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Anonymous

10/23/20 at 7:32AM UTC (Edited)

Career

Devestated new mother of two: Layered and then job blocked

I came back from maternity leave about a month ago to find I was layered and no longer sit on the leadership team for my department the week I returned. (My former boss got promoted and moved to a different part of the org.) I kept my team, but I no longer have a seat at the table. I was completely blind-sided and decided it was a sign I should look for another marketing opportunity internally at my company. (My goal when I joined over 3 years ago was to get into a growth marketing role.) I found the perfect opportunity and was immediately interviewed by the hiring manager. Long story short, my new manager and her boss found out. They both were bullying me to stay and gave me an ultimatum by saying that if I'm in an interview process that I can't work on this special project I'm under NDA for, which would give them cause to eliminate my position. They manipulated me to stay by saying things like, "Are you in or are you out, we need to know" and "Be careful, once you stick your head out it's hard to go back and it can cause ill feelings on either side." And then suggested I go use the company EAP to talk to a counselor because I "have a lot going on." Because I'm a new mom of two and the breadwinner for my household, I withdrew my application. To say I am devestated is an understatement. I am having a really hard time dealing with this and feel quite hopeless. I've started looking externally, but the thought of starting over is terrifying. I'm also being treated differently at work. I cry at the drop of a hat by myself. I feel like I'm going through depression. Any advice would be appreciated.

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Jessica Yas Barker

10/27/20 at 5:08PM UTC

The substantial changes they made to your position while YOU WERE OUT ON MATERNITY LEAVE may likely have broken federal labor laws. The US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission's "Pregnancy Discrimination Act" (PDA) "forbids discrimination based on pregnancy when it comes to any aspect of employment, including hiring, firing, pay, job assignments, promotions, layoff, training, fringe benefits, such as leave and health insurance, and any other term or condition of employment." Job assigmnent and seniority changes while you are out on leave can be a violation of your rights. Talk to an attorney.

Jacquelyn Lloyd

869

Coach & HR Consultant

10/27/20 at 4:55PM UTC

HR's role is to mitigate risk. You should speak to someone immediately, calmly, and as others have stated - keep to the facts. If your goal is still to move departments - tell them that. Keep your personal life out of it except to say that you recently returned from a protected leave to discover x,y and z. Your HR team should investigate. See what happens there before you make any rash decisions. At the least, you will want to be able to show you have exhausted your options if you decide to take legal action. Congratulations on your new baby!

Anonymous

10/27/20 at 3:58PM UTC (Edited)

You're being gaslit. If I'm reading your story correctly, you returned from maternity leave to find that your job had substantially changed. You decided to look for another position internally, found one, and interviewed. Now, your manager and her boss are telling you that you need to seek emotional support and that an NDA would prohibit you from continuing to work on a project if you took another position within the company. Tackling the NDA first, unless there's very specific language in that agreement which backs up what they're saying, they're lying to you. I have worked under many, many NDAs and I have never once seen one that contains such language. Secondly, telling you that you need to seek emotional help and suggesting you go through your company to do so is setting you up to fail, and also to try and eliminate your position, one way or another. There's more than a few indicators that they're trying to force you into quitting (constructive discharge) which can be actionable, depending on location and circumstances. My strong advice to you is to get out of that company altogether. Because you're the breadwinner (same for me in my family) and because at least part of this company is clearly toxic, you're better off somewhere else. But, while you're looking for a new position, document all of this in a memo to file (which you keep copies of offsite), including dates, places, people involved. This is critical if they continue to move against you. It will serve as proof that you were aware of this *while it was happening* and that it isn't something you dreamed up later. I would also consult with an employment lawyer (many will do a free initial consultation) to see what your options and protections are in your location. Based on what you've said, this is not a company which values its employees and a company in which your career progress will be stymied by personalities. It's no longer a good fit for you. Your focus, I think, should be on protecting your current position until you find a new one.

Jessica Yas Barker

10/27/20 at 5:09PM UTC

AGREED.

Anonymous

10/27/20 at 3:33PM UTC

it sounds a bit like contructive dismissal, and might be worth discussion with an attorney....

631

Accounting consultant

10/27/20 at 3:31PM UTC

Sorry for what you are going through. I wish I followed the advice I am about to give over 20 years ago when I went back after maternity leave and was treated differently. Were there complications with the pregnancy or with the baby? Sounds like they are trying to aggravate you out. Could be getting pressure from medical benefits company. Consult with a lawyer who specializes in employment and insurance rights. Document all your work, emails, and discussions. Watch out for being set up to fail. You have to be in defense mode. All while looking for another job.

Suzan Caylen

10/27/20 at 2:51PM UTC

The trust is broken within the department she was trying to leave. I worked for a Fortune 100, departments are just a ruthless and corrupt as looking for employment elsewhere. I have been in her position. She needs to make record of every conversation she has with these people, always follow up with a email if you are asked or told to do something because it will be "funny" how often you now "misunderstand" what is asked of you. Always send a note, based on our conversation I understand ... If I understand you correctly you asking to do ... task. That way everything you do is in writing. I would follow up with the other department manager and tell her she would love to be considered for future opportunities when her department allows for that and I would contact her old boss and get some advice as to how to handled the internal politics.

