I work in project management, and I am 28. I work under a colleague who is the same age as me, but is in a supervisory role. Despite this, I do/did believe we were friends. We chat and text, but I’ve told her before that I can’t add her to my social medias as she is technically my supervisor on a project.
Anyway, a few months ago, this colleague broke up with her partner of a decade. I didn’t know this information at the time, but I sensed something was wrong as she started responding to me with an uncharacteristically nasty tone and not completing the stuff we worked on together. This resulted in me having to plan an entire virtual meeting by myself. After which, I reported that I felt unsupported and stressed out. She responded to say that “she was sorry she hadn’t been around”. After, I asked her multiple times if I had done something to disrupt our working relationship. She responded to say that she “had a lot of personal issues, and was struggling to get through the day”
Fast forward to now, I am hearing from mutual colleagues that she is sending emails to people letting them know why she has been unresponsive, and that is due to her recent breakup. I have received no such email, and I continue to work on our giant project basically by myself.
Last week I asked my boss (who manages both of us) if she noticed anything different about my colleague. My boss told me that my colleague shared some personal news with her, and she is aware it is affecting her quality of work, but can’t discuss it with me if I haven’t been informed.
I’m feeling kind of irritated by this. Why am I the only one who does not get a conversation about this, and is expected to pull her workload on our project, “because she’s going through a hard time”. Might this be because I set that social media boundary earlier? Not sure.
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5 Comments
5 Comments
Anonymous
12/30/20 at 10:04PM UTC
For whatever reason you must keep your head down and carryon. I would ask your supervisor if you need help but other than that leave the situation alone and let it evolve naturally. You'll find things will settle back into a normal rhythm soon enough and your solo performance, if performed well, will not go unnoticed. You sound like you're doing really well so stear clear of the drama. Trust me you are better outside that little bubble.
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Sweet Caroline
2.67k
12/30/20 at 11:44PM UTC
I don't believe this has anything to do with social media. You are smart to refuse an invitations from coworkers for private social media connection (LinkedIn is all I accept). If you cannot handle the work load you need to speak to your boss and ask for assistance or more time to complete the task. You really have no idea what your coworker is dealing with, it may be something in addition to the breakup and it's none of your business.
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Tanika (Nika) Vasquez - (she/her)
353
Dynamic, forward-thinking business professional
12/31/20 at 12:28AM UTC
I would shift your focus to obtaining the help you need. Your coworker not sending you the email is not within your control and has nothing to do with work. Give your coworker the time and space to go through what she needs to.
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Anonymous
12/31/20 at 3:12AM UTC
You may be feeling miffed as you have a personal relationship with your friend and she is uncomfortable sharing with you but is comfortable sharing with others. I have felt similarly with family members. You have the right to feel miffed at a personal level and you can be supportive while realizing she may not consider you as close as you once thought.
On a professional level, she doesn’t owe you an excuse but she does owe you work. Seems like your manager is aware. Follow that up with a request for an additional resource or an extension on deadlines. You should also feel comfortable taking on ownership of the project and letting people know you (and only you) worked on it if that is the case.
User edited comment on 12/31/20 at 3:13AM UTC
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1 Reply
Anonymous
12/31/20 at 3:23AM UTC
Thank you! Yes, I think part of it is feeling a bit sad that apparently our relationship is not as close as I thought it was, and yes, it feels weird to me to be formally informing other colleagues that she does not work directly with, but not me, who is being affected by this situation, particular since I have directly informed her that I am struggling with managing both our tasks, but we have not communicated explicitly about that.
I will follow up with our manager to set some boundaries re: her work.
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