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Should I stay despite my boss’ toxic fatal flaw?
I recently started a new job and I've been really enjoying it. Yet I just started working with a coworker from another team who really doesn't like the way I do my work — so much so that she started berating me publicly during our team meetings.
I quickly told my boss the other employee made me uncomfortable. He brought the issue to his boss (the company owner), who then reached out to me and said I should just ignore her.
The other employee has continued to make hurtful and rude comments about my work, even though both my boss and the owner know about it.
Is it worth it for me to stay? I feel really unsupported and I'm worried the drama is just going to continue. I like the work and I wasn't having trouble with my boss before this, but if he can't support me now, how am I supposed to rely on him to advocate for me in the future?
Anonymous
10/11/20 at 2:38AM UTC
You should go if those supervising you don't at least praise your work. If no one is praising your work, and no one is helping you advance your skills, then it's not the right workplace unless you can roll up your shirtsleaves and ask your supervisor and your team leads what you're failing at and what should you research to learn for yourself.
Anonymous
10/10/20 at 8:33PM UTC
Sometimes I think these posts are fake (items specific to 4 and 5 have been in another posting, with the other details being very much the same). Say this is real - the facts:
1. Co-worker, not Manager
2. Doesn't like the way you do your work.
3. So much so she started publicly berating you during team meetings
4. The co-worker's treatment made you uncomfortable, you reported to your manager, they reported to the Level 2 Manager.
5. They did nothing and told you to ignore it.
My thoughts on having dealt with this myself:
1. Since your blurred pic shows u as female and you state the coworker is "she", there's not a gender difference.
2. While you say you felt "uncomfortable" you didn't indicate you feared workplace violence.
3. Honestly, people who do good work, usually either have the strategic communication skills and or the social skills or the self preservation skills to know your first resort for conflict resolution should NEVER be whining and outing a colleague to managers. Manager's hate dealing with HR, but they could have spoken to her, agreed with her frustration about your work or style to be founded, and coached her to do her best to not riducule colleagues in a public setting.
Employees should always speak to one another and show that despite attempts to learn the other person's style, preferences, and how there can be some professional common ground before reporting the issue to a manager or to HR. It is absolutely important to keep a dated journal of the other person's unprofessional treatment, including emails, in case the other colleague makes things up about you. In some workplaces HR managers or HR believe the first to report. So keeping a timeline can help you make your best efforts to reach a good resolution with a rude colleague while protecting yourself.
Given how immature it is for reporting to a manager - when you could have sought another opinion from a colleague in the meetings even - don't mistake someone's bad habits for being toxic.
If you consider your boss' fatal toxic flaw of telling you to ignore behavior you don't like and that you didn't attempt to resolve.........sounds like your bosses may not ignore your poor workplace skills and you might be pushed out.
Seems like a fake post though. But I have seen to females, one 25 or 26, and the other about 30 make a complaint to managers first and they didn't last long after that.
Anonymous
10/10/20 at 7:53PM UTC
This is helpful b>c I hqve a really toxic manager. She is so freaking critical and negative. Everything i send over to her comes back with "no" blah blah blah and she is such a control freak she needs/wants to see everything! ugh. I appreciate these forums and I am starting to share more here to open my mouth in stead of suffering in silence. Thanks for listening.
I also really appreciate the comments about "there are sick people everywhere" because i have really thought about this. This job right now is just about 10 months for me and i love the work, the board, the members, but thinking about moving to another job just because of this jerk is annoying. I want to conquer my ability to handle this toxic behavior so i fine-tune my coping skills.
Carine Loh
11
10/10/20 at 5:59AM UTC
What if the problem is with the boss and not the co-worker and that you are the HR person?... In my situation, it is really hard to disclose to the board about my boss’ wrongdoing. So what other recourse do I have? I do like my job but I can’t work with this nasty & insecure boss ..
Bobbie Lloyd
155
10/09/20 at 7:17PM UTC
Hello, You raised the issue with management and they should have a better response than ignore her. What does the employee handbook say about the process for initiating a harassment complaint as I believe that is how this should be addressed. If there is no policy, shame on the company. Otherwise, take it to EEOC because harassment is illegal. Period.
