Department meetings where everyone was strangely mute and subdued. It was so weird and I couldn't understand how these very friendly co-workers were suddenly silent. Nothing exciting or innovative was shared, except for my own excitement...and I felt like a little kid in a candy shop except no one else seemed happy to be in that shop but me. After awhile, I started becoming quiet too cuz I began to feel like a fool.
- Lots of closed door meetings between the two department heads.
-Little to no information on prospective or current clients was shared or recorded, leaving people struggling to attract new clients - or keep current ones happy.
-Sales leads were suddenly yanked from their assigned individuals and taken by the two department heads.
- People scolded for going out of their lane by engaging, even in the mildest way, with sales leads. All communication - with potential and existing major clients was to channel through these two individuals, even if the clients knew other folks within the department.
- And utter confusion on my part why standard best practices were not being followed within the department.
Here's what I learned after several months there: department employees to a person were exceptionally skilled and had good ideas, but over time and sick of being told why they couldn't implement something or get special training or join a relevant networking organization or talk to so-and-so, they just stopped sharing ideas. And then they were criticized for not being more successful. In effect, staff was consistently set up to fail.
The long-time head manager, enabled by the second-in-command, had created an extremely toxic environment that wasn't immediately noticeable within the first few months of my tenure. People were privately censured for questioning directions, offering ideas or asking for specific training or tools to be effective, or ignoring suggestions or comments until it was too late. And then these same individuals were scolded for not reaching their goal. In effect, they were between a rock and hard place.
When I mentioned my observations to a trusted colleague, I was given the above history and then advised that I should be careful about what I share or say with the two dept. heads. They were trying to protect me from getting in trouble with the bosses.
Fortunately, the head boss left and a new director stepped in. Unfortunately, the same pattern seems to be emerging and I was told, in effect, by my new boss that while my enthusiasm was appreciated, I should, basically, "stand down" and do what they tell me to do....not what the customer wants or asks for or needs. (I'm not in the least bit "rambunctious," so my enthusiasm for anything could be mistaken for medium excitement or interest.)
So, I am trying my best to give my new boss the benefit of the doubt and to toe the line, respecting that my new boss was given directives from above and may just be trying to please the CEO. If I have any ideas or thoughts, I gently and privately offer them up as "just an idea" to my boss and - if approved - give my boss all the credit. I also tell everyone with whom I meet - and if possible I try to make sure my boss is aware that I've done this - that I will "discuss with my boss and let you know how the boss wants to proceed."
But honestly, it's a bit exhausting and I'm beginning to search elsewhere. I've generally been very fortunate to work in environments where the boss leads a team and encourages new ideas. After all, if we do well, the boss looks great. But this situation...yeah, not so much.
Leader556780Retired returned to the work as a SEE with EPA
122
10/19/20 at 3:39PM UTC
You should have answered Thank you for your opinion and comment. And yes, she is threaten.
Anonymous
10/19/20 at 11:19PM UTC
Agree
Vanessa Abron
32
10/19/20 at 4:13AM UTC
As a current business owner and former employee, I have to say that any job that looks at you as "less than" is a very unhealthy place. Check with your manager first to get his/her opinion on you sharing your opinions, comments and thoughts. My gut tells me that your boss may encourage it, and yet your colleague may feel intimidated by you. If your boss is supportive of your thoughts and opinions in the workplace continue to contribute and ignore your colleague. You are not there to impress your colleague. However, if your boss is not in support of you sharing your thoughts and opinions, try to find out why? This may give you some clarity. Maybe it's HOW you're giving feedback that's rubbing people the wrong way. However, if it comes down to you simply not being valued, I highly suggest moving on to another place of employment QUICKLY. I would hate for you to stay in a place that will slowly damage your psyche and self-esteem.
Anonymous
10/19/20 at 11:12AM UTC
Unfortunately, making the situation bigger than it already is will make me look bad. She explained why in more detail. It’s a bad environment.
RachaelHigher education admin
22
10/18/20 at 8:29PM UTC
Document everything but tell no one with whom you work. Last week I was forwarded an email from a colleague who referenced my feedback on a project calling it "dumb." That colleague is the same one who who shouted "enough" at me during a meeting a year ago. Not much can be done when toxicity and abuse come from positions of power. : (
Anonymous
10/18/20 at 8:35PM UTC
Thanks, I should. I have communication flagged in my inbox and notes written on my phone.
Tina WebsterSenior DevOps Engineer in Atlanta
61
10/18/20 at 8:01PM UTC
That sounds like the start of a toxic environment. Anytime I felt like I couldn’t speak my true work opinions, my time at that company began to grow sour and eventually, you’ll want to leave or become stressed from misery.
Anonymous
10/18/20 at 8:28PM UTC
That is likely what I’m going to do.
Pippa
48
10/18/20 at 7:54PM UTC
You write that you feel her intent was to be helpful, though you found it a bit unsettling, and it still isn't sitting right with you. Why keep guessing? Would you feel comfortable going back to her and saying, "Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me after the meeting the other day. I've been thinking a lot about what you said. I'm wondering if you can tell me a little more about why you don't think I should share my ideas. Are there some unspoken rules in our corporate culture that I'm not familiar with just yet? Are there preferred approaches/avenues for sharing ideas or effecting change that are considered more appropriate?" If her intent was to be helpful, these questions should be easy for her to answer. If they are not, that is a answer--and understanding--all its own. Trust yourself, your experience, and your instincts.
Peg Bittnerretired auditor now into volunteering
621
10/18/20 at 5:27PM UTC
I was in a similar situation. It wasn't my opinion that I was told not to share but my education and experiences that were muffled. I too came from years of service in a variety of industries and years within the organization. I also had two degrees on my resume, one in accounting and one in medical management. Every time I offered my input based on my prior experience and/or education I was shot down and belittled. I was told on many occasions that I was no longer employed at my past place I am no at my present place and have to follow their ways. So in other-words, shut up and do my work just like they have been doing wrong the longest time. It frustrated me and made me feel guilty all along. So when there was a massive paid volunteer layoff, I was one if not the first to volunteer. I wanted to get far away from this situation as I could. Lucky for me I was financially able to do so. I heard later they did a complete change of their accounting and billing system after I left.
Anonymous
10/18/20 at 6:33PM UTC
Things worked out for you which is hopeful for me. Change is inevitable that is occurring. The second generation is aging and the third generation of the original business owner will eventually sell or else overhaul the information systems.
Paula BrantnerAnti Harassment & Toxic Workplace Consultant
196
10/18/20 at 5:17PM UTC (Edited)
Some workplaces are highly resistant to change, and some cultures (not to stereotype about the South) cling to the past as well. There's this norm that "a Yankee isn't going to come in and tell us what to do." What level of "politeness" is expected may be maddening to those who prefer to speak more directly, as it can feel very passive-aggressive ("bless your heart.")
I would recommend keeping your head down and contributing to change however you can without drawing attention to it. I find it's always easier to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, so if there are things you can do to show your recommended approach is a better way, rather than having it shot down for mentioning it, then that may be a better way to proceed.
While personally I understand why that isn't a good fit for you and how you prefer to operate, if you need to stay there and ride it out, then just find ways to do your job and cope that don't involve brushing up against the status quo too much. Sounds like your coworker will let you know when/if it's too much for that employer's culture.
Anonymous
10/18/20 at 6:27PM UTC
Yes, I’m a northerner working for a family owned business where in my region of the State it considers itself southern. They aren’t changing although systems exist that are more responsive to customer needs. Clinging to the past is what they do. They don’t understand either why I shy away from some of their social stuff.
© 2022 Fairygodboss. All rights reserved.