Sexual misconduct (trigger warning)

Question

Hi everyone. I am a 31 year old counselor and just made a few reports to the American Psychological Association and Equal Employment Opportunity Commission regarding sexual misconduct at a job. I went in with intentions of getting the remainder of my hours required for my boards. However, I was hit with a curve ball of sexual comments and objectifying behaviors.  I’ve worked very hard to get to where I am academically and professionally, oftentimes working four jobs at a time and sleepless nights to pay for rent/food/books/some tuition and study to achieve my 3.7 gpa.  I guess I need advice as far as how to move forward and not feel so defeated/blaming myself for being naive to not see the red flags while they were happening as well as never let this happen again. I have ambition of beginning my own practice to work with women who have been sexually harassed as well as children of sexual abuse. But when I hear these things, I can feel so defeated and overwhelmed- I guess it’s a reminder of how much work there is still to do with advocating. Thanks for help in advance!

Yvette · Answer

Thank you for reporting. That is brave and will make the path easier for another woman.

Keisha Jones · Answer

Hi Nicole,

First off, this is type of behavior is ridiculous but it does not surprise me. I agree with Judith (Most men get very defensive when you even suggest that their 'smaller head' is not up to par) .I would start documenting every derogatory statement that was made to you(dates, times, frequency, etc) and I would present it to HR. If HR does not not take action, then I would proceed to contact a lawyer.

Also, I would ask the individual(s) making the comments how would they feel if someone said these type of comments to their Mother, Sister, Daughter etc? They probably would get really defensive. Please do not let this situation discourage you from achieving your goal. I applaud you for wanting to help victims of sexual abuse. I encourage you to stay firm in your goal and let the men know that you are more than a pretty face and that you have the skills it takes to succeed.

Melisa Osorio Bonifaz · Answer

I'm sorry you had to go through that. It seems like most women have at one point in their lives and it's so unfortunate. We all tend to blame ourselves at one point for this kind of behavior from other people, be it not seeing the red flags, or ignoring them, etc. Please always remember that it's not your fault. It's the other persons fault and responsibility and this kind of behavior should always have consequences. I applaud you for having reported it. Feeling defeated is understandable and unavoidable, but keep going. This experience and the way you handle it will only make you stronger. Good luck!

Cinzia Iacovelli · Answer

I'm so sorry this happened to you, Nicole. I have no words. You are so brave.

Nicole Carrita · Answer

Thank you so much. What do you mean go for that part of the body we don’t have?

Judith Baldwin · Answer

Sorry that you had that experience. Remember sexual harrassment is about power. Although easier said than done, don't let your harasser see you 'sweat'. Stand strong,  I did not read all of your post; however, if you are still in contact with your harasser, keep good notes--everything from what you were wearing, what he said, what you said, time of day, date. Don't forget anything. If you keep good notes, you will not have to rely on your memory.  Don't leave out anything because if it comes to you and him in court or whatever, if you don't say it, he will.

Also, one last thing, if you can muster up the courage in a nice way go for that part of the body that we as women do not have. I have noticed men will cower when that part is attacked. I am saying nice because you are in a professional setting. If you were in a non-professional setting, go for it and drop the niceness.

In my opinion, women have to stop having 'tender ears'. In other words, too afraid to hear or speak things that men are not afraid to say. Good luck and stay strong.
one last thing, if you back down from what you want to do, you have allowed your harasser to keep you from your goal. Just my 2 cents.

Heather J Myers, PhD · Answer

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. I sincerely hope the APA takes your report seriously. Sadly even psychologists are not immune to misconduct. I hope you can find a trustworthy colleague to or mentor to work this through with you. You do not have to deal with this alone!

Nicole Carrita · Answer

Unfortunately, no. He is the owner of the practice. So that’s why I had to go to apa and eeoc.

Cherise Peterson · Answer

Is there like an HR for the job that you work at that you can report it to as well? They may not know this is going on.

Unfortunately, I left a job in June due to sexual misconduct by a co-worker as well as other issues. I reported it to HR and nothing was done about it. I was told something would be, but then after I reported it everything went down hill from there. I was trying to get transferred from a location I was currently at but they also blocked this. I found out information after I left that there are some things that were happening internally and it went pretty high up in the ladder of management (I worked for a multi-location gym).

Nicole Carrita · Answer

Thanks for your support!

You're invited.

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