Performative allyship turns ugly
It’s a long story, but I’ll make it short. I run a DEI “workgroup” at my job, and have been doing so for the past year. I have been here for a little over a year, so yes, I, a Black woman, started it. As a group (but primarily me), we write statements on behalf of the company, lead trainings for staff, and have been working on changing company policy. I am in an entry level project management role.
Anyway, we had performance review/promotion review season in June and it was....unpleasant. With the exception of one person, every POC that applied for promotion was denied. I myself, when I tried to advocate for getting an additional merit increase for my work with the DEI group, was told that it didn’t qualify, but that my manager wrote into my review and said I did a good job - and that should be good enough. My manager also told me that the DEI work is just the kind of work people do to get noticed, and I have to accept that. I explained to her the historical context/emotional labor aspect that makes that problematic.
So, I told them I would be stopping my DEI work, since it was just extracurricular anyway to focus more on my projects.
My boss and our CEO (small nonprofit) proceeded to have an entire meltdown about this and asked me to consider staying. The workgroup and I devised some asks, the primary one being that they go back and review performance reviews and merit increases for the year and include the DEI group. We specifically said we were looking for compensation.
They got back to us this week after 6 weeks to say that they reviewed all the performance reviews and merit increases, and felt like managers did a good job the first time around....!
So I quit the workgroup....again. Now I feel like I have a target in my back and I’m stressed out! What do I do?
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