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Anonymous
09/15/20 at 12:31AM UTC
in
Career

Work and Depression

I started a new job 4 mos ago and I'm feeling very lost and depressed. It looked like a great offer on paper and the company had good reviews. And I feel guilty for complaining because I know I'm fortunate to have job during COVID-19, but my experience thus far is really depressing me. I received the offer a month before I started the job. I hadn't heard from my boss once he sent me the initial offer. I signed it and sent it back. I was then contacted by HR and I completed their forms, but then it was radio silence. I reached out to my soon to be new boss 2 weeks before starting just to check in and see if there was anything else I needed to do. No response. I reached out again the week before I was supposed to start to find out if I needed to report to the office my first day or if they were still working from home. No response that day. Two days before I was to start he e-mailed me and stated that either he or another associate would meet me at the office to pick up equipment to work from home. My first day of work, I had to reach out to my new boss to get log-in credentials. Besides that, I didn't hear from him at all the first week. I passed the time by completing HR onboarding trainings and reading through e-mails. Week 2, I was contacted by one of my staff members and she and I had a good conversation. She stated she had spoken to the boss and that he wanted me to reach out to the team. No formal introduction was going to be made by him, I wasn't sure if the team even knew that my position had been created and that I was hired. I thought his form of communication was weird because she reports to me, but he called her to tell her to relay something to me. I ignored it. I got the team's contact info and reached out to them individually to get to know them better. Over the next several weeks I set up weekly touch bases to learn what each person did, what they needed, and to learn more about their home lives and how they're dealing w/ working remotely. I had asked my boss if we could do some touch bases and talk about dept goals, goals for my role, etc. Never happened. Month two, my boss forwards me meeting details and asks me to join the meeting later that day. I said sure and asked what the meeting was about as I couldn't tell from the title. No response. I join the meeting and there were about 19 people on the call. I had no idea what they're talking about and my boss wasn't on the call. Afterwards, I spoke w/ the meeting organizer who informed me that she set me up with an account and asked me to test the software. I asked her what the software was for and why they were switching software, and what I should be looking for when testing the software because it was a program that I wasn't familiar with. 6 weeks into the job, I have my first touch base with my boss and two other gentleman. It lasted about 10 mins. and he did most of the talking. I did ask the other two people on the call their roles and what they did since we hadn't been introduced. I also asked for an organization chart or a list of departments that we work closely with and who runs those departments so that I could start reaching out to people and introducing myself. Never received those details. I asked for departmental policies and procedures to review, and I was told there were none written. I then started getting requests and emails from people at the organization. I don't know how they got my contact information, and most of the requests I didn't know how to assist them because it wasn't the responsibility of my department and I didn't have contact info to be able to refer them elsewhere. Month 3 and my boss has asked me to jump in on other assignments with no context or resources to complete the tasks. When I ask, I often get no response. I have been unsuccessful at establishing consistent touch bases with my boss and even when he schedules them, he often cancels them last min. He also sends last min. or after hour meeting requests. So I've been working 10-12 hour days. I might not mind as much if I consistently had something to do. I was told there was flex time and I sent my boss the hours I would be working, but if he decides he wants to have a meeting or wants me to fill in for him on a meeting at 8PM, he expects me to do it. I haven't been able to take lunch breaks or really have a consistent schedule because I never know when he'll e-mail or IM waiting an immediate response. He's very unorganized so I'm expected to organize myself around his dysfunction. The one time I couldn't make a 7PM meeting after already working a 9 hr. day because I had personal family plans has now resulted in me having to provide him a weekly update of what I'm working on though he sporadically assigns me things. So last week my boss sends me a copy of departmental policies and procedures from 2018, and asks me to work with the team to update the info. I asked about this over 6 weeks ago and was told it doesn't exist and now it does. I'm just so confused and frustrated by all of this. I've started looking for another job already. The lack of communication and the lack of organization, I just don't know, but it doesn't work for me. I understand the pandemic threw a lot of people off, but pandemic or not, things aren't organized and weren't in place here even prior to COVID-19. The few touch bases I've had, my boss has talked over me or talked at me. I feel exhausted and frustrated at the same time, and have the Sunday night blues. I'm at a point where I don't even want to try anymore, and I feel inadequate in my role. I think the company is a good company and has things to offer, but it's really true that people quit bad bosses. My boss is rude and condescending when he does communicate, and he has said that he's too busy to answer my questions and has recently told me to reach out to another associate with questions, but also stated that he wanted me to know that I can come to him. Huh? I'm just confused. Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do in the situation? I feel like cutting my loses because this clearly isn't a home run, but then again I want to exhaust my options. At this point I don't know why I even care so much. I've experienced toxic bosses in the past and trying to talk to HR or to your boss's boss, never seems to work well.

