I signed onto my job as a salaried individual contributor; my expectations were that I'd work 40-50 hours a week but it's turned into "get it done, no matter what".

38 Comments

1. Joan Williams, Senior Talent Acquisition SpecialistApril 18,2023 at 6:06AM UTC

   YOU SAID: "Unable to handle it?"

   Unwilling is not the same thing as unable. You need to do what makes you happy and what is best for you and your family.

   Would more time with your kids make you happier?

   Being miserable, for the most part, is a choice. CHOOSE YOURSELF! CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!

   What are you waiting for?! Fire up that resume and find a job that's a better fit for you. And if it turns out to not be the better situation you were hoping for, fire that resume back up and do it again.

   Life is too short to be unhappy. If you feel you need permission to make a change - YOU'VE GOT IT!

2. Erica MitchellApril 18,2023 at 9:24AM UTC

   You are not weak or unable. They lied to you from the start. I say it's time to move on and find a place where they have a good work/life balance.

3. AnonymousApril 18,2023 at 10:13AM UTC

   You sound like your self-confidence is completely shot.
   Step back from the continuous questioning.

   Regardless of every single thing and every single self doubt, this job is not a fit. Simple.

   If your work-life balance and children are a priority, then you must find a way to understand that you can't force a fit with this job. Their expectation is opposed to what you need. All the questioning in the world will not make it OK to short change your children because you fell for the "whatever it takes " b.s .

   So you need to find a better fit. Not the end of the world but if you allow self doubt to eat away at you, you might be tempted to stay and work 14 hours a day to try and make it alright. Before you know it your kids will be graduating from college.

4. Melissa NobileApril 18,2023 at 12:23PM UTC

   You were hired for 40 - 50 hours a week.
   When your 8 hour shift without taking your lunch is done, leave. Walk out the door. If they tell you you need to stay, tell them you can’t. The work will be there in the morning.
   Establish some boundaries.
   If they want it done, take some work home and give them an hour after the children are in bed - if you want to. Salary doesn’t mean you have no life. It means you can’t get overtime pay.

5. AnonymousApril 18,2023 at 12:44PM UTC

   I would check the state labor laws on that last statement. Where I live, salaried employees must receive overtime pay when they work over 40 hours per week. I know most states probably don't have this provision. Still, I think several are taking that stance since many companies put hourly positions to salaried ones so they could get out of paying overtime.

6. Elizabyth HarringtonApril 18,2023 at 1:00PM UTC

   Burning out because you are expected to work crazy hours reflects poor planning from management, not weakness on your part. Unless you are in an industry where you are literally responsible for life and death situations, there is really no need to be worked until you drop.

   I once took over a program from a workaholic project manager at a chaotic startup and discovered that everyone had been working 60+ hours for an entire year, yet the system was constantly breaking down and the client relationship was suffering. What did I do? I reset client expectations to be more realistic and told my team that my priority was work/life balance of my team and that overtime was off the table (except in case of dire emergencies - like the system completely crashing). Everyone stopping working 60+ hours, started taking long overdue vacations and/or catching up on their education benefits and you know what? Team morale improved, people stopped quitting, the quality of work was better, we met all of our deadlines and the client was much happier. I didn't have to use pizza parties or team-building events to show my appreciation or build a high-performing team. All I had to do was treat them like people with lives outside of their jobs.

7. Anne KrookApril 18,2023 at 4:00PM UTC

   It is not normal, and your company is not correctly staffed. There are of course times when this happens, but as a norm it is not OK. Update your resume and start looking. Once you have an offer in writing and you have resigned, you can let your current employer know why you are leaving (if you want to)

8. SamanthaApril 18,2023 at 4:45PM UTC

   100% not normal and shouldn't be assumed to be the norm.

   I also have 2 little kids 2 and under and I work 40-50 hours a week, but I set boundaries and leave at 4, I don't work weekends, I don't respond or send emails outside of working hours (sometimes I look). I only get 2-3 hours with my kids before I have to put them down and most of that is making dinner and putting them to bed. My last job had people who worked all kinds of crazy hours and I felt that if I wasn't doing that I wasn't doing a good job. But then I learned that that is an unrealistic expectation. Jobs will come and go but your family will not. Choose your priorities and set your boundaries.

   If you're not super attached to this job or company - find a job somewhere else that values work/life balance and having family time. You work to live, not live to work.

