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Patronizing Phrases - "young lady" & "princess
Becoming ever so irked as my CEO & Chairman of the Board continues to call me "young lady". It's definitely not a compliment (I'm 47). Also when we go around the zoom for updates I get "Princess XYX".
While I should say something, I feel it only makes me look like a b&tch, esp to call out the CEO.
It is very frustrating - it's 2020.
Linn Chetty
Data and People Management with Heart
26
08/12/20 at 1:41PM UTC
Cannot blame you for not appreciating those labels. I work with a number of co-workers and bosses who try the same "put you in your place" tactics with me.
I do not want to diminish the importance of you feeling your feelings. Feeling work is an important part of being mentally healthy. I do want to share some of my observations having repeatedly dealt with similar situations myself: 1) Only people with low self esteem put others down and 2) Allowing others to use their maladaptive behaviors without affecting you goes a long way.
I have stopped attending meetings where people have tried to belittle me. I have also refused to answer when having been put down. Interestingly, others began to follow suit. Apparently, they also felt marginalized.
If you have to attend the meeting and have to answer, I would encourage you to retain your power. I would likely pause before answering and then answer in my professional, grown up way. I would also ask the universe what I needed to to change so I could level up out of the daycare department at work.
Please know you are not alone and it makes complete sense that you do not appreciate the childish behavior. I know great things are in store for you!
Shanita TaylorAuthor, Leadership Certified & Life Coach
542
08/12/20 at 2:56AM UTC
I am sorry to hear this. It's highly out of place for someone to be calling you Princess in a professional work environment. That would make me feel uncomfortable. The CEO should know this type of behavior could spike up concerns.
Karisa KarmaliFounder of Self-Love and Fitness
2.15k
08/11/20 at 9:07PM UTC (Edited)
Sounds like you're a threat and he wants to put you in your place and use thinly veiled language. High road, narcissists love attention and complaints would only boost his fragile ego. If you can try to not personalize it... If he touches you - then it's different - but this is a reflection of his disgraceful manners - NOT a reflection of your worth. Let Karma do the work and let him think this is okay so he can sink himself. And PSA: He *knows* exactly what he is doing, it's not a lack of awareness, it is condescending idiocy at its absolute finest.
Melissa NobileHandbell Choir Director
1.05k
08/11/20 at 3:10PM UTC
I think I’d handle this a little differently. I’d bring a tiara to the next meeting and when he called me princess, I’d put the tiara on my head and tell him I’d been promoted to Queen... but that’s just me.
If he continues to be patronizing, make an appointment to meet with him, type out your concerns, bring them with you to the meeting and call him on it.
You might not get any satisfactory answers from him, but you can bet your bottom dollar he will mention it to his wife, daughter, or girlfriend over dinner and they will set him straight.
YMMV
Shinesa CambricCybersecurity & Identity Governance Architect
35
08/11/20 at 8:20PM UTC
I work on a management team of all men and I would take a similar approach. The only difference is that if you choose to meet with him and call him on it, I’d encourage sending a follow up email to him (I like to document!) sharing that you appreciate the time to share your perspective on building a more productive environment and you look forward to sharing your updates in the next zoom call as the (whatever job title) of the team.
Anonymous
08/11/20 at 12:13PM UTC
After rereading your post a few times, I believe that this individual might see you as a threat to his career so it might be his way of feeling superior. My suggestion is take the high road and treat him better than he does you knowing that you are doing what is right and consider being honest with him about it.
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