Performative allyship turns ugly

She spent a lot of time discrediting me and had done the same to others and driven out other employees that didn't bend to her will. It was a deeply demoralizing experience and I finally quit after having a sick parent and getting no support and being treated pretty ruthlessly. I'm glad I quit - and I'm starting my search...but the experience has really deeply affected my self confidence and my belief in my skills. I know I did a lot there and built many great things - but I'm struggling with pulling myself back up again. I wonder if anyone else has dealt with a situation like this and has any tips for moving forward again.

I've been a supervisor for years, and I'm currently in a role where I just have one direct report. I hired her late last year, and she started at the end of January. It's a small office, with almost everyone hybrid. I usually try to establish a good rapport with my direct reports and co-workers. I've always felt like work is a lot more enjoyable when you're friendly with each other. That said, I also know how to keep professional boundaries and address issues as soon as they arise. I've tried to be a good boss and possible mentor to my employee since she started. She originally moved to the area with a significant other. When they broke up, she did share that information with me. I did not tell anyone in the office, as it was not anyone's business. We had set up a monthly "offsite" meeting where we would leave at about 3 pm on a Friday for a happy hour as a chance to have a chance of scenery, talk, etc. My boss was aware of it and thought it was a great idea that he wanted to implement across the department. Other than that, the only time we've ever "hung out" outside of work was before she and her boyfriend broke up. I invited them out to dinner with my spouse months ago. She had been acting weird this week; I asked on Monday if everything was ok, and she said yes. Not the first time she's been moody with me. I've also had to talk to her about having "outbursts" in meetings where she disagreed; that's happened when other individuals have been involved, not just her and I. Today, she asks if I had a minute on messenger and I asked her what's up. She then calls me and proceeds to tell me the following: That she's been in therapy (which she had told me), that she had issues with boundary setting with her ex, that she's not currently speaking to her mother...so she "needs me to set firm professional boundaries with her." Then she proceeds to say some of our conversations "take a toll" on her because she "puts others' needs before her own." I responded that I respected what she was saying but did ask for clarification about the conversations. She just repeated what she said. I'm going to respect what she said, but I'm 1) saddened by this, 2) angry to a certain degree because I'm being made to feel as if I did something wrong, 3) disappointed that this individual obviously lacks the maturity to understand how important relationships can be in your career. I'm also worried I am going to feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her. I do want to clarify that I don't get super personal with her. She knows about my professional background, that I'm married and have 4 cats. She has been the one to share a lot of personal information. I've kept anything she's told me confidential and just told her when she was having difficulty to let me know how I could support her. I have really not tried to get involved other than if she needed to work remotely or have some time off to take care of personal things. I'm also disappointed because I have spent a lot of time teaching and training this person in an area that they had limited experience in. Again, I don't need her to be my friend or anything like that. I'm just sad because I thought we had a good working relationship and a mentee-mentor thing going on. I don't even know how we're going to have a conversation outside of "Here's your assignment. It's due by Date. Any questions?" My husband says it sounds like something going on with her. I've never seen myself as a transactional leader, but obviously, that's what she has indicated that she wants and I have to respect that. Any advice for further navigating this?

As a stay-at-home mom myself, I've been in this situation several times. And it's damn scary. Especially when it comes to updating your resume and cover letter. However, if you are thinking about sending a generic letter to save time, I would advise you to reconsider. Check out a recent article from our blog that highlights a simple process for writing a targeted, back-to-work cover letter: tps://bit.ly/41eSCF3

I am over 60 btw. I took an alternate to the posiition I had applied for because of the information given to me, which, I quickly learned, was an out and out lie. I needed employment at the time, but I do think they were gunning for me from the get go, as they let me go the week before my 90 days were up. I have seen so many dysfunctional medical practices out there and wonder if I should just forget about trying to work in one at all. Are any of them not toxically positive, as this place was, or just some other nightmare?

Personal work and life ruminations, critiques, and commentary. I wanted to share in case anyone was looking for a fun read: https://workinggirl.substack.com/ *please let me know if such a post is not allowed

I struggle with some challenges in self-worth based on others perceptions. While i'm working on it - it will be a lifelong challenge. I was hoping for some insight. I started at an organization that it didn't take long to see that it was a toxic work environment. I was seen as a threat by the sales team, and for the five years I was there, I had my ideas stolen, I was challenged at every turn, thrown under the bus and bullied. But let me say - I wasn't alone. They didn't treat anyone in the organization with respect, and unfortunatley upper management failed to address it. Anyway - I brought in millions of dollars, and the ownership knew that, even though the sales team did all they could to sabotage the data within the CRM - again, management failed to address it. Fast forward, the company is sold. The new company has its own Marketing in another country, and the new leader has NO idea about marketing or how it works. Even though the prior owner told them Marketing was the secret sauce to their success. I'm out of a job because the new leader was given incorrect data and not all of the data and she didn't feel it was worth it to keep me around. Never once did she ask for my insight, my thoughts on how to get the new brand off and running. She didn't want to hear anything from me. Mind you I had been given free reign to do what I needed to do after submission of my marketing strategy, planning and budget was approved for the year - the new owner micromanged me to death. But again, I wasn't the only one. In the six months she had me stop doing what I was doing, sales rapidly declined. In the months following my departure it increased, and she didn't understand why it was so slow I was told. Its been almost a year and there is no newly branded website, the sales team doesn't have business cards, no marketing AT ALL has been done. She did hire a contractor that used to work for me back on a project basis to help refresh the website (basically do what I told her she should do), but the cost is minimal. Why do I feel so rejected that I was the ONLY one to be let go. After all the abuse I had taken and the success I created, despite being loved by everyone else except the sales team, i'm the only one without a job. If I look back, I can see where she was setting me up to be let go. So I was on the cutting block since day one. I have to wonder is it this leaders ignorance, or did the sales team have me ousted and she believe them? The biggest scam artist got promoted. I would think maybe she had influence, but it turns out she's being micromanaged way beyond what I was. The new leader is basically telling everyone how to jump, when to jump and how high. If you don't wait for her direction, there will be hell to pay.