I'm struggling with imposter syndrome.

15 Comments

1. AnonymousAugust 20,2023 at 7:36PM UTC

   Therapy got me through because you have to figure out what it stems from. Imposter syndrome doesn't just appear out of the blue. There are deeply rooted beliefs that create a very furtile ground for Imposter syndrome and for each person those beliefs are a bit different and show up in our life differently. Therapy helps uncover those beliefs and will help you understand how, why and how to dismantle them and give you tools so you can confront them with.

2. Eva SteortzAugust 20,2023 at 9:29PM UTC

   100% of my clients have imposter syndrome. I have it. We all have it. If you are beginning something new, this is even more common and totally normal. Here's some things to try: Remember your strengths and past accomplishments. Find gratitude for the opportunity to learn and try new things and meet new people. Know everyone has it and give yourself grace. If you do need support on how to do some of the tasks, ask someone to show you, or seek some other resources to get some practice and confidence built back up. Imposture Syndrome may follow you where ever you go. So best to make peace with it, and ask it to step aside while you get busy pushing your way forward. Good luck! I will be cheering you on!

3. Dr. Patty GrossAugust 21,2023 at 12:53PM UTC

   I agree. I once had an employee that, despite being one of my best performers and continually told so, constantly felt like she was about to be fired, which was never the case. When I did a yearly performance appraisal, she was my top performer (the review said that), but in areas of improvement (I was required to fill in), I put "while she had exemplary performance with clients, she could have a little more patience with internal employees." This person went to HR to refute any "area of improvement" because I had given her a "write-up" for being impatient with people who were not her boss telling her what to do. She wouldn't accept that the field was a mandatory part of the evaluation, even after HR told her so. The company believed everyone had improvement areas and should be guided that way. The rest of the review was glowing, but that was the only sentence she had read.

   Why do we often try to accentuate the negative rather than the positive? I know I do. When I started my first career, someone said it takes 13 compliments to stick, but only one "aw s---" to erase them all.

4. Heather BinghamAugust 20,2023 at 10:15PM UTC

   A lot of us coaches have specific programmes for dealing with imposter syndrome. Find yourself a coach and ask them about how they help clients with this specific issue, because it is amazing how something that feels so crippling can be tackled very successfully in just a few sessions in a very "nuts and bolts" way. The important thing is to know that you are not alone, not at all - your coach will likely have faced it themselves!

5. AnonymousAugust 21,2023 at 12:58PM UTC

   Can you have a chat with your reviewer? Before jumping to conclusions (although easier said than done) - perhaps it’s just t the tone in which the feedback is being communicated but the intent isn’t to be negative it’s to help you get to your goal. Remember feedback is a gift. If the intent is good but the tone or delivery doesn’t work for your learning style. It’s your job to communicate this to your reviewer in a professional manner. Start with this, give them the benefit of the doubt. If it’s coming from good intent, they will likely do their best to try and communicate in a way that’s helpful to you to receive learn and grow.

6. JustineAugust 21,2023 at 1:37PM UTC

   I know the feeling. I feel I do quality work but no matter how hard I work it doesn't seem to be enough. I use to get compliments but the last several years since the company was bought out by another company....nada. The new company doesn't support people who do the kind of work I do and I tried to pivot to something else but have run out of time. So my job comes to an end and I don't really know what to pivot to. I just don't want to work for insurance anymore.

   But I will say that sometimes when I hear my self criticizing myself i have developed a few techniques of self response.

   You might say to the critical voice that you appreciate it's concern but that you need to handle the situation differently. There can be a big difference between how you feel and what you need to do to get things done.

   Another way is to consider if the critical voice knows what it is talking about. So many times we criticize about things that haven't actually happened, and in the end don't happen. It's a kind of pinpointing the actual actions of people. It is surprising how we think people are coitizing us when in fact they are not thinking of us at all.

   A third way is to consider if you would ever say to someone else what you are saying to yourself. Could you think about how you would talk to a friend and then say those things to yourself?

   I'm trying real hard to remember to do these kinds of things and help myself calm down. They do help me some so maybe they would help you too.

7. AnonymousAugust 21,2023 at 2:07PM UTC

   How do you get over this? Therapy. There are many possible underlying causes for whatever "imposter syndrome" is for you.

   Good luck!

8. HILDA GAugust 21,2023 at 2:31PM UTC

   A very low self esteem and confidence will really be a nuisance in terms of your day to day routine and job performance. You have to have that kind of intrinsic motivation of being the best version of yourself on a day to day basis. Have faith in yourself all the time, for if that faith in oneself is non existent, then to whom shall you hold on to?

9. AnonymousAugust 21,2023 at 5:56PM UTC

   The job market now is terrible in some situations and areas of expertise. Not knowing where you are in terms of roles its hard to comment about that in specifics. For your imposter syndrome spend some time with others doing mock interviews and write down all of your accomplishments as stories that you can refer to when applying and speaking to others about new roles. Get critique from those you trust and who know you well and if need be find a good coach.

10. ANDREA RAGGAMBIAugust 22,2023 at 12:41PM UTC

    No quick fix here but noticing what you are feeling is a great first step! Do you recall if a specific event triggers the feeling? When have you had more confidence in the past? What was happening for you? Comparison is the thief of joy so make sure you focus always on how you can be the best version of yourself and don’t compare yourself to others. You are on your own fabulous journey! What would it look and feel like to be totally capable and confident? Write that down and sit in that feeling every day. Close your eyes and visualize it clearly! You have the ability to shift your thoughts and results in the direction of what you want but you have to truly believe you can. Notice the negative thoughts but don’t let them consume you. All this takes time and practice but you definitely can improve your situation and feelings by believing you can. If you have really negative thoughts for too long and just can’t get yourself out of it I would recommend therapy or professional help. It’s ok and very normal to have worries, feel down and be anxious sometimes but if it persists for many weeks, it’s time to ask for professional help. Everything will be ok!

11. GirlBossanova934974August 22,2023 at 12:50PM UTC

    I work in Marketing so failure is an easy to accept. Half the things that we do are not successful. But the other half are successful. I often tell people.. If you cannot accept that, you shouldn't be in Marketing. Same thing goes for Sales people. You would be surprised how many people these days are working in Sales or Marketing who will NEVER be successful because they cannot accept some failures along the way. They stick to stuff which was successful in the past AND just keep doing it, over and over and over. You can get over an occasional failure by DOING MORE. Getting your feat wet. I often say that people who worry about losing all the time have too much time on their hands to worry and worry some more.

12. Ashley MAugust 22,2023 at 2:04PM UTC

    There's a lot to unpack in this question. Your first statement describes imposter syndrome, however, everything else seems to point to dissatisfaction with your current job. I would first look into why you're unhappy. Is it because you genuinely feel you can't do the work? (I don't think this is the case or you wouldn't bring up the pay disparity for equal work). Is it because you feel that you are not seen/recognized as a valued member of the team? Is it because you've experienced burnout and therefore produced less/lower quality product and you're now embarrassed to present it? (In a long career everyone experiences burnout for periods or periods where work (at work) isn't their main focus. We're human beings. My suspicion is you're getting regrets when applying to jobs because you want to make your current role work. Nail down what you like about the job and what you're struggling with. Talk to a neutral third party to try and come up with solutions for your struggles and then have a frank conversation with your manager about those solutions and see how you can achieve them together.

    However, if you feel the struggles are insurmountable (not getting fair treatment because of sexism, racism, etc.) you'll have a defined list of what you require to feel empowered in your next role which will guide you in your job search.

    Good luck!

13. AnonymousAugust 22,2023 at 4:02PM UTC

    Take a deep breath. Maybe what you need is some time away from your job. Can you take some days off to relax, go on a quick trip or take some time to reflect on what you're going through? I can relate to how you feel as I have been laid off for a while and I started feeling that my skills were not good enough to find another job. So I took some time to figure out what's next for me. I finally applied for a job after being contacted by a recruiter. Although the job offer got cancelled for reasons beyond my control, I know that my skillset was the reason I was contacted initially. That being said, I feel confident applying for jobs and I know that I will be employed again soon.

    Stay positive - maybe set a goal that you can accomplish every week. Every time you accomplish a goal it will boost your self confidence. I saw this suggestion somewhere several months ago and gave it a try. Some goals that I set had to do with updating my skills so I took some classes online. What a boost it was to my self esteem and I enjoyed every minute.

    Find what works for you and get back on track!

14. Cindy GrossAugust 22,2023 at 6:56PM UTC

    Imposter syndrome is a mix of things. There may be some trauma involved in which case working with a therapist can be useful. There may be some ways you personally want to show up differently - that's where a coach can be useful. And then there's the fact that the systems all around us tell us we don't belong - and then those same systems tell us to ignore our very correct instincts that the problem is THEM and not US. There's a great article in HBR about this perspective: stop telling women they have imposter syndrome. https://befriendingdragons.com/

15. Archana AgarwalAugust 23,2023 at 5:39AM UTC

    Have faith in yourself, be a keen learner and always strive to improve the quality of your work. Self worth is more important than rejection from others. Hard work and dedication cannot go unnoticed for very long. Don't look for instant gratification but consistently focus on your performance. All the best!