9. AnonymousApril 18,2023 at 5:28PM UTC

   Of course it's not every job right now. Is your employer trying to add more employees? Are you on a very lean team? I some what sort of struggle with that myself and honestly, I blame myself to a certain extent. Yes, I'm on a very lean team, and the last few months (basically since December if I'm being honest) it's been quite busy. And I've resorted to working in the evenings in my home office. Checking email on my phone more often than not. Week days, weekends, vacations. One of the things I've learned is that the more responsive I am, the more is asked of me.

10. KatApril 18,2023 at 6:34PM UTC

    I can't believe you've already wasted 3 years in this awful job! I'm sorry you got sucked into that "whatever it takes" mentality of your boss. You've internalized it to the point that you are blaming yourself for their problems. That has to stop-now. You're not stupid, weak or incompetent. The company is understaffed and is putting way too much work on too few people. Time to get a job that truly values life/work balance. Life has to come first, not work-especially when you have small children. Find a new job, quit and don't look back. Your life will change for the better once you're out of that mess.

11. AnonymousApril 18,2023 at 11:41PM UTC

    Run, don't walk to your nearest computer to update your resume, LI profile, and other job search items and start looking now. Good Luck to you.

12. JessicaApril 19,2023 at 3:40AM UTC

    Don't kill yourself over a job. People wear a badge of honor that they worked all weekend. Good for them... they don't have their priorities straight. You do. It's not weak. It's having realistic expectations. They do not have realistic expectations.

13. AmyApril 19,2023 at 12:36PM UTC

    This is 1000% not the norm anymore unless you work in retail (sadly) and if your employer wanted to best work out of their employees then they would care about your balance and home life. Maybe not in detail but they would understand that recharging and spending time with your family is just as important to productivity as being at your job.

    plus think of it this way. If you were to pass today your employer would start recruiting to fill your role within 3-4 days. Your family would be the ones suffering more than they probably are now.

14. AnonymousApril 19,2023 at 12:47PM UTC

    Get out. Family first.

15. AnonymousApril 19,2023 at 1:27PM UTC

    I can hear your discouragement and I totally sympathize. In recent years. I have found that most positions that offer a good salary and benefits expect the employee to go above and beyond.. I've seen it in every industry including the industry I work in, which was more humane. 30 years ago.... At some point, each of us has to decide how much a job and paycheck matters and be willing to take whatever sacrifice necessary to prioritize what is important.. You May or may not Find that the world Of work is Better working for Someone else... But what you need to do is create your own boundaries and live and work within those, regardless of what the employer says and understanding that you may have.To take a pay cut or a part time position... This doesn't make you weak. This makes you brave and courageous to do What's right and not have your life stolen from you for the sake of a paycheck...

16. QApril 19,2023 at 1:38PM UTC

    Even if you were single and had no children, this is the opposite of what you were sold when you took the role. You said you explicitly asked about this when interviewing and before taking the role. It sounds like your every day, which means it isn't just you, and your now employer lied through their teeth when they said it would be otherwise before you signed. Start looking for another role ASAP. Not all employers act like this and you can find a role where you have more balance. It's not unrealistic to be asked to work late to meet the occasional deadline. Once in a while is key. When every day is an emergency they either don't know how to run their business, or are greedy and refuse to hire the manpower needed to meet their goals. Either way, this place is not good for you.

17. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachApril 19,2023 at 2:44PM UTC

    Time to move on. This is costing you too much. And yes, there are employers who do care about your work/life balance. When interviewing, ask team members what they like about working there, and about the culture. How they answer should give you clue as to if the new company "walks the walk." If folks are happy and excited, it will show. If not, they'll hedge their replies. Good luck.

18. AnonymousApril 19,2023 at 3:28PM UTC

    Please move on. These are times that you can never get back with your children, spouse, family + friends, and yourself and if you stay, you will become a mythical figure to them.

    Irrespective of status (parent, single, married, etc), what you are being given now is not what you were sold for this particular role. Yes, there are companies that do have more of a work/life balance as this is not one of them.

19. Kristin BurnsApril 19,2023 at 6:48PM UTC

    Definitely look for something that is a better fit, but also, what's the worse that would happen if you just stopped working more than 40 hours a week. Figure out the most important things to be done and focus - really focus - on getting those done well. If your boss asks for more than you can do, ask them to remove something else. You will do better work and be known for your success in what is more important and if the other stuff is THAT important, your boss will have to figure it out. You are not a manager and allocating workload is not your job. Your manager has to do their job and figure it out. Please don't let this job take away time with you family (except those 40 hours you are paid for) since after 3 years you are not being recognized for that extra work - you are expected to do it with no reward.