Anonymous

10/27/20 at 2:13PM UTC

This first part is me explaining how something similar happened to me and how it ended/what I learned. To jump to the advice scroll till you see numbers. While on maternity leave (also in marketing!), I lost control of my team and was leveled. I was the only person who lost their team during the reorg. When I returned, I was put on a highly visible project that everyone but the CEO knew was going to fail. As an FU, I clawed my way back into a team with in 4 months. I made sure the failed project was documented that marketing was hitting all their metrics. I took on bigger and bigger projects, bigger teams, outlasted that division CEO/another CEO/and two VPs over the next 3 years. I was promoted into a Director role when I built and led the highest performing team in our division. I was then displaced during COVID so a new VP could hire her own people. After interviewing at multiple companies and accepting a wonderful offer, I hope you listen from someone who took the “stay the course” approach out of fear of job hunting with littles and a strong “I’ll show you” mentality- it’s not worth it. 1. Reach out to the hiring manager for the position you went after. Explain that you’d like to stay on her radar for future opportunities. Reach out to leaders in other parts of the company and do informational interviews so you are on their radar for when new roles open in their departments. Almost every leader I know is open to this. 2. Hire someone really strong to redo your LinkedIn for recruiters to find you. Companies all over the country are looking for marketers and I had a lot of outreach. Hire someone to get your resume in top shape for ATS. 3. Reach out to your contacts with exactly you are looking for: I’m looking for a (type of marketing) role at (level you are) in a (industry vertical) company. Have friends keep ears open. Set up LinkedIn Job notifications. 4. Do 25% above the minimum level to keep your job while you look. Spend your energy on finding your next job. You should not consider staying and HR is not your friend. If there is another leader in your area who you trust, speak to them for advice and navigating your day to day while you job hunt. 5. If you feel the stress is impacting your ability to sleep, be a mom, be a partner, etc, feel free to use the EAP for someone to help you, but know your feelings are valid. We are in a global pandemic and you are in a toxic work environment! You have stress of new baby and another child AND being breadwinner. That’s a lot! It’s okay to get help but don’t feel like something is wrong with you. 6. You will find something better and less toxic. It might take longer than you’d like, but you will find something!

Anonymous

10/27/20 at 2:46PM UTC

Thank you so much for sharing your story and all those great tips. This is such a scary time for me...I'm constantly paranoid and worried. Always looking over my shoulder. I do have an external interview this week - it's my second with the company, so I'm hopeful. Interestingly enough, the Marketing role I went for is still looking and they are still interested in pursuing me. I had to come clean and tell them that I was "asked to stay" which is why I withdrew. I think it would probably be easiest for me to go externally at this point, do you agree? The role is not a growth role...it's still in my niche, but I have to do what's necessary to protect my family.

Anonymous

10/27/20 at 5:35PM UTC (Edited)

If the internal hiring manager for the role you had applied for is still pursuing you, I think you should consider it. Decide what you think of this manager, find people that know them and ask what they are really like, do your homework. If they have a reputation as a good, ethical manager, I think you should have a conversation of "I'd really like to pursue your opportunity but my current management is saying the following...." Be professional, but be factual. Say you didn't want to let the group down but you think this new opportunity is the best for you (based on your comments I think this is what you are saying). Not all managers in the company block people from leaving. To someone's else point, they should be supportive of you and what is the best for your career. As a manager myself, I have gone to bat for people in your situation that I wanted on my team (or that just came to me as a mentor) and I went to HR about the other managers blocking their employees. I suggest you see if the manager of the other group is an ally. If so, use that if you think this job is the right one. Big companies are a bit like a lot of little companies in that each department or division has it's own "identity" and "culture." Some of those are good and some not so good. I've worked in big companies, and through my network I've had jobs I wouldn't apply for based on the group or manager they reported to and others that I would eager pursue due to the reputation of the managers and leaders of that area. If in your research you find red flags about this manager of the role you originally applied for, there is nothing to stop you looking externally. Just know that sometimes hiring managers will go to bat for you and may suspect what is going on but they need you to at least hint at it to escalate it further - especially if perhaps they have escalated in the past. No one, including a hiring manager in a different group wants it to look like they are "targeting" another manager or team - they need some sort of smoke to call out. Good luck with your search - be it internal or external. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Anonymous

10/27/20 at 2:05PM UTC

This is definitely an instance where you will want to go to a SENIOR HR person in the organization. I would not suggest going to the 'people services' or register a concern on line. Identify the primary HR partner for the VP/SVP of your organization and reach out to her/him to share your concerns and how the conversations/situation has occurred. The HR leader has a responsibility to look into the situation and address concerns.

Lael Beckwith

10/27/20 at 1:54PM UTC

Just a note about HR - they are there to support the company, which, if they do their job well, includes supporting their most important resource - Employees! You know your company best, but I wouldn't completely write them off unless you have seen the group deal poorly with others. Even if they are company focused, they should be considering the needs of the hiring manager as well as your existing one. It may make sense to have a "hypothetical" conversation with them now that the moment has passed. Ask them what the company rules are about that sort of behavior and, if you see another role come up, discuss it with HR before you apply.

Anonymous

10/28/20 at 2:20AM UTC

I agree with this. HR is there to protect the company, but that also includes preventing lawsuits against the company. If you are feeling discriminated against bc of your sex or the fact that you just had a second child, then that is cause for a law suit. Not saying you should do that, but that is what HR would try to prevent. I actually did this and it worked amazingly well. My boss and manager were bullying me I told myself that I am too damn good at my job to be bullied by the jackasses I worked for. My choices were say something and see if things change, or don’t and leave. Value yourself. No one should be bullied at work and most companies have a zero tolerance policy for retaliation. I would suggest what was said in the above post. Chronicle everything with no emotion or subjective spin. If you can write an email to the two of them with some of what they said as, “to be clear from our previous conversations...” then you might be able to use that. Go with your gut and value yourself. 2020 sucks. But don’t let bullies keep you from shining. They are only doing that because of their own insecurities and are probably intimidated by you. Good luck girl!!