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Thrown under the bus and need advice!
I’ve been working on a high stress project with a Director from a different department for about 2 months now. She is known to be challenging to work with, but up until this week I seemed to get along with her better than most people. My boss asked me to help with another urgent project that is due on Friday and I informed the Director that I would be less responsive than normal because of this other project. She said she completely understood.
Hours later she emailed me asking for a status update on the project we were working on. I didn’t respond right away, but provided an update. Then later that afternoon she sends an urgent email saying that she needs me to compile some data for her by the end of the week. The next morning, I provide her with an update in an attempt to get ahead of any asks she may send my way. She again asks for multiple status updates as the day progresses. Then her boss emailed my boss and asked him to designate someone to provide them necessary support and that I need to send daily updates (which I had already been doing).
That same day the Director emailed me and copied 10 other regional leaders, asking me to account for discrepancies in data she had received from her Regional leader. The implication was that it was my fault there was inconsistent data. I didn’t appreciate being thrown under the bus and in such a public way. I calmly responded that the data discrepancy was because her leader was using an outdated report. She emailed me separately, saying thanks. But never responded to the group.
Ultimately after months of being super responsive to her, the moment I put some boundaries in place she went above me and threw me under the bus.
I really don’t like confrontation and try to take the high road, but I am wondering if I need to address this with her? She’s in a more senior position than me so I’m not sure if this is a smart move. Should I just let it go and move on? Any advice would be much appreciated!
Cecile Marie Giroux
Creative Designer in the Detroit Metro Area
47
11/01/20 at 9:05PM UTC
It is unlikely, that this is the first time this has happened. People tend to be consistent in their behaviors. This Director, probably has a track record for similar behavior with others. The ten other regionals that were included in the email, are probably well aware.
This knowledge will not make the sting of the incident go away.
I would include this incident in your 1:1 with your boss, as a sidebar conversation, during your personal evaluation. Just make sure you have all the details and can speak succinctly about the happenings and your feelings about it.
(But ONLY if you have a good rapport with her. Otherwise, I would just rack this up as a lesson learned, and move on.) I agree that you also should keep your guard up, at least for a while. I regret your stressful circumstance.
Cindy AllenLogistics Regulatory Affairs & Compliance
133
10/31/20 at 1:38PM UTC
This is a situation where you have to micromanage up.
Have an honest open conversation with your boss outlining the situation. If she’s known to be difficult, this shouldn’t come as a surprise.
Put everything in writing and cc your boss. That why at least there is awareness and a second witness.
Ask her for expectations in writing. Respond back in writing.
Grit your teeth and approach her as ally. This is hard but usually effective. If she sees you “on her side” she is less likely to go into attack mode. But still - document everything.
Hopefully with your boss and your side and approaching her differently will make the situation less toxic. But a word of caution - don’t let your guard down. She isn’t your friend and never will be.
Deborah Frincke
224
10/30/20 at 8:14PM UTC
Anothet point to consider. Your boss pulled you (a valuable resource) away from another leader who is under pressure to perform. If that wasn't negotiated or discussed up front, it may be that your own supervisor's behavior triggered this negative spiral that hit YOU. Possibly you could speak gently to your boss, and say that you think Leader 2 was disappointed to lose you, and ask your boss to help make it right.
You may never work for this individual again, but if Leader 2 remains in the company ecosystem, you are better off having a friendly relationship.
It probably goes without saying that you need to think carefully before saying anything negative about Leader 2 to Leader 1.
Terri Clark
34
10/30/20 at 6PM UTC
Sometimes bad people get where they are through less than ethical means. My dad taught me that you don't mess with the boss' girlfriend/boyfriend. If this is how she keeps her position when everyone "knows how she is", then it would be best for you to avoid working closely with her in the future. As others have suggested defining roles and boundaries at the start of a project will help, too. Good luck!
Renee Radcliff SinclairCommitted to building engagement in government
910
10/30/20 at 5:26PM UTC
If you haven't read it, I encourage you to pick up a copy of "The Arsonist in the Office" by Pete Havel. It's quite good. I read it as an employee and then again as an employer. The book walks through very different circumstances than yours, but provides some good insights into how to deal with a co-worker who is burning down your reputation. Sending you lots of good juju for getting through this tough experience.