20. AnonymousApril 19,2023 at 7:01PM UTC

    No worth it. Move on and you will come out ahead in the long run and you're children will appreciate that. They grow up fast. I was let go from a position because I chose my family. It hurt at the time but never looked back and things do work out.

21. AnonymousApril 19,2023 at 7:17PM UTC

    If this was not the expectation when you interviewed, then it's a bit of a bait and switch. Honestly, no one should be working more than 8 hour days, and even then not all 8 hours are purely productive hours. You should prioritize yourself, your family, and leave this company behind!

22. AnonymousApril 19,2023 at 8:11PM UTC

    I can tell you that from a minor grown kids, once they’re grown you can never get the time back you lost and you all suffer. There is no job worth sacrificing family or health for. You can do better and they should be ashamed on the bait and switch they pulled on you.

23. AnonymousApril 20,2023 at 11:09AM UTC

    Sounds like this job is not a match for where you are in life to be able to balance. That's okay. Find a position that allows you to have that time with your kiddos and NO not every job is like that with expectations. Look at your approach and flow and see if there's anything you could improve upon too. There's always room for improvement. I think it's a mix of areas to look at for you to see what works best for you and your family. There is more of a work/life balance business trend and your boss missed that memo. good luck.

24. Rebecca MillikenApril 20,2023 at 12:22PM UTC

    I agree with everyone who is telling you it's not worth it. Find a new position. Time goes by so fast with your little ones and you'll never get that back. And for what--a stupid work project? Bosses don't care what it's doing to your mental health and home life; all they see is what they want.

    Your employer doesn't have a responsibility for accommodating you; but good employers will take it into consideration. Also, they mislead you when you were hired.

    All good reasons to get out.

25. Annette AdairApril 20,2023 at 1:31PM UTC

    I actually gave my notice a few weeks ago to go back to a previous employer (they left my area back when the housing market dropped in 2009). I was a workhouse back then. The old place was going to be half the distance drive. It was a little more money. My current employer gave more more and a shorter workday. I am a salary employee.

26. Joycelyn M. SiameApril 20,2023 at 12:49PM UTC

    There is no problem from walking away from a job that doesn't offer you what you need, nor offers a work/life balance that doesn't meet your current needs. Please know, though I am not sure what industry it is that you work in, not every job nowadays is like this. I have a pretty well paying job in construction, and it doesn't sound as demanding as what your boss is putting you through, so have no fear. There is a job out there for everyone, but for you my dear, and I know you know this, this job is not for you, nor is it fair for you.

27. AnonymousApril 20,2023 at 12:50PM UTC

    It is not every job nowadays. I left a job where the expectation was 40-50 hours a week though it was not typically 40-50, more like 60-70. My health, family, and everything in life not related to work was affected. I made sure I had a job lined up before resigning. I work less - usually 40-45 hours a week. Each job has challenges - though I am much more happy and so is my family.

    I wish you luck in your decision!

28. AnonymousApril 20,2023 at 1:25PM UTC

    Employers will often take advantage of whomever they can take advantage of, and will often respect boundaries of "everyone else" who stands up for themselves, but who your employers claim are working just as hard. If it were me, and I were going to leave anyway, i might use the remaining time to practice setting boundaries at your current job and see what happens. Maybe it's just that you need to stand up for yourself, maybe your employers are biased, maybe you're just in an unhealthy work environment for all involved. You might as well find out, learn to recognize the signs, so you can be more informed about what you want and what signs to look for when you are looking at future options.

29. AnonymousApril 20,2023 at 2:08PM UTC

    I have seen this in many work environments as well. Those who set boundaries aren’t necessarily seen as working less. I would be clear about the top priorities for your boss and organization, be clear on your deliverables and timelines then focus on those and your boundaries. I’ve seen companies scoff at priorities but ultimately without prioritization nothing gets done well. Good luck!

30. AnonymousApril 20,2023 at 2:16PM UTC

    Hahaha. This is every employer. Unless you push back and set boundaries they will just take and take and take until you are totally burned out. Lip service is paid to life/work balance. And yes, salaried employees are seen as 'slave labor'. Sign me, been there, done that too many times.

31. AnonymousApril 20,2023 at 3:48PM UTC

    I’ve worked for 3 companies that are not like this. I’ve never had an employer like the poster is talking about. I’ve always researched companies through Glassdoor and social media to see what current and previous employees are saying about working at that company. If I see anything negative, I’m out. Chances are there’s way more than 1 person unhappy with the work life balance, as not everyone leaves reviews.