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Anonymous
09/23/20 at 5:40PM UTC
Yes, this is my current position and after this week of being "thrown under the bus" I am mentally gone from this role. I have been figuring things out since the beginning and being home I am even further out of the loop. I get emails where there has been communication and then when it comes to me I am expected to know the cause and how to resolve. I am sorry that you feel this way and I wish you luck in finding a new position quickly.
Amanda Nance
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38
RPCV with background in events, travel and TEFL.
09/19/20 at 12:16PM UTC
I’ve worked at a disorganized place like that before, and it was really frustrating. It’s OK to be stressed about a job and thankful to have a job. Covid has made life in general more stressful so adding work stress to that does not help. You could also try taking anything that you have a solution to, and pushing it. Sometimes at my job like this I had to create my own system of things and basically just did things my way until and unless someone told me otherwise. Continue searching for new work, and try some self-care in the meantime. Don’t exhaust yourself trying to make everything work. This sounds like a company that doesn’t appreciate anyone going above and beyond, so I wouldn’t. You are your #1 priority. Do whatever you need to do to stay grounded. Good luck! I hope you find new work quickly!
Stephanie Dufner
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250
Communications professional
09/17/20 at 12:01AM UTC
Good advice above! Suggest you take care of yourself in the meantime, taking sporadic breaks, even if for 5-10 minutes. This too shall pass.
User deleted comment on 09/16/20 at 1:09PM UTC
Anonymous
09/16/20 at 1:35AM UTC
Unfortunately, someone who doesn’t respect your time is someone you probably don’t want to work for. You have made ever effort possible to connect with the right people and find your path but you have a boss for a reason and it’s not for them to pass their dysfunction onto you. Know that when you have your next job interview you can confidently say you did everything you could to support your department and help the company succeed.
Anonymous
09/16/20 at 1:21AM UTC
In this case, I would setup a weekly catch up with my boss and try to stick him to it. So if he cancels, reschedule immediate for an hour later or day later (can ignore calendar if it’s always busy) and document each time he reschedules it in 1 email chain. Other than that, I wouldn’t push on any other points. Try to build your own org chart by talking to each person you do know. Bosses generally don’t provide org charts, introductions or policies in my experience. It helps to be resourceful and draw as much info as is possible from as many resources. I wouldn’t care missing your boss’s text and feel free to say no to meetings after 7 pm with a vague I have another meeting or no response till when convenient for you. You could be in the restroom or at another meeting. The more you become available off hours, the more people will expect and rely on you to be available and appreciate it less. Try to work hours that work for you sustainably and you can work extra hours 1 random day per week (where you send emails to max number of folks at late times) to show commitment.
Tabitha Ashura
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179
Senior Manager, Strategic Initiatives
09/15/20 at 11:43PM UTC
This sounds awful. If you can't reasonably cut your losses, then stick to you guns on when you'll work and when you won't. Don't reply past a certain time of day, or alternatively, take an 30 minutes or an hour away to do something for yourself within the longer hours. Don't reply during that time. I agree continue the job search, COVID-19 or not, if this company can't adapt, they can't afford to keep you, but in the meantime recap EVERYTHING in email. Proactively reach out once you've met colleagues to set time to chat with them to try to get the lay of the land, and most importantly prioritize yourself.
Kelli
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1.46k
Helps senior-level women make career changes
09/15/20 at 10:06PM UTC
First, you don't deserve to be treated this way...no one does. It sounds like you've done all you can do. I would concentrate your efforts on your next steps and make sure this time you focus on some self-discovery work first...figure out what you really want to be doing, get energized and excited about that journey and what's ahead. Happy to talk if more guidance would be helpful.
Kelli
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1.46k
Helps senior-level women make career changes
09/15/20 at 10:12PM UTC
Also, this article might help if you feel like you need some clarity on what's next: https://www.mindsetmamas.com/blog-post/clarity
Shawn M. Pelletier
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52
Certified Diversity Professional
09/15/20 at 9:51PM UTC
I am super sorry that you are going through this, how frustrating, aggravating, annoying, and those are just some of the adjectives I will use. The bottom line is, this is not a healthy environment. Your boss is a bad communicator and that won't change. In time, he will expect you to read his mind. Definitely look for another job and do more research on the culture of the company if you can. If not, ask more questions during the interview process so you have a better idea of how they onboard employees, expectations of both sides (new hire and existing employees), typical communication methods, etc. Based on this experience, craft some questions for your next company so you can feel better equipped in assessing the culture of the company. Good luck!
TNBrown
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868
Nonprofit Management
09/15/20 at 3:10PM UTC
I'm sorry that you're experiencing this and I understand why you're frustrated and confused. It sounds like your boss is absentee or has checked out himself. He seems erratic, unorganized, and to lack social skills. And quite frankly the talking over someone or ghosting someone by not responding is a jerk move. What you describe sounds like a toxic environment, and even in a virtual space the toxicity can be detected. You're smart to continue your job search, and look to move on. There's no respect or communication. Pandemic or not, there's no excuse for the lack of communication and direction. There's no way you can be successful without the tools and support to do so. Onboarding can be done virtually. Instead of walking the new hire around and showing him/her where the bathroom, kitchen, and copiers are, and introducing him/her to folks at the organization, you can do it via e-mail or brief zoom call with the major players. This behavior is unacceptable and tells me that pandemic or not, there's no onboarding in place, and that HR isn't aware or involved in the process to ensure that there's accountability. And I understand that everyone is busy, but not replying to emails in a timely manner is unacceptable and poor behavior. It's also dysfunctional leadership to expect someone to provide details on their work without providing an actual assignment or the tools and expectations of an assignment. Cut your losses and move on. With so much happening in the world, no one needs anymore stress right now.

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