Implementing Strategies In Real Life

Question

There is so much discussion lately about diversity and inclusion and there seems to be growing support for women and minorities to speak up and speak out about their challenges in life and the racism they have endured.  It feels good to have a platform. But lets talk about real life for a moment. I am currently sitting at a coworking space and there is an older white man talking on the phone louder than necessary about his disgust for the football players protesting by not singing the school fight songs at football games and attacking statues because they were once slave-owners. My blood is starting to boil. This man has been on the phone for over an hour on this subject. I want to say something to acknowledge that I hear him but I'm also alone in this part of the workspace and I don't want him to approach me without a mask on (he's that type). It feels unfair that some people feel as though they can take up space with their opinions. I don't do this with mine. So I ask the question, are we supposed to be outspoken only when asked to be and silent when not?

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes you have to be temporarily aggressive to overcome the office bully.  In this case, the battle isn't worth it as this guy doesn't directly affect your position. It's true that sometimes the most aggressive, obnoxious personality type is listened to the most, even if they're not right.

Keisha Jones · Answer

Hi Anon,

I agree with the HR leader. I would start documenting the dates and times that this type of behavior happens. Also, I would approach him and ask him if he could lower his voice because you are trying to concentrate while performing your job duties. 
I try to approach situations with a 'three strike rule'. Meaning I'm going to allow the situation to happen three times before I escalate it to the next level. If the company values you as an employee, I would hope they would take action and try to retain you before you decide to put in your two weeks notice or take legal action against the company. But, before you decide to take any action make sure you don't have anything that can be used against you in a counter argument(e.g. being late to work, not meeting deadlines, etc.) In other words, make sure you have all of your ducks in a row.

Anonymous · Answer

To answer you're question: because many of us remain oppressed. There is this small margin of socially acceptable behavior allowed us. Recently I am venturing further outside this prescribed range (I do things big) and there is Retaliation, Gaslighting, Silent Treatment, you name it. I involved HR and folks up to a high level and it continues. Still, for me, it's been worth it. There is also support and progress and growth. I'm gaining confidence and skills. I am learning to Speak Up (respectfully) and it is refreshing simply to hear myself!! (this is ironic b/c I am the most talkative person on the team, but let's be clear - I knew what I was allowed to talk about). Teasing: Let's not be selfish and keep all the discomfort for ourselves, we can share some with the Oppressors. Seriously: Wishing you well if you choose to step outside 'your place' (and narrow behavior range) that you were assigned.

Annie Ngara · Answer

I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking him to be quiet. He is disturbing you and you have as much right to the space as he does. It is very hard to not approach these situations without self-righteousness (which you have every right to feel) but by not saying anything you are letting him dominate your space. Don’t try and solve his racism. You can’t. But you do deserve not to hear him. So keep that in mind, approach it calmly and professionally. You won’t change him, but at least you won’t have to hear him.

If he tried to approach you without a mask tell him you are practicing social distancing and you won’t have a conversation without a mask. It sounds so republican but stand your ground. You can do it and will feel so much better once you do.

Corrine Long · Answer

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. It is unfair and it sounds like the conversation is inappropriate conversation for the workplace at any volume.

Since you don't feel comfortable approaching it in the moment / directly and the subject is highly sensitive, I would recommend formal documentation of the situation.

Here is what I would do:
Document the conversation in an email to yourself. Since it is in the past, document to the best of your ability what he said. (If this were to happen again, I would start typing as much as you can verbatim.) Since you are not documenting in real time I would note that you are paraphrasing the statements that were said. Make a note of employee, date, time and location in the email including your specific locations in the office. 
Then forward the email to your HR and/or manager.

This type of content should be a red flag for any HR or leader, but if you don't get a response you can escalate to an anonymous Ethics hotline or a more senior HR leader. Be prepared, that they will likely ask you to re-iterate exactly what was said and when, so the email documentation will be important for your reference.

*Please note I am not a Lawyer, so this is not legal advice. Just practical advice from my own experience as an HR leader.

Gargi Biswas · Answer

Fantastic point, there is so much of hue and cry about diversity and inclusion and every one wants to hire a diversity manager or leader. But Diversity and Inclusion starts from grass roots of any organization, like the work space, how people are treated in team meetings, how opportunities are given ... unfortunately at an organization level it is very hard to track. The only way to make the top bosses take some real concrete steps i to make some noise which is loud enough for the world to hear and finally notice.

Taryn N · Answer

If you're working in a co-working space (e.g. WeWork or Uncubed), I assume that means this man is not your colleague, and you do not share an HR department between you?  If so, then I'll skip over the steps for raising concerns to HR about inappropriate work conversations/behavior.

At any moment you are thinking about confronting someone with your concerns , whether or not they are a stranger,  friend,  co-worker, or random person sharing a co-working space with you, it's worthwhile to think about the following:

1) What would I like to accomplish by confronting this person and what are my chances of accomplishing what I want?
   2) What are the possible outcomes if I take action?
   3) Is it worth my time and effort to confront this person?

Absolutely sucks that this guy is being loud, obnoxious, and is airing opinions that conflict with your beliefs on inclusion and diversity, but are you going to change him by approaching him and telling him he is being offensive?  I think it's unlikely.  Any attempt to change his opinion will likely lead to resistance, particularly in this politically charged time.   Is it really worth the fight to try to change this person?   I would say it's not worth your time and effort  to confront him if you are looking for him to change on this count.

However,  it would be reasonable to ask this guy to move his phone conversation elsewhere out of earshot for the sake of maintaining a quiet space conducive to work.  The next time you encounter someone like this in a shared space, you could ask the person in question to take their phone conversation elsewhere or ask them to speak more quietly, explaining that you are trying to work and the volume of their conversation is impacting your focus.  A reasonable person regardless of their political opinions would oblige.

In the worst case scenario, they will ignore you and then, perhaps the best action is for you to move on, perhaps even move to a new part of the co-working space to get the peace and quiet you need to do your work.

Lastly, I just want to say, I get it.  We all have a desire to be surrounded by polite, socially responsible, and respectful people, and in shared co-working spaces this can be a challenge.  Just realize that many of the strangers you share that space with are just that, strangers.  Is a confrontation really worth it?

Implementing Strategies In Real Life

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