32. Meghan BApril 20,2023 at 2:21PM UTC

    It is absolutely not every job. I have in the past worked for teams and employers who didn't understand that when everything is an emergency - nothing is an emergency. I allowed one of those bosses, for example, to keep me at the office until almost midnight to re-build a file that was re-billing rejected medical insurance billing files. It wasn't the last day to send those files, we still had weeks before they would expire. In fact, come to find out, they wouldn't even be reviewed and sent on to the payor until after 11am my time the next day. I lost it the next day after I found out he'd insisted I not leave the office until the file was done when it wasn't even going to get sent out when I was done and had a slighty unprofessional email exchange with him and threw around phrases like indentured servitude. He was used to treating IT professionals like that because he'd been abusing people on very restricted work visas for decades, and I wasn't having it. I got out as fast as I could, and he was somehow shocked when I resigned a couple of months later and actually tried to keep me from leaving by offering me stock options and raises. I kept in touch with a coworker for a while after I left, and things never changed there. All of that to say, run, don't look back - there are places to work that are great.

33. Marcia SmithApril 20,2023 at 2:43PM UTC

    Time to look for a new job - this is a VERY toxic work environment. You will never get that time back from your family. Know what your priorities are and stick to them. Employers will try to get you to put them first, when they will NEVER be loyal to you when you need their support or help. Family always comes first - ALWAYS

34. Marcia SmithApril 20,2023 at 2:45PM UTC

    I should add that my employer is NOT like this. My son went to Thailand for a vacation and ended up having to have life-saving emergency surgery just 3 days into his vacation. I was in the busiest time of the year at my job. I called my boss on a Saturday morning to tell her that I may need to go to Thailand. She said that was fine - to go if I needed to...and they would figure it out and get by. They were EXTREMELY supportive and told me to do what I needed to do to take care of my family. Not every employer is toxic when it comes to family priorities!

35. AnonymousApril 20,2023 at 4:48PM UTC

    It's time to sit down with your HR person and the manager and let them know that this is not sustainable and that your personal life is suffering from it and that your childcare situation has changed and you can no longer do 12 hour days. Don't work beyond an additional few hours per week- agree to what those hours are. When you are given work to do plot it on your work calendar and commit to that time frame for the remainder of the time that you work there. Be VERY specific about the when and then turn off your phone and don't read the email. While this is going on definitely look for another position. When interviewing and asked about the why let them know that the current company is global and that their work hours are making you sleepless. Keep it simple and don't elaborate much beyond that. I think you need to balance and set boundaries for what you do no matter where you work. I call it the break in a new manager conversation. Sit them down let them know that nightly your family eats at 6 and you cannot work after that. Done and done.

36. Bridget HarringtonApril 20,2023 at 8:34PM UTC

    No, this is not every job. I have learned over the years that only the most toxic of companies make this the expectation. There ideally should be a work/life balance. An occasional 12 hour day is normal...all the time is NOT. It took losing my marriage and having my job (as in "her job is the priority, not being a wife or mother") brought up in a custody battle for me to learn that. And yes...it is massively unfair, but a woman who keeps those hours and has to fight for her kids will be discriminated against by judges (who are overwhelmingly male). I have since learned not to work with those kinds of expectations. If I am to work a 12 hour day, every day...the salary and benefits must be in line with that.

    Don't be me and make the same mistake I once did. Just because an employer "expects" something does not mean that they "get" that thing from you. You are under zero obligation to put your life and wellbeing on the line without it being explicitly compensated appropriately and put in writing. Depending on what you do for a living, you may also be due time and a half. There are certain laws in certain states that provide extra pay even for salaried folks who work above 40 hours. Your HR does need to know you are working under that expectation, because the company may owe you and others some extra money.

37. IntentionGirl299847April 20,2023 at 9:47PM UTC

    set boundaries. read your contract and never sign an ambiguous one that doesn't list your hours clearly. Right now, what does your contract say? Stick to the hours agreed on.

38. Nicola BanksApril 20,2023 at 11:05PM UTC

    My thoughts:

    Family comes first NO MATTER WHAT, then again it is one of my personal values...

    I would be having conversations around hybrid working - ie: you go into the office say from 9am - 4pm, then go home and feed your kids... pop them to bed with bedtime stories by say 7.30pm then jump back online until say 10pm.

    Working from home when the kids are sick (given you're getting the job done) should be something that you ask your boss to assist with.

    Having small children and working a 50 hour week can suck balls...

    The question is - do you love your job and the people you work with?