Aly
44
10/09/20 at 4:48PM UTC
Aside from leaving the job, learning how to assertively our this person in their place is the only way to make it stop. Easier said than done. I’ve dealt with this on some level at almost every job and have realized that I don’t want to keep changing jobs because don’t like conflict and I don’t want to work in an environment where I am constantly on guard. It’s hard to ignore these people. They usually have a one up as far as tenure or on the boss’s good side. They are often critical and passive aggressive and try to make you question your own work. I know I am a good employee. I’m new and still learning. I struggle with being assertive because I don’t want to seem confrontational. Avoidance and killing them with kindness only works to a certain point.
Audrey Kirsch
1.5k
10/09/20 at 4:38PM UTC
If you don't feel comfortable confronting this co-worker directly, then you should concentrate on making sure that your work more than meets what the company expects from you. She is threatened by you for some reason and is trying to sabotage you in the eyes of the rest of the company. Create good relationships with your manager and other co-workers. A positive hard working attitude will shine a bright light on this co-worker's bad behavior that the boss will not be able to ignore.
Anonymous
10/09/20 at 3:18PM UTC
I’ve got one solution to share...if Human Resources won’t help, go straight to EEOC. That’s one way to open their eyes. Meanwhile, start searching for another job and then, Resign after a claim has been initiated and the company is notified. I hate bullies! You can stand up for yourself and confront all you want, but bullies/narcissists don’t learn.
Anonymous
10/10/20 at 9:01PM UTC (Edited)
She shared no information that this meets EEO requirements for hostile work environment based on protected class or protected activity. In a lot of work places this also wouldn't meet the definition of employee misconduct/bullying.
And what happened to the days of trying to work it out first? This poster provided little information for people to think more than her ego is hurt. I've met many people who inflate conflict because they felt their work product was great and couldn't cope with the fact that it was in reality subpar.
Anonymous
10/11/20 at 12:04AM UTC
It’s harassment and I’d say this individual doing the harassing feels threatened.
If this person has already been confronted, the supervisor notified and management, and ignore it is the solution, that’s when you know nothing will get resolved. A dismissive attitude by your employer is just cause to seek further steps.
EEOC: Offensive conduct may include, but is not limited to, offensive jokes, slurs, epithets or name calling, physical assaults or threats, intimidation, ridicule or mockery, insults or put-downs, offensive objects or pictures, and interference with work performance. Harassment can occur in a variety of circumstances, including, but not limited to, the following:
The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, a supervisor in another area, an agent of the employer, a co-worker, or a non-employee.
The victim does not have to be the person harassed, but can be anyone affected by the offensive conduct.
Unlawful harassment may occur without economic injury to, or discharge of, the victim.
Anonymous
10/11/20 at 2:30AM UTC (Edited)
Why do people who r clearly not working with lawyers on the rules pretend to know the rules? Rhetorical question.
1. If your employer has 15 or more employees, you have some protections from harassment from the EEOC, but they are very selective and very time sensitive.
2. Based on your employer's size, you may have additional recourse through state or municipal laws.
3. EEOC ONLY covers harassment via hostile work environment when it is done against you because of a protected class you might be in, OR is done against you because you made a complaint of protected class related discrimination or Harassment.
4. For harassment to cover hostile work environment toward a protected class, the treatment must be so pervasive or significant that no normal person would be expected to endure it as a condition of their employment.
One mean lady coworker and unresponsive management/HR does not harassment make.
I hope this person who acted as if EEOC rules aren't contingent upon protected class or protected activity:
1. Stops giving bad advice and
2. Learns the actual protections.
A white 30 year woman who raises her voice at, and ridicules another white 25 year old woman in front of a team, and who is not being discriminated against, has no protection from a crappy colleagues by the EEOC. Some Debbie Downer misinterpreting the law isn't helpful.
JYJ
2.31k
10/09/20 at 3:15PM UTC
Stand up to her! Address her bullying head on. Stop her in her tracks in the middle of her bad behavior. Definitely document and email to HR as well as have a discussion. Words like harassment and hostile work environment will get their attention. You can't rely on them to solve or referee the issue, but get your ducks in a row. If you love this job, dig in and put her in her place!
Anne ParkerDigital Marketer & Social Scientist
30
10/09/20 at 2:49PM UTC
You should confront this coworker directly and let them know them how they make you feel when they say these things to you, especially in front of others. Let them know you've made your boss aware of the situation as it's so hurtful it makes you not want to be at work! Stand up to them and don't make them leave a job you love. Some people need to be put in their place and then they will back down.
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