Amy CarothersBrand Marketing and Publishing Manager
1.86k
10/30/20 at 4:43PM UTC
As you can tell, this unfortunately happens a lot and it's a challenging situation especially when the employee is in senior management. I applaud you taking the high road as it's easy to let our emotions dictate response especially when unjustly wronged.
There's often more to the story as others have mentioned. She's feeling pressured and trying to use her lack of help and resources to move things along. Although you communicated everything to your boss was that passed along to her team?
Always remember to document everything when in a difficult situation and avoid verbal agreements. Responding calmly and with the correct information was the right call.
If you feel the need to have the matter on record, meet with your boss to discuss the situation. It will make you feel better that your department leader knows the truth in case it comes back later over another situation or future contact with that director.
Your boss might be in a better position to advise whether to let the situation blow over as the people copied on the exchange know the truth or if a meeting between the bosses is necessary. That was a tough situation but nicely handled!
Jessica Blackler
15
10/30/20 at 2:38PM UTC
I agree with all the above advice. In addition, please make sure that you document your end (even if you do not plan to use it) so that in the unfortunate event it goes to the next level, you have documentation of your work, which will speak for itself. Remain professional, keep copies of anything and everything in a file that is ready to go if you ever get called in to explain something that is caused by this person's bad faith. And, as mentioned above, a calm and positive attitude, organizational skills... these things ARE noticed by the people around you, including your boss' higher ups.
TessaMarieSnyder
13
10/30/20 at 2:23PM UTC
I work with someone that loves to undermine and toss blame my way at any point she can. Nothing is ever her fault when it goes wrong but she insists on validation for projects she’s completed, no matter how small.
If at any point she can undercut me, she does. I’ve learned that my reputation precedes me. I’m a valuable asset and even though her position is management, I have seniority. I do my job, I always try to go above and beyond when I can, and I ask for clarification when I feel I need it. If I don’t know how to do something, I take the steps to learn and have it completed(there’s plenty of procedure outlines to show steps) whereas she leaves tasks and says, “I didn’t know, nobody told me that, nobody has shown me how.”
Basically what I’m trying to say, fluffed with my own work woes, is to stay confident in your job capabilities and position. Let your actions and accomplishments speak for themselves and her actions will speak for her, too.
Good luck!
Anonymous
10/30/20 at 4:22PM UTC
Thank you!! And I hope your situation improves! That sounds exhausting! But you’re right, reputation is so important for exactly this reason!
Resa BaudoinNonprofit Executive in Charlotte, NC
37
10/30/20 at 2:17PM UTC
It always feels great to write a reply all that corrects someone that tried to make you look bad. It’s perfectly ok that you we’re aggravated by her but you did the right thing. Just reply in a professional manner with the correct Information. Now you look good and she’s made herself look bad. The truth is her behavior is not uncommon, so being able to mitigate it by talking to your boss as soon as you have a difficult person to work with and then handling them with as little interaction as you can, setting expectations early, and communicating professionally is all you can do.
Anonymous
10/30/20 at 4:19PM UTC
Thank you!!
Anonymous
10/30/20 at 2:13PM UTC
Unfortunately I feel your pain, yet a little different. I have been thrown under the bus by an intern. While they tried, it backfired on them. What an insult for an intern to try and tell everyone they copied on the email it was me who did not do something causing a major issue. I nicely put them in their place reminding them that this item was not in my control. I came out on top and they are gone and will not get another job with us. I am not sure they realized they lost their recommendations from us. People need to be careful when they throw someone under...it may come back to them proven incorrect.
Anonymous
10/30/20 at 4:20PM UTC
Yikes! Yes there are definitely lessons of what to do and what NOT to do in these situations!
Anonymous
10/30/20 at 4:24PM UTC (Edited)
I actually laughed reading the email and then had a "what the heck am I reading" moment. Not all college age kids with a good GPA have the maturity to be in the business world.
Anonymous
11/05/20 at 2:01PM UTC
Oh so true, we also had the manager hiring the interns had a really off year with recruiting. I personally do not care about their GPA, can they listen, follow instructions, pick up on tasks well and know what not to do in a business situation.
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