Egg freezing conversation

Question

I recently found out (through the grapevine) that a direct report of mine was uncomfortable telling me about egg freezing she was undergoing even though she had to go to the doctor several times. I feel badly and would like to encourage her to speak to me more openly about this but since she ended up not approaching me directly, I am not sure what to do. How do I make sure that my reporting line feels comfortable with where I stand on things like this without getting into a place where I am pressuring to tell me more about their personal lives? Or is there really just nothing more to do here?

Anonymous · Answer

I honestly don't think this is about you, I think it's more about the employee wanting to keep some information on a need to know basis.

Dawn S. Cross · Answer

Think HIPAA - and don’t press her.  What you can do is let her know that you have noticed she has had several doctor appointments and IF she wishes to talk to you about it, your door is open.  I would then drop the subject with her.  (Keep in mind reproduction is a hard subject even in families.)

The person who told you this should be cautioned to not talk out of turn with other co-workers health problems.  Again, this goes back to HIPAA regulations.

Anonymous · Answer

I have a very different perspective on this...the less I know - the better. I'm at a new company and I just had to send my admin an email telling her to please stop telling me the details behind her PTO requests and don't send me (or anyone else except HR) doctor's notes...that's what Employee Relations in HR is for. I know she's upset and I know it feels impersonal - but it's my rule.

I had a situation happen to me and a friend about 10 years and I'll never forget it. My friend was put in an impossible situation. She was a new leader over Project Management. One of her PMs was dedicated to my department. This specific PM was not a PM and should never have been put in that position. It was bad all the way around. Fast forward...I'm in a meeting with the PM and my team and she gets up and falls to the floor. I ran out of the room to my boss's office (the CIO) and my friend (her boss) and my CIO were in the office. I said 'Call 911...PM has just collapsed'. They immediately called 911 and ran to the conference room. My friend (her boss) got on the floor and said 'Are you ok? What's going on?' (genuinely concerned). The PM said 'It's my heart!'....in come the paramedics and shew as taken out.

Two weeks the PM sued the company and said 'They knew I had a heart condition (specifically referenced this incident as proof) and I'm being discriminated against' She settled but my boss and my friend were named in the lawsuit.

So as a result - I don't want to know your medical situations. I don't want to know your children's medical problems, parents or friends...I just don't want to know.

Talk about their pets, what they like to do for hobbies, etc. You can build relationships with people without knowing about their egg freezing situation. Believe me - you're putting yourself in more danger than it's worth. Be approachable - but have boundaries. You aren't there to be their friend. You are a boss/leader.

Anonymous · Answer

Because it is so personal just remind your team that regardless of what they are going through you are there for them and if they ever need to talk that your available.  As a former manager I do realize some things are personal and as someone who had fertility issues even though I was cool with my manager at the time - I didn't want to have to share 'all' of my personal